Be the Change

Change is inevitable! It is the only thing constant in life. You can either resist it, or embrace it like an adventure. It is not always easy to do, but it is necessary if you want to live an extraordinary life. One way you can embrace the changes, which are occurring in your life, is by acknowledging your part in the change.

One Friday afternoon, a woman, who hated her job and wanted out, manifested the job of her dreams after a Resonance Repatterning® session. In the session, she admitted that she really wanted a more rewarding job, but was procrastinating. We identified the unconscious pattern that was holding her back and shifted her resonance to deserving a much better, higher-paying, creative position that showcased her unique gifts and talents.

Lo and behold, when she went to work the following Monday morning, she was summoned to her boss’s office and promptly fired. She called me very irate and blamed me for her getting fired. I encouraged her to look at how powerful she was and how fast the universe provided her with verification of her new resonance. I reminded her of how she had been procrastinating about finding a better job and could now embrace and be grateful for the opportunity to create the job of her dreams. . .and so she did!

While change is inevitable, it can also be emotional, especially when your partner moves on from what you thought was a committed relationship. Rather than engaging in finding fault and placing blame, simply be willing to accept what is so about the situation. Life is too short to resist change and perceive it as “it shouldn’t be this way.” The sooner you stop judging and assessing what was good from what was bad, and who was right from who was wrong, the quicker you will be empowered and experience inner peace. By embracing change and granting yourself the grace to let your partner go, you will have more energy to move forward with ease, grounded in the fact that from what you learned in this relationship, you will be able to attract an even better partner who wants to be with you.

The quote, “Be the change you want to see in the world,” profoundly transformed the relationship I had with my father. After having four children, my mother and father divorced. He remarried and started a new family. On the rare occasions that we talked, it seemed that he just reported how things were going with him and his new family. He would tell me all the things I wished I had done with him when I was young, but since we did not live together, my siblings and I did not get to do many of those memorable activities. I found myself becoming more and more envious.

I noticed that what was missing for me in his calls was acknowledgment for who I was in his life. So, I started acknowledging him for being a great father to his other three children and how fortunate they were to get to do all the things they were doing and to have him as a dad. After just two phone calls, he started asking about me and my life and acknowledging me for being a great daughter. He also acknowledged me for the difference I was making in the lives of my clients. These were things he had never told me before.

It’s true, by being the change you want to see in the world — providing the very thing you think is missing in your relationships — you too can experience what your heart desires, just as I did. In the very giving of it, my father gave back to me genuine love and acknowledgement. It was quite remarkable.

So, be the change, embrace the change, expect the change and you too can live an extraordinary life filled with everything you desire — a life where you can hardly wait to get up and one that is overflowing with love, joy, passion, and fulfillment.

Lovingly Submitted,
Victoria Benoit, M.C.
Healer, Speaker, Bestselling Author – What Would Love Do Right Now? A Guide to Living an Extraordinary Life

 

A New Year – A New You

Reinventing ourselves comes from within. It does help to have a planetary shift similar the one we had on the winter solstice December 21, 2012 which coincided with the end of the Mayan calendar. 2018 was all about building and laying down a new foundation. The upcoming planetary shift in 2019 is all about making things tangible and material, so if you have a goal or dream, this will be the year to start making steps to transform your dream into reality.

What I found necessary was to reclaim the parts of myself that I had lost, given away, or given up on. I suggest you do the same. The Fusion Modality in the Resonance Repatterning® method retrieves this lost quality. It will free you to be more authentically who YOU are out in the world.

In a workshop called, Owning My Purpose, one of the exercises we did was to inquire about what we did, or how we survived our family dynamics growing up. One of the things I discovered that I did to survive, to be acceptable, and to get my needs met was to find out what the rules are and follow them. I then saw that even to this day, I find out what the rules are and live within the parameters of them, even if I do not agree with them, or even if have to settle. Growing up, I became the good girl, nice and pleasing. I found out what others needed and did whatever it took to make them happy–harmony at all cost!

The next exercise in this workshop was to distinguished what qualities we left behind to survive, like our uniqueness, our creativity, our curiosity, adventure, etc. I discovered that I left behind, my inner desires, my true authentic playful nature, my full self-expression, my dignity, and most importantly my values.

