What Would Love Do Right Now in Your Romantic Relationships?

A loving romantic relationship can be one of your most sacred experiences—as well as the most risky. Given the rewards, it is always worth the risk. I love the statement from Erica Jong’s book, How to Save Your Own Life — “Love is everything it’s cracked up to be. That’s why people are so cynical about it. It really is worth fighting for, being brave for, risking everything for. And the trouble is, if you don’t risk anything, you risk even more.”

My philosophy about intimate relationships is that when you make a commitment to love, everything unlike love arises to be released and healed. Your reaction to what arises originates from unresolved issues, idealized concepts of romance, and conclusions you came to through observing your parents’ relationship. Every romantic relationship you have will reflect and reinforce these issues, concepts, and conclusions until you release and heal them. You will then have an opportunity to experience the very love you desire.

Your Parents’ Relationship

Examining the relationship your parents had, can provide insight into your experience of love and romance. How did they treat one another? Were they loving? Did they argue a lot? What was happening at significant ages while you were growing up? How did their relationship influence you?

As a child, you witnessed your parents’ interactions and made decisions about romantic relationships based on those observations. We tend to have romantic relationships that are either just like our parents’ or the exact opposite. For example, if your parents argued a lot, you may have decided that love is confrontational, so your relationships are tumultuous, violent, or chaotic. Perhaps one parent was weak and the other was domineering, so you decided the key to a winning relationship is to be equal in every way. Maybe your parents were overly affectionate, and you decided that a romantic partner must be lovey-dovey or they don’t love you.

Remember, in your healing process, you are not pointing a finger at your parents or blaming them for the way your relationships turned out. You are identifying how YOU responded to what happened between them and the conclusions YOU came to about romantic relationships. The good news is, since you drew the conclusions—YOU can change them.

Your Romantic Relationships

Remember, you ARE love. Being LOVE is allowing yourself to be who you are and who you are not; and accepting your partner for who they are and who they are not. It isn’t always easy. However, it is essential if you want to experience an intimate relationship beyond what you think is possible. BEING love is the greatest gift you can bring to your relationship.

The concepts of being present and getting gotten are particularly powerful in creating affinity and intimacy in romantic relationships. It’s what was so extraordinary in my relationship with my late Beloved Bernie.

In the beginning of our relationship, Bernie understandably wanted to know about my past relationships. I told him, “I’ll share my past experiences with you, if you will celebrate who I’ve become as a result of healing my past and changing my old behaviors.” He lovingly said, “Yes, I can do that.” This started a wonderful foundation of love and respect. I also let him know; he had the best me yet!

This was the first relationship I’d ever been in where the love got deeper and stronger and better over time, rather than worse. What was different? I was different! I was less serious, more playful, more patient, kind, understanding, and loving. I also took responsibility for my part in a situation sooner than I had done before. It was very humbling at times, but always rewarding.

Developing a foundation of intimacy requires a willingness to tell your partner what’s really going on with you; to care about what’s going on with them; to share deep aspects of yourself—especially those things you don’t want anyone else to know or ever find out—and to listen to them share things that you’re not sure you want to hear.

Everything is relational. You’re in relationship with everything and everyone. Your intimate romantic relationship can be either a source of fun and pleasure or pain and suffering. To have extraordinary intimate relationships, it is essential that you heal wounds you’re holding onto from past relationships.

This is where Resonance Repatterning® comes in. This method, developed by Chloe Faith Wordsworth, releases the resonance with unresolved issues, idealized concepts of romance, and conclusions you came to through observing your parents’ relationship. It also allows you to heal wounds you’re holding onto from past relationships. You may want to consider going to the Repatterning Practitioners Association website and choosing a certified practitioner you feel guided to working with and give them a call. You’ll be amazed at the results.

May the wisdom inside you take you on a journey into your heart where your greatness abides. Now, that’s living a heart-centered, extraordinary life!

Lovingly Submitted, Victoria Benoit, M.C.                                                                    

Healer, Speaker, Amazon #1 Bestselling Author, What Would Love Do Right Now?  A Guide to Living an Extraordinary Life.

What Would Love Do Right Now in Opening Your Heart?

Opening your heart fully may require courage to release resentment, animosity, or guilt associated with the past. It’s really about accepting your humanity and the humanity of others.

Forgiveness

Freeing yourself from resentment and animosity toward others may be accomplished through forgiveness. There are many interpretations of what it is to forgive another.

My aha moment came when I read Doreen Virtue’s Forgiveness card. I realized that forgiving someone doesn’t mean what they did is okay, it simply means I’m no longer willing to hold onto any negative feelings in response to what happened—I don’t have to forgive the action, just the person, to be at peace.

