Four Steps to Making Amends

Making amends is about others and restoring those relationships that you have broken or damaged. The desire to make amends arises when you’re willing to take responsibility for what happened and the impact it had on those involved. It’s not suitable for everyday mishaps—it’s best used for significant incidents that warrant extra consideration and may simply depend on the importance of the relationship.

When you harm others and make no effort to repair the relationship, you tend to avoid those people and large areas of your life become closed off. When you begin making amends, you have the opportunity to restore your relationships and have those areas open up again.

Seeking to mend a relationship involves forgiving yourself, offering a sincere apology, making necessary restitution, and accepting responsibility by taking steps to avoid making the same mistake in the future.

Step 1: Forgiving Yourself

Being able to make amends to others starts with forgiving yourself. In his tiny buddha® blog Michael Davidson says, “Forgiving yourself is far more challenging than forgiving someone else, because you must live with yourself and your thoughts 24/7.”

When you’ve done something you consider wrong, the accompanying emotion registers in your nervous system. For example, you may feel guilty if you mistreated someone; or you may feel sad, if you made a mistake that cost you a friendship. When these emotions register, they usually contribute to negative thoughts and limiting beliefs you have about yourself, like “I can’t do anything right,” or “I’m a bad person.”

More than anything else, forgiving yourself requires that you acknowledge your actions have consequences for yourself and others. However, any attempt to forgive yourself—before letting go of the negative emotions and beliefs—won’t work. You’ll just continue to berate yourself, because your nervous system is in control.

Step 2: Offering a Sincere Apology

In order for an apology to be effective, it must be genuine and go to the heart of the matter for the person you wronged. Consider carefully what you’re going to say. Be accountable—don’t make excuses or deflect blame. Be sure to include the crucial words, I’m sorry.

  • State what happened.

“I’m sorry I didn’t pay you back when I promised I would.”

  • Acknowledge the impact your actions had on the other person to show that you fully understand.

“I know it was my fault that you had to cancel your vacation.”

  • Express your desire to restore this relationship.

“Our relationship means a lot to me.”

Step 3: Making Restitution

Whether you’ve robbed someone of time, money, property, trust, attention, dignity, or well-being, it’s important to do what you can to restore that which you’ve taken.

The essence of restitution is finding out what the other person needs and determining if, and when, you can provide that. It starts with an inquiry.

  • Ask what the person needs from you to restore the relationship.

“How can I make it up to you?”

Then, let the other person respond. Just listen. If the request is ethical and you’re willing to fulfill on it, you have two options:

  • Agree to their request and time frame.

“I can do that when I get paid on Friday.”

  • Suggest an alternative if you’re unable to comply.

“I can’t pay you in full now, but I will make weekly payments.”

Step 4: Accepting Responsibility

Accepting responsibility is about making a genuine change in your behavior and taking on a whole new way of living.

Everyone has made mistakes, but the only mistakes that will undermine your happiness are the ones you’re unwilling to admit.

Be honest in expressing what you’ve learned from this mistake. This helps the other person trust that you’re sincerely making amends for your past behavior. Describe the ways in which you’re making changes in your life to refrain from repeating the wrongdoing.

  • Admit your transgression.

“I was wrong to take your money and not honor my agreement.”

  • Tell what you’ve learned.

“I’ve learned that I’ve been totally unreliable about money.”

  • Declare any action(s) you’re taking.

“I’m participating in a debt management course, and I’m having 10% of my paycheck directly deposited into a savings account.”

Keep it simple. A long apology will start to lose its power. Make your points clearly and effectively.

Give the other person time to respond. Grant them the space, time, and freedom to vent, if necessary. Be willing to listen without judgment and accept their point of view, even if some of their perceptions of the situation seem inaccurate. They have every right to feel the way they feel.

Keep in mind, although making amends can free you, it doesn’t always mean that the relationship will be restored—or that the process will be sufficient for the other person to forgive you.

In the Alcoholics Anonymous’ 12-Step program, Step 9 states, “Make direct amends to those people you have harmed wherever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others.” When direct amends is not possible or appropriate, there are many ways to complete the four-step process without personal contact. For example: you could write the person a letter; you could imagine yourself having a conversation with the other person; you could create a collage. Your mind does not know the difference between what is real and imagined, which is why visualization is so powerful.

You will be amazed how clean the slate becomes by making amends. Remember to be gentle with yourself throughout the process.

If someone is making amends to you, let them. Be generous and be gracious. Refrain from making the restitution you request out of proportion with what they did.

This is where Resonance Repatterning® comes in. This method, developed by Chloe Faith Wordsworth, releases the resonance with any unhealed parts of yourself that would keep you from forgiving yourself and/or others. You may want to consider going to the Repatterning Practitioners Association website and choosing a certified practitioner you feel guided to working with and give them a call. You’ll be amazed at the results.

May the wisdom inside you take you on a journey into your heart where your greatness abides. Now, that’s living a heart-centered, extraordinary life!

Lovingly Submitted,

Victoria Benoit, M.C.

Healer, Speaker, Amazon #1 Bestselling Author, What Would Love Do Right Now?  A Guide to Living an Extraordinary Life.

What Would Love Do Right Now in Opening Your Heart?