We then talked about what we are passionate about, like making a difference, nature, animals, helping adopted people find their biological parents, etc. I discovered I have many passions! The four I spoke about were my passion to free people from their past and move forward to fulfill their dream; to take risks, be adventurous and playful; to be in an environment where there are wide-open spaces; and to be free to be myself.

From there, in the quietness of my inner sanctuary I created and later declared and claimed my purpose. I stood up in front of the whole group — and on camera to boot — owned my purpose. My purpose is to inspire and empower others’ greatness to live extraordinary lives! What I realized is that I am already doing that. Energy surged throughout my whole being and a rush of emotion filled my eyes. It was total validation of what I have been all about for many years.

The group was then asked to pick a project to fulfill within six months that would allow us to tangibly experience our purpose and move us into unhesitating action. I could not imagine taking on yet another project. So, I chose one I had yet to complete: publishing my first book, What Would Love Do Right Now? A Guide to Living an Extraordinary Life. I created a structure to fulfill my goal with support from those who love and care about me. The paperback was published December 2017 by my own company which you can visit at www.ExtraordinaryOutcomesPublishing.com. The eBook came out in May of 2018 and got to #1 on Amazon the first day. It was exciting!

As you move forward reinventing yourself, be sure you are gentle with yourself and get the support you need from those who love and care about you. It will be easier than you think! If I can do it, YOU can do it too! Have fun!

Lovingly Submitted,
Victoria Benoit, M.C.

Healer, Speaker, Bestselling Author of
What Would Love Do Right Now? A Guide to Living an Extraordinary Life

Living a Purpose Filled Life

One of the main concerns I’ve heard during my twenty five years of working with clients and especially when I had the privilege of talking with elderly people at the end of their life, was whether or not they fulfilled their life’s purpose.

I would ask them what they thought their purpose was. I reminded them that not everyone was going to be an Oprah Winfrey, Deepak Chopra, or Chloe Faith Wordsworth-developer of Resonance Repatterning®, and that their purpose was very unique to them. They did not have to be famous or up on stage, have books and CD’s out, be wealthy, married, or whatever they thought and believed might be a worthy purpose.

I would have them do what I call a life review. Starting in childhood, I would have them name all their accomplishments as well the qualities they embraced as they influenced all the people in their lives. From this inquiry, they would discover on their own, the theme, consistent quality, or way of being that really made a difference for them and the people who they positively affected both personally and professionally. Some of them commented that they were loving, patient, generous, understanding, compassionate, and/or kind-hearted. Others said, “I was a good mother–helpful and supportive.” or “I was a good father–generous and a good provider.” As you can imagine, the list went on and on. I then helped them see that what they accomplished in their lives and the qualities they exuded was their life purpose and that it was enough. Being a loving mother was enough. Being a good provider was enough. Taking a stand for peace and being peaceful was enough. Being light-hearted, humorous, and optimistic was enough! Knowing this opened their hearts, and a sense of peace and calm came over them.  It actually brought them to tears–tears of knowing that they indeed did fulfill their purpose and lived a purpose-filled life!

I would not recommend waiting until the end of your precious life to discover your life‘s purpose. Sit down when you have uninterrupted time. Light a candle if you wish. Fill the room with your favorite scent. Close your eyes, take some slow deep breaths and do your own life review. Start when you were a child. What qualities or attributes did you radiate back then? Then continue by listing your accomplishments as an adult and use them to determine the qualities you’ve used to make a difference in those around you. You will be amazed at what you discover. Keep breathing. Keep writing. You will see a theme emerge. Now, go into the quiet of your inner essence and allow yourself to claim your life’s purpose. You may even experience that you are already living a purpose-filled life!

Lovingly submitted,

Victoria Benoit, M.C., Healer, Speaker, Bestselling Author of: What Would Love Do Right Now? A Guide to Living an Extraordinary Life

Learning From the Inside Out

The world wide web provides so many avenues of learning and getting information these days. Facts are at our fingertips. There are even websites to verify the facts. In grade school and high school, I remember having to access a set of Britannica Encyclopedias or needing to go to the library to get information. It took hours to research for a paper that was due the following week. Today, I can get information instantaneously using my cell phone! What a difference!