In the PragerU.com video on forgiveness, Stephen Marmar explains that forgiveness is a very complex concept. He reviews three types of forgiveness: exoneration, forbearance, and release.

Exoneration is when a person is truly sorry for hurting you and takes full responsibility (without excuses) for what they did, as well as assures you that they will not do it again—it wipes the slate entirely clean and restores the relationship.

Forbearance is when an offender makes an inauthentic apology, or blames you somehow for causing them to behave badly. It leaves you with a degree of watchfulness yet cautiously optimistic, like forgive but not forget or trust but verify, and allows you to preserve relationships with people who, while far from perfect, are still important to you.

Release is critically important for your well-being: it allows you to let go of what’s weighing you down and eating away at your chance for happiness. It does not require that you continue the relationship, but like Doreen Virtue’s concept, it asks that you let go of your bad feelings and preoccupation with the negative things that have happened to you.

Stephen Marmar concludes with, “To forgive may be divine, but when we understand its dimensions, we find that it is within our ability to do it.”

If you need an apology to forgive someone you’re unable to locate, or who is deceased, write a letter from them to you and mail it to yourself. When you read it a few days later, imagine it’s coming from the other person, allow yourself to receive the apology, and forgive them.

Forgiveness Specific to Child Abuse

Child abuse is one of the most difficult experiences to resolve, release, and heal. Some people assume the guilt and try, for many years, to forgive their abuser(s) without success, while others are determined not to forgive and are left living with the ongoing shame, pain, and hate without relief.

According to Bert Hellinger’s philosophy of forgiveness—relative to children who have been psychologically, physically, or sexually abused—if a child forgives the abuser, in addition to the abuse the child suffered, the child will assume the guilt and responsibility for the abuser’s behavior. Therefore, he insists that the child must not forgive the abuser. Based on Hellinger’s philosophy, Magui Block’s book, Healing the Family, presents a process through which abused children can heal themselves from the pain they’ve endured by giving the guilt and responsibility for the abusive behavior back to the abuser.

This is where Resonance Repatterning® comes in. This method, developed by Chloe Faith Wordsworth, releases the resonance with any unhealed parts of yourself that would keep you from forgiving yourself and/or others. You may want to consider going to the Repatterning Practitioners Association website and choosing a certified practitioner you feel guided to working with and give them a call. You’ll be amazed at the results.

May the wisdom inside you take you on a journey into your heart where your greatness abides. Now, that’s living a heart-centered, extraordinary life!

Lovingly Submitted,

Victoria Benoit

Healer, Speaker, Amazon #1 Bestselling Author, What Would Love Do Right Now?  A Guide to Living an Extraordinary Life    

The Power of Love

“Getting gotten” and “being present” are essential to experiencing the power of love. These concepts are defined here for clarity.

The experience of getting gotten occurs when another is so present with you that you feel heard, seen, known, and understood for who you truly are, and know that anything you say or do is accepted as an act of love.

Being present involves a conscious act of awareness—mindfulness. It replaces automatic perceptions of situations with an actual experience of living in the moment. Mindfulness is the art of living right in the center, between past and future—it is living in the present.

Therefore, being present means being fully conscious of who you are, where you are, what you are doing, and whom you are with at that exact moment. No images of the past and no dreams of the future interrupt this awareness. There are no distractions or other places you’d rather be. Nothing else matters. Your body, mind, and heart are one.

The following excerpt from Buddhist literature is offered to illustrate being fully present—what the Buddhists call mindfulness:

A man once asked the Buddha, “What are the teachings of you and your disciples?” Buddha answered, “We sit, we walk, and we eat.”
The man replied, “But, everyone sits, walks, and eats.”
The Buddha answered, “Yes, but when we sit, we know that we are sitting. When we walk, we know that we are walking. When we eat, we know that we are eating.”

There is nothing like the experience of being present, or the experience of getting gotten! It is the primal essence of love that permeates all life. It is so powerful it takes your breath away.

This is where Resonance Repatterning® comes in. This method, developed by Chloe Faith Wordsworth, releases the resonance with any unhealed parts of yourself that would keep you from being present for yourself and others, as well as being present to being gotten. You may want to consider going to the Repatterning Practitioners Association website and choosing a certified practitioner you feel guided to working with and give them a call. You’ll be amazed at the results.

May the wisdom inside you take you on a journey into your heart where your greatness abides. Now, that’s living a heart-centered, extraordinary life!

Lovingly Submitted,

Victoria Benoit, M.C.