Opening your heart fully may require courage to release resentment, animosity, or guilt associated with the past. It’s really about accepting your humanity and the humanity of others.

Forgiveness

Freeing yourself from resentment and animosity toward others may be accomplished through forgiveness. There are many interpretations of what it is to forgive another.

My aha moment came when I read Doreen Virtue’s Forgiveness card. I realized that forgiving someone doesn’t mean what they did is okay, it simply means I’m no longer willing to hold onto any negative feelings in response to what happened—I don’t have to forgive the action, just the person, to be at peace.

In the PragerU.com video on forgiveness, Stephen Marmar explains that forgiveness is a very complex concept. He reviews three types of forgiveness: exoneration, forbearance, and release.

Exoneration is when a person is truly sorry for hurting you and takes full responsibility (without excuses) for what they did, as well as assures you that they will not do it again—it wipes the slate entirely clean and restores the relationship.

Forbearance is when an offender makes an inauthentic apology, or blames you somehow for causing them to behave badly. It leaves you with a degree of watchfulness yet cautiously optimistic, like forgive but not forget or trust but verify, and allows you to preserve relationships with people who, while far from perfect, are still important to you.

Release is critically important for your well-being: it allows you to let go of what’s weighing you down and eating away at your chance for happiness. It does not require that you continue the relationship, but like Doreen Virtue’s concept, it asks that you let go of your bad feelings and preoccupation with the negative things that have happened to you.

Stephen Marmar concludes with, “To forgive may be divine, but when we understand its dimensions, we find that it is within our ability to do it.”

If you need an apology to forgive someone you’re unable to locate, or who is deceased, write a letter from them to you and mail it to yourself. When you read it a few days later, imagine it’s coming from the other person, allow yourself to receive the apology, and forgive them.

Forgiveness Specific to Child Abuse

Child abuse is one of the most difficult experiences to resolve, release, and heal. Some people assume the guilt and try, for many years, to forgive their abuser(s) without success, while others are determined not to forgive and are left living with the ongoing shame, pain, and hate without relief.

According to Bert Hellinger’s philosophy of forgiveness—relative to children who have been psychologically, physically, or sexually abused—if a child forgives the abuser, in addition to the abuse the child suffered, the child will assume the guilt and responsibility for the abuser’s behavior. Therefore, he insists that the child must not forgive the abuser. Based on Hellinger’s philosophy, Magui Block’s book, Healing the Family, presents a process through which abused children can heal themselves from the pain they’ve endured by giving the guilt and responsibility for the abusive behavior back to the abuser.

This is where Resonance Repatterning® comes in. This method, developed by Chloe Faith Wordsworth, releases the resonance with any unhealed parts of yourself that would keep you from forgiving yourself and/or others. You may want to consider going to the Repatterning Practitioners Association website and choosing a certified practitioner you feel guided to working with and give them a call. You’ll be amazed at the results.

May the wisdom inside you take you on a journey into your heart where your greatness abides. Now, that’s living a heart-centered, extraordinary life!

Lovingly Submitted,

Victoria Benoit

Healer, Speaker, Amazon #1 Bestselling Author, What Would Love Do Right Now?  A Guide to Living an Extraordinary Life    

Love is—the Only Answer

Love is the answer, always and in all ways. Love is all there is, there is nothing else. Love is everywhere and all around us—self-love, love of others, and love of life. You breathe it, see it, smell it, and taste it. Seeing lovers kissing on a bridge; a mother holding her newborn; a teenager helping an older person across the street; a father teaching his child how to ride a bike. It’s about creating and experiencing life to the fullest in all its perfection and disappointments.

I believe that asking the question what would love do right now? —in any circumstance—will expand your experience of love. For example, when you are in a situation where you feel so angry you want to explode, if you would just stop and ask yourself, “What would love do right now?” you will usually do something more loving than you would have done without asking the question. You may not do what Mother Teresa would have done, but you will do something more in alignment with who you really are. You will then be able to respond to life rather than react to it.

Asking what would love do right now? does not mean you will become a doormat and refrain from speaking up for yourself. In fact, just the opposite will occur. As you live from your heart and love yourself deeply, you will know when to stand up for yourself and perhaps say, “No, I won’t be doing that for you anymore,” “That doesn’t work for me,” or “That’s unethical for me. I won’t be joining you.” When you come from your natural essence, then speaking your truth will become second nature.

The more you ask what would love do right now? the more it will set you free to love again, to love completely, and to love from your heart without holding back. You can then be an example or model for others on how life can be extraordinary, fun, and expressive. Soon people may approach you and say, “You are so different. You used to be so negative and crabby. How did you do it?” They, and the people in their lives, will be so grateful if you take this opportunity to share with them your experience of asking, in any situation, “What would love do right now?”

When you feel love in your heart, you and everyone else benefits, because you have so much more love to give. It’s all about making a real difference for you, your loved ones, and all those in your life who are willing to live from a powerful foundation of love.

As you evaluate your career, relationships, finances, health, and other areas of your life, you will begin to BE LOVE, rather than love being something toward which you are striving. Bring love to a situation and notice how others around you change, because you are different.

This is where Resonance Repatterning® comes in. This method, developed