MP910216413[1]Growing up I remember that one of the ways to get acknowledgement and a pat on the back was to get good grades. You may have also heard something like, “Good job, you got 3 B’s, 1 A and 1 C. Now let’s bring everything up and keep the A.” Then perhaps came the bribes, “For every A you get $15, every B you get $10 and C’s get $5.” I know for me, it set up a conclusion that my value came from getting good grades, so I went to work memorizing to make sure I got goods grades rather than really learning. It was so rote and tedious: flash cards, 3×5 cards, repetition, and re-reading, re-writing notes. I remember having to work so hard for my grades while others in the class goofed around, did not even take their books home, and got the same grade I did. Not fair!

What I realize today on reflection, my previous experience of learning was clouded with expectations from my parents, not a genuine thirst for knowledge. I remember not even enjoying reading because it was associated with needing to remember what I was reading, comprehending, and then applying it to some answer on a test. It is rather ironic because today my passion for learning is enormous, “I can’t get enough.”

As I evaluate the difference from learning growing up and learning as an adult, I realize that my learning today comes from a desire in my heart to get as much knowledge as I can to help my clients and myself, where as before it was to receive recognition from an outside source, my parents.

I remember having a session with a NLP practitioner recently. I wrote a book couple years ago called, “What Would Love Do Right Now?” and I really felt stuck with editing the book for publication. He had me do what I call a gestalt with the ‘already published, out on the shelves’ book. I put the book in a chair out in front of me and realized that the book itself had a release date and –within it–all the information I needed to have it actually released by that date. Then I slowly walked toward the chair and sat in the chair. I allowed myself to grasp all the information the energy of the book had for me. I accessed a place of oneness of some sort, the ‘one mind’ where all knowledge and wisdom is. Then I slowly walked backward, looking at the published book as I came back to my chair. I realized that I now had within me the time-line, the final draft of the book and the confidence that I had all the answers I needed. Since then I have created a visual time-line with the release date and what needs to be done by when, regarding the book. The ‘to do’s’ at every stage are much more manageable because they are in small chunks rather than having the whole book’s ‘everything to do’ right on my lap. This is one way you might ‘learn’ by accessing the ‘matrix morphogenic field, ’ where all knowledge and wisdom is. Try it when you need information to empower yourself to accomplish something you previously thought was overwhelming. Alternatively, try it with simple information you need or want. Let me know how it works for you. It has made such a big difference in my life.

As Resonance Repatterning® Practitioners, we use what I call the ‘innate wisdom’ within the client to not only direct the session, but to access the knowledge of what the unconscious patterns are that keep the client from having what they want in life. I suspect that we are accessing the ‘one mind’ within the client. How cool is that! As practitioners, we can now relax, knowing the client has all the answers within, and we can create the sacred space they need to go deep, trusting the process to allow the old patterns to surface to be transformed into new ways of being in the world.

Learning from within, trusting that you have all the answers inside, can be very liberating and empowering. As you experiment with doing this more often, your ability to trust and act on the information will be easier. Your intuitive connection with ‘all there is’ will be enhanced and your dance through life can be an adventure, filled with curiosity and wonder! Enjoy!

Lovingly Submitted,
Victoria Benoit, M.C.

 

Picture-Victoria-Benoit

Victoria Benoit, M.C. –   has been a Certified Resonance Repatterning® Practitioner since 1994 and former Teacher for fifteen years in Phoenix, AZ. In 1996 she opened the “Center for Extraordinary Outcomes”. As a Licensed Professional Counselor, she has used Resonance Repatterning® and five other methods, rather than psychotherapy, with her clients for the past 20 years. She is available for in-person and phone sessions for individuals, couples, groups, families and businesses.

Watch Out World, Here I Come!

Reinventing ourselves comes from within. It does helps to have a planetary shift like the one we had on the winter solstice December 21, 2012. I now feel stronger than ever, I have taken more action in the last month than probably the previous three months. I am ‘on fire!’ Watch out world, here I come!

What I found necessary was to reclaim the parts of myself that I had lost, given away or given up on. I suggest you do the same. It will free you to be more authentically who YOU are out in the world. In the Resonance Repatterning® Method, this process is done by doing the ‘Fusion Modality’ where one retrieves a lost quality. If this speaks to you, many certified practitioners can assist you. Go to http://www.repatterning.org. You will find a list of practitioners there. Find someone you resonate with to help you.