Healer, Speaker, Amazon #1 Bestselling Author, What Would Love Do Right Now?  A Guide to Living an Extraordinary Life.

The Birds of the Air

An ancient Chinese proverb says…….

‘That the birds of worry and care fly above your head, this you cannot change.

But that they build nests in your hair, this you can prevent.’

Ever since I first read this quote I have been struck by the message it portrays, and its similarity with the way Resonance Repatterning© works. Life is filled with many problems – just like birds – circling in the air above my head! But I can choose how much of a hold to let them have over me.

According to Chloe Faith Wordsworth, the creator of Resonance Repatterning©, it is not our problems that cause our distress. Rather it is our reaction to them – often driven by our unconscious patterns. It is our energetic attraction to these patterns – our resonance with them – that keeps them in place.

As a result of my resonance with negative patterns, I become stuck, and mired in my problems. They can seem overwhelming, and I feel hopeless. A Resonance Repatterning session can shift my energy so I no longer resonate with my current reaction to my problems. The problems themselves may not have gone away, especially if they are outer things beyond my control, but I feel differently about them. I may feel lighter and brighter, or be able to see my issues with a different perspective, or dream up solutions I hadn’t thought of before. I may even find my problems simply melting away – like the morning mist evaporating in the sun.

I certainly don’t have to let those birds build nests in my hair!

Fiona MacKenzie

Resonance Repatterning Practitioner

 

 

 

 

Musings on the Wood Element Quality

This spring I was reviewing the Wood Element qualities: potential, new beginnings, creativity, focus and timing, to name a few.  When we resonate with those qualities in relationship to our goals, our lives will change when we come into alignment with those goals – we enter the field of limitless possibilities.
As a result, we may find ourselves resonating with a whole new life. We may no longer “wear the clothes” we used to wear before we manifested our goals.
I thought, metaphysically, that a caterpillar is wrapped in a cocoon, full of potential to become something else.  It resonates fully with its potential, in alignment with nature.  Once the potential is fully realized on all levels, it leaves the cocoon and emerges as a very different being.  It has wings, it has color and it identifies with a whole new group: butterflies! It no longer needs its “old clothes” – they would not fit anyway.
Resonating with the Wood Element energy in relation to our goals, can bring about the innate creative potential in all of us.

Laughing and the color Red

“You need to laugh” she said, as I lay there barely able to breathe, bandages tightly wrapped around my chest.
“You’ve got to be kidding me. There’s no way,” I said weakly.
She continued checking what I needed. Then she looked at my other sisters sitting there and told them, “She needs the color red” …

In Resonance Repatterning©, we do some powerful modalities. Are they hard or complicated? Do you need special training to be able to do them? My sister and I had been taking Resonance Repatterning© classes. Had we learned enough to really help me through a tough time?

I’d just had major surgery – a mastectomy for breast cancer. The day after  surgery, I could not keep down even ice chips. I could barely stay awake. They said it’s because my body is having a reaction to the anesthesia.

…. My 2nd sister jumped up and started running around the room looking for something red. Then everyone was looking for red things. I began snickering. Suddenly, she grabbed a crayon from her daughter and told me to stick it in my nose. I burst out laughing. 

Well, there’s my laughing modality, I thought. I was feeling better… but I was not done yet.  My sister doing the muscle checking said to me, “You need an ECR”…

An ECR or Energy Constriction Release is pretty much just like it sounds – releasing energy that is constricted in the body. Identifying the feeling holding the energy stuck is the key.

…She muscle checked where the constricted energy was being held, and then, she held her hand near my armpit, by my breast. The exact spot where my lymph nodes had been removed. She looked at me and said, “Deby, it feels like a fan is blowing on my hand.”  After a couple minutes, she removed her hand. “It’s complete.”

I sat up in bed. The energy of everyone in the room was spiraling up. The urine from my catheter bag had been bright blue. Now, they noticed, it is bright green. Yellow and blue make green, right? The anesthesia had left my system! We were all ecstatic!

You might think my sister had years of experience giving sessions. The truth is my sister and I had been to only two basic classes. The fact is that we had not even been taught the ECR in class yet. She simply followed the directions. 

This is an example of how simple and yet powerful a session and the energizing options in Resonance Repatterning© can be.

Deby Youngquist

Be the Change

Change is inevitable! It is the only thing constant in life. You can either resist it, or embrace it like an adventure. It is not always easy to do, but it is necessary if you want to live an extraordinary life. One way you can embrace the changes, which are occurring in your life, is by acknowledging your part in the change.