I recently did a play shop called “Owning My Purpose” through a new company called Raised Vibration, http://www.raisedvibration.com. One of the exercises we did was to inquire about what we did, or how we survived our family dynamics growing up. One of the things I discovered that I did to survive, was to find out what the rules are, in order to be acceptable and to get my needs met, and follow them. I then saw that even to this day, I find out what the rules are and live within the parameters of them, even if I do not agree with them, or have to settle. Growing up, I became the ‘good girl,’ nice and pleasing. I found out what others needed and did whatever it took to make them happy–harmony at all cost!

Robert Fulghum coined the phrase in his book, “All I Really Need to Know I Learned in Kindergarten.” Maybe it should state, “Everything I learned about how to deal with life is formulated by the time I get to kindergarten.”

In the play shop, we then distinguished what qualities we left behind to survive, like our uniqueness, our creativity, our curiosity, adventure, etc. I discovered that I left behind, my inner desires, my true authentic playful nature, my full self-expression, my dignity and most importantly my values.

We then talked about what we are passionate about, like making a difference, nature, animals, helping adopted people find their biological parents, etc. I have many passions! The four I spoke about were my passion to free people from their past and move forward to fulfill their dream; to take risks, be adventurous and playful; to be in an environment where there are wide-open spaces; and to be free to be myself.

From there, in the quietness of our inner sanctuary we created and later declared and claimed our purpose. We stood up in front of the whole group–and on camera to boot–owning our purpose. My purpose is to inspire and empower others’ greatness to live extraordinary lives! What I realized is that I am already doing that. Energy surged throughout my whole being and a rush of emotion filled my eyes. It was total validation of what I have been all about for many years.

We were then asked to pick a project to fulfill within six months that would allow us to tangibly experience our purpose and move us into unhesitating action. I could not imagine taking on yet another project, so I chose one I have wanted to complete:  publishing my first book, “What Would Love Do Right Now?” It got very daunting last year, so I gave myself a sabbatical from the book. Now I am ready. I have a structure in place to fulfill my goal with support from those who love and care about me. My commitment is to have it on the shelf by August 24, 2013.

As you are moving forward reinventing yourself, be sure you are gentle with yourself and get the support you need from those who love and care about you. It will be easier than you think! If I can do it, YOU can do it too! Have fun!

Lovingly Submitted,
Victoria Benoit, M.C.

Lovingly submitted,

Victoria Benoit, M.C.

Victoria has been a Certified Resonance Repatterning® Practitioner since 1994 and former Teacher for fifteen years in Phoenix, AZ. In 1996 she opened the “Center for Extraordinary Outcomes”. As a Licensed Professional Counselor, she has used Resonance Repatterning® and five other methods, rather than psychotherapy, with her clients for the past 20 years. She is available for in-person and phone sessions for individuals, couples, groups, families and businesses.

Looking Within – A New Era of Consciousness

Have you noticed all the ways we are being asked to look within? We are no longer able to point a finger and blame someone or something outside of ourselves. When we try, have you noticed that it backfires? For those of you who know what I mean and can relate, you are consciously entering into a “New Era of Consciousness” where ultimately there is freedom, wisdom and, most importantly, PEACE.

This process can be arduous or transformative. We can kick and scream with resistance or we can move into acceptance of  ‘what is.’ We get to say. I love one of the statements that Chloe Faith Wordsworth (developer of Resonance Repatterning®) has in her latest Intention for New Possibility section. It says: “I accept that whatever is not aligned with my intentions emerges for my own growth and transformation.” If we resonate with and really grasp the opportunity in this statement, our lives can be a platform for self-discovery, growth, and fine-tuning ourselves, so we and others can experience who we really are. Our Divine nature will be palatable as we let our light shine.

I know it is not always easy; however, the results are always worth the effort. So, how does one accomplish what I am referring to? When we are up against a challenging situation, the first step is to breathe, slowly and deeply in through your nose and out through your nose. This activates the parasympathetic nervous system for calm and relaxation. From this state of calm, we can respond rather than react, which always brings more of what we want. We can tell the person, “I need to take a ‘time-out.” I am having a reaction to what you just communicated, and I want figure out why so I can take responsibility for my reaction and respond from a loving place.” If communicated in this manner, the other person gladly agrees so they can do the same. The question you might ask yourself is, “What happened in the past that this resembles?” The unresolved event usually pops in and we come to an understanding, and this alone can transform the situation. Coming back together, you can both share what you discovered and love is restored.

When I look at the earlier experience from my reactions, it helps when I ask myself, “Did they really intentionally try to hurt me, or sabotage me?” The answer is usually, “No.” Putting myself in their shoes, I have more compassion and understanding, which brings me release from the past so I can be free and return to love and experience more peace. You may want to consider doing the same.

This takes practice so be gentle with yourself. When we can share our vulnerabilities and shortcomings it opens others to do the same, which leads to more intimacy (into me, you see), and ultimately more love. Welcome to the “New Era of Consciousness!”

Lovingly submitted,

Victoria Benoit, M.C.

Victoria has been a Certified Resonance Repatterning® Practitioner since 1994 and former Teacher for fifteen years in Phoenix, AZ. In 1996 she opened the “Center for Extraordinary Outcomes”. As a Licensed Professional Counselor, she has used Resonance Repatterning® and five other methods, rather than psychotherapy, with her clients for the past 20 years. She is available for in-person and phone sessions for individuals, couples, groups, families and businesses.

 

 

Victoria Benoit, M.C.

“Empowering Your Greatness”

 

Center for Extraordinary Outcomes

Transformational Services
7000 N. 16th St. #120 PMB 431
Phoenix, AZ 85020  602-864-7662

www.ExtraordinaryOutcomes.com

Find out about my upcoming events. Join my Newsletter.

“Be” the Change

Change is inevitable! It is the only thing consistent in life. You can either resist it, or embrace it like an adventure. It is not always easy to do, but it is necessary if you want to live an extraordinary life.

One way you can embrace the changes that are occurring in your life is by acknowledging your part in the change. I remember doing a Resonance Repatterning® session on a woman who hated her job and wanted out. She was procrastinating about looking for a new one, even though she really wanted something more rewarding. We identified her unconscious pattern of ‘not deserving better’ and shifted her resonance to deserving a creative outlet for her gifts and talents and getting paid well for them. Lo and behold, when she went into work on Monday, she was fired. She called me irate and blamed me for being fired. I encouraged her to look how powerful she was and how fast the universe provided her with verification of her new resonance.  I reminded her how difficult it was for her to take action to look for what she really wanted in a job and that now was her opportunity to be grateful for the opportunity and embrace it.  I acknowledged her for coming in for a session and taking action on discovering ‘her part’ that was keeping her from her heart’s desire. I encouraged her to see this as a gift and to take advantage of the time she now had to create the ‘job of her dreams’.

Another example could be a partner wanting to move on and leaving the relationship that you have been in for some time. The more you take responsibility for how you caused this or the part you played, rather than blaming the other, the quicker you can be at peace and see the opening you have to grow and learn from the relationship and let them go. Would you really want to be with someone who does not really want to be with you? You could then evaluate what worked and what did not work in the relationship, give yourself time to heal and then prepare to draw to you an even better partner. I am not saying that all this is simple; however, if you embrace the change rather than fighting it, you will have more energy to move forward with ease and grace.

Another concept I like to use in my own life is to ‘be’ the change I am looking for. One day I did an experiment with my father. It seemed to me that when he called me he was reporting how things were going with him and his new family. He would tell me all the things I wished I had done with him when I was young, but since we did not live together, my siblings and I did not get to do many activities. I found myself getting envious of what they were getting that I did not. What was missing for me in his calls was acknowledgment for who I was in his life. So, I started acknowledging him for being such a great father to his other three children and how fortunate they were to get to do all the things they were doing and to have him as a Dad. After just two phone calls, he started asking about me and my life and acknowledged me for being such a great daughter. He also acknowledged me for how much of a difference I was making in my client’s lives. These were things he had not told me before. So, the very thing I thought was missing, I gave him, and in the very giving of it, I experienced acknowledgement and seemingly out of the blue, he gave to me the very thing I was previously missing. It was quite remarkable. The switch was very dramatic. So, if there are qualities you are lacking in relationship with others, ‘be’ that quality with them or bring that quality to the situation and watch how you are actually experiencing the very quality you previously thought was missing. You will be amazed.

            ‘Be’ the change, and you can live an extraordinary life filled with everything you desire – a life where you can hardly wait to get up and one that is overflowing with love, joy, passion and fulfillment.