One Friday afternoon, a woman, who hated her job and wanted out, manifested the job of her dreams after a Resonance Repatterning® session. In the session, she admitted that she really wanted a more rewarding job, but was procrastinating. We identified the unconscious pattern that was holding her back and shifted her resonance to deserving a much better, higher-paying, creative position that showcased her unique gifts and talents.

Lo and behold, when she went to work the following Monday morning, she was summoned to her boss’s office and promptly fired. She called me very irate and blamed me for her getting fired. I encouraged her to look at how powerful she was and how fast the universe provided her with verification of her new resonance. I reminded her of how she had been procrastinating about finding a better job and could now embrace and be grateful for the opportunity to create the job of her dreams. . .and so she did!

While change is inevitable, it can also be emotional, especially when your partner moves on from what you thought was a committed relationship. Rather than engaging in finding fault and placing blame, simply be willing to accept what is so about the situation. Life is too short to resist change and perceive it as “it shouldn’t be this way.” The sooner you stop judging and assessing what was good from what was bad, and who was right from who was wrong, the quicker you will be empowered and experience inner peace. By embracing change and granting yourself the grace to let your partner go, you will have more energy to move forward with ease, grounded in the fact that from what you learned in this relationship, you will be able to attract an even better partner who wants to be with you.

The quote, “Be the change you want to see in the world,” profoundly transformed the relationship I had with my father. After having four children, my mother and father divorced. He remarried and started a new family. On the rare occasions that we talked, it seemed that he just reported how things were going with him and his new family. He would tell me all the things I wished I had done with him when I was young, but since we did not live together, my siblings and I did not get to do many of those memorable activities. I found myself becoming more and more envious.

I noticed that what was missing for me in his calls was acknowledgment for who I was in his life. So, I started acknowledging him for being a great father to his other three children and how fortunate they were to get to do all the things they were doing and to have him as a dad. After just two phone calls, he started asking about me and my life and acknowledging me for being a great daughter. He also acknowledged me for the difference I was making in the lives of my clients. These were things he had never told me before.

It’s true, by being the change you want to see in the world — providing the very thing you think is missing in your relationships — you too can experience what your heart desires, just as I did. In the very giving of it, my father gave back to me genuine love and acknowledgement. It was quite remarkable.

So, be the change, embrace the change, expect the change and you too can live an extraordinary life filled with everything you desire — a life where you can hardly wait to get up and one that is overflowing with love, joy, passion, and fulfillment.

Lovingly Submitted,
Victoria Benoit, M.C.
Healer, Speaker, Bestselling Author – What Would Love Do Right Now? A Guide to Living an Extraordinary Life

 

Why Are You Unhappy? (Wei Wu Wei)

I first heard this poem read online by author David Whyte. When he reads a poem his voice tone truly adds to the dimension and my understanding of the poem. Imagine an earthy Irish brogue voice reading this:

“Why are you unhappy?
Because 99.9 per cent
Of everything you think,
And of everything you do,
Is for yourself —
And there isn’t one.”

From “Ask The Awakened” by Wei Wu Wei

The question “Why are you so unhappy” triggers us to put a name to any malaise we may be experiencing. In a nanosecond before finishing the first line, we’ll hear in our head a rapid firing of all our grievances that add up to “Why we are so unhappy”. BUT! – our excuses and reasons are short lived. Author Wei Wu Wei, takes the juice of justification and tells us the truth. We don’t exist. We don’t have a self that can be made happy. In the broad scheme of the universe or the end goal of enlightenment, we discover that we are nothing or no thing. We are part of the vast universe of emptiness from which all things arise. Wrap your mind around that! Then know that we do exist in relation to each other – part of the vast interconnection of the grid of humanity. It may change your orientation to having status, stuff or having things for yourself… as your motivation for what makes you happy.

When you realize that everything we think and do is for everyone, we suddenly lose an orientation toward choice and instead embody an obligation to serve the whole. In each present moment, we ask “What is my purpose here for the highest and best for everyone?”  “How are my choices benefiting me and everyone else?”   “What do I appreciate about myself and everyone here?”

The poem is from a classic book of poetry and essays written by an anonymous author who went by the name of Wei Wu Wei. Google his name for a very interesting story. He wrote a number of books from 1958 to 1974. ‘Why are you so unhappy’ is from the book “Ask the Awakened – The Negative Way”, first published in 1963.

To help integrate repatterning sessions I often recommend clients take time to  reflect on a session and journal about their experiences.    On the path of enlightenment or healing, the  writing of Wei Woo Wei can help you reflect a little deeper on life and living.

With love and light
Carolyn Winter
Holographic Coach