Lovingly submitted,

Victoria Benoit, M.C.

Victoria has been a Certified Resonance Repatterning® Practitioner since 1994 and former Teacher for fifteen years in Phoenix, AZ. In 1996 she opened the “Center for Extraordinary Outcomes”. As a Licensed Professional Counselor, she has used Resonance Repatterning® and five other methods, rather than psychotherapy, with her clients for the past 20 years. She is available for in-person and phone sessions for individuals, couples, groups, families and businesses.

 

 

Victoria Benoit, M.C.

“Empowering Your Greatness”

 

Center for Extraordinary Outcomes

Transformational Services
7000 N. 16th St. #120 PMB 431
Phoenix, AZ 85020  602-864-7662

www.ExtraordinaryOutcomes.com

Find out about my upcoming events. Join my Newsletter.

 

.

C H A N G E

Change is inevitable! It is unable to be avoided, evaded, or escaped and is certain to occur. It is unalterable most of the times. One of the only things consistent in life is change, its ebb and flow, the ups and downs, the ins and outs. Once we stop fighting against change, we can embrace it and let life flow naturally.

C     Change takes Courage! It is an act of bravery. It takes guts to really look at one’s life, evaluate it, and then take action to make the necessary modifications. It also takes courage for our clients to come in or call for sessions. They have done their initial evaluation of different aspects of their life they want change in, or they are plain ‘fed up’ with the consequences of the resonance of their patterns. We collaborate with them and give them the inspiration and the new resonance to experience the changes they want to see in their lives.

H     Happiness is achieved through making the needed changes that we have previously thought insurmountable. Have you ever put off making that phone call or talking to your boss, employee, partner, parents, only to find out that it was a piece of cake. Why do we wait to do those things that our mind thinks are going to ‘not be pleasant’, or ‘not turn out?’ It is because our mind believes our fears are true. Our mind does not know the difference between what is real and what is imagined. I recently came upon “The Work” by Byron Katie. She uses four questions to turn around what you are questioning, which can specifically help with our fears. Here are the questions:
1. Is it true?
2. Can you absolutely know that it is true?
3. How do you react, what happens, when you believe that thought?
4. Who would you be without the thought?
Try it the next time you feel some resistance to communicate with someone that you know in your heart needs to happen. Watch the positive change and feel it in your body. The relief and personal accomplishment is always worth the risk! This reminds me of a quote by Erica Jong, “If you don’t risk anything, you risk even more!” I have used this form of questioning, as a modality with some of my clients and the turn around is amazing!

A     Attitude is paramount, and action is essential! Our attitude determines what we experience in every situation. Think about waiting in line for something. What is your attitude? Are you irritated or are you calm and perhaps reading a good novel while you are waiting? You always get what you put out. Your attitude, even when you are standing up for yourself, can either make or break the outcome. When you catch yourself being irritated, do an experiment and try different things to change it and notice what you experience. You might try breathing deeply in and out through your nose. This activates the parasympathetic nervous system for calm and relaxation. Notice what you experience, and also notice the difference in those around you. Just by changing your attitude, they change.

Your attitude also makes a huge difference when you are making changes in your life. Patience is a virtue. Rome was not built overnight. There is probably a good reason things are taking longer than you thought they would. Think about the times that you looked back on other previous delays and how it all made sense over time. Breathe!

Many people want to make changes but may feel overwhelmed by everything that would have to be done to make it happen. There already is not one moment to spare in their already full life. Let us take moving for example, especially when you have been in the same home for ten years. Just thinking about it feels overwhelming. I have used a wonderful process that helps with overwhelm. Let us say you want to move in six months. Get a poster board and starting on the far right side, write down the moving date. In the middle of the poster board would be three months from now, half of that would be six weeks from now, etc. and today’s date would be on the far left. Starting at the end date and moving to today, write down what would need to be accomplished by when. Soon you will see that what you actually have to do today and even this week is much more attainable that you previously thought. It is very manageable. Action is the key and being consistent will ensure your success!

N     New possibilities can be a by-product of change. Change can be uplifting and exciting. I love the explanation of Chaos Theory. It suggests that within the chaos of our problems or the changes we are going through, especially the ones that we did not expect or are sudden, or even seem to be out of our control, there is actually a new order – something good, better and beyond what we thought was possible. I am reminded of a country song by, Garth Brooks, “Thank God for Unanswered Prayers.” The lyrics, if I recall correctly, were about a man who was praying that his high school sweetheart would be his, which never happened. He is now with his wife, the woman beyond his dreams, better than what he ever thought possible; hence, thank God for unanswered prayers. So, the next time, change feels impossible to handle or a problem seems impossible to cope with, remember this principle and look for the new order, the unanswered prayer and you will find it!

G     Growth is immanent as we embrace change. It can’t not happen. The two go hand in hand. As we go with the flow and make the necessary changes as life presents us opportunities, the growth is natural. If we kick, scream, and resist change, it will kick us from behind every time. If we accept what is, we can take the next step, then the next step after that, until we have reached where the change is heading us. In the meantime, we come into our greatness.

E     Expansiveness is the result! As we use change to our advantage with enthusiasm, we can begin to see that change is actually necessary. Change can now be an avenue to evolve in our consciousness–to become the people we want to become.

Are You Living a Purpose-Filled Life?

Through my twenty years of working with clients and talking to some of the elderly at the end of their life, one of their main concerns was whether they fulfilled their life’s purpose. I would talk to them about what they thought their purpose was. I reminded them that not everyone was going to be an Oprah Winfrey, Deepak Chopra or Chloe Faith Wordsworth and that their purpose was very personal. They did not have to be famous, up on stage, have books and CD’s out, be wealthy, married, or whatever they thought and believed might be a worthy purpose.

I would have them do a ‘life review,’ starting in childhood, naming all their accomplishments and, more importantly, the qualities they embraced as they influenced all the people in their lives. From here, they would discover, on their own, what their theme or consistent quality or way of being was that really made a difference for them and the people whom they positively affected personally and professionally. Some of them commented that they were loving, patient, compassionate and/or kind-hearted. Others said, “I was a good mother or good father. I was helpful, generous and supportive. I was a good provider.” As you can imagine, the list went on and on. I then helped them see that what they accomplished in their lives and the qualities they exuded was their life purpose and that it was enough. Being a loving mother was enough. Being a good provider was enough. Taking a stand for peace and being peaceful was enough. Being light-hearted, humorous, and optimistic was enough! Knowing this opened their hearts, and a sense of peace and calm came over them. It actually brought them to tears, tears of knowing that they indeed did fulfill their purpose and lived a purpose-filled life!
I would not recommend waiting until the end of your precious life to discover your life purpose. Sit down when you have uninterrupted time. Light a candle, if you wish. Fill the room with your favorite scent. Close your eyes, take some slow deep breaths and do your own ‘life review.’ Start when you were a child. What qualities or attributes did you radiate back then? Then continue by listing your accomplishments as an adult and use them to determine the qualities you used to make a difference in those around you. You will be amazed at what you discover. Keep writing. You will see a theme emerge. Now, go into the quiet of your inner essence and allow yourself to claim your life’s purpose. You may experience that you are already living a purpose-filled life!

Lovingly submitted,

Victoria Benoit, M.C.

Victoria has been a Certified Resonance Repatterning® Practitioner since 1994 and Teacher for fifteen years in Phoenix, AZ. In 1996 she opened the “Center for Extraordinary Outcomes”. As a Licensed Professional Counselor, she has used Resonance Repatterning® and five other methods, rather than psychotherapy, with her clients for the past 16 years. She is available for in-person and phone sessions for individuals, couples, groups, families and businesses.

Work Phone:  602-864-7662

Relationship as a Sacred Journey

Relationships are very intriguing to me. You are in relationship with everyone, from your banker to your lover and everyone in between. How you experience relationships can be uplifting or debilitating depending on how you are in the relationship. Every interaction counts.
Have you ever noticed that the experience you have in an interaction depends on how you approach the person? I have done many conversation experiments, and what I have come to know is the more loving, friendly, and compassionate I am, the more the person I am talking with is that way with me. I have observed this especially when talking to someone, for example, at the phone company when I call in asking for clarity or resolution regarding my bill. Try it next time and notice the difference!
Another experiment I did, many years ago, was with my father. It seemed to me that when he called me,  he was reporting how things were going with him and his new family. He would tell me all the things I wished I had done with him when I was young, but since we did not live together, my siblings and I did not get to do many activities. I found myself getting envious of what they were getting that I did not. What was missing for me in his calls was acknowledgment that I still mattered in his life and that I meant a lot to him. So, I started acknowledging him for being such a great father to his other three children and how fortunate they were to get to do all the things they were doing and to have him as a Dad. After just two phone calls, he started asking about me and my life and told me how important I was to him. He also acknowledged me for how much of a difference I was making in the lives of my clients. This was something he had not done before. So the very thing I thought was missing I gave him, and in the very giving of it, I experienced acknowledgement and seemingly out of nowhere, he gave to me the very thing I was previously missing. It was quite remarkable. The switch was very dramatic. So, if there are qualities you are lacking in relationship with others, bring that quality to them or the situation and watch how you are actually experiencing the very quality you previously thought was missing.
There are so many things I have learned over the last few years especially when it comes to relating with men. I would like to honor Allison Armstrong, the developer of the “Celebrating Men, Satisfying Women®” series, http://www.understandmen.com. She has spent over thirty years studying men. I would like to share some of the things that have made a difference when I speak with men that I have learned from Allison’s inquiry.
Allison has come to know that men are wired to provide, so I let men know what it is that they would be providing for me if they helped me, and they seem to jump at the opportunity. Since men love to make women happy, I might say to my beloved partner Bernie, “It would really make me happy if you would call me before you left your house to come over, so I know when you might be here. It would provide me more time to get ready to see you after I get caught up on my emails.” Even when men I do not know help me, I make it a habit to tell them what they provided for me. Their chest puffs up, knowing they have just made a difference;  they love it!

According to Allison, men are also wired to protect women. For example, I might say to Bernie while he is driving us somewhere, “I would feel much safer if there were more distance between our car and the car in front of us.” The interaction is not making him wrong for driving so close, rather, it is about proving safety for me. He naturally slowed down and I made sure I appreciated him by saying, “Thank you, I feel much safer now.” It is important as women that we let men provide safety for us and then appreciate them for it.
I have learned so much about my partner Bernie, just from listening to him. Asking him a question, then being quiet, gives him the time he needs to disclose what he chooses. Over time, he reveals more and more of who is and what he is up to, just in his speaking. Being present for another and listening is such a wonderful gift we can give each other.
I have also learned over the years to ask a man what he thinks rather than how he feels. You would be surprised how much information you get. You can actually learn what means a lot to men, what men value and what men hold dear and near just by listening. Men feel acknowledged and respected when they are listened to and men love respect and acknowledgement!
Allison also talks about how important men’s opinions are to them. She states that men’s opinions are to them, as women’s feelings are to women. So, just by asking their opinion, you can hear their inner longings, goals and what they are up to. You can also hear their sincere desire to help and make a difference in your life. Start really listening and notice the difference!

I like to look at intimate relationships as a sacred journey. We can use everything that ‘comes up’ for us and triggers us as an opportunity to heal. For those of us who are privileged to do Resonance Repatterning®, we can find and clear, or inquire and resolve, what happened in the past that is unresolved that is underneath the current upset. In this way, your intimate relationship can be like a journey, a sacred journey into your greatness, if you will. If you are in an intimate relationship, I encourage you to change your perspective and notice how much more freedom and love you share. Those of you who are not in an intimate relationship, the more you clear what is still unresolved from your past relationships, the more you will be open to the qualities you want to attract in a partner. Those of you who do not do the Resonance Repatterning® process, I would encourage you to find a practitioner in your area or have a phone session with a certified practitioner that you really connect with. The sessions are very profound. You can find one at: http://www.repatterning.org.

Relationships can be more uplifting if you are part of the solution, rather than part of the problem. If you go into the interaction with this intention, you will always get a different response, and your relationship with whomever will be a sacred journey– a source of personal transformation, joy and love.

Lovingly submitted,

Victoria Benoit, M.C.

Victoria has been a Certified Resonance Repatterning® Practitioner since 1994 and Teacher for fifteen years in Phoenix, AZ. In 1996 she opened the “Center for Extraordinary Outcomes”. As a Licensed Professional Counselor, she has used Resonance Repatterning® and five other methods, rather than psychotherapy, with her clients for the past 16 years. She is available for in-person and phone sessions for individuals, couples, groups, families and businesses.

Work Phone:  602-864-7662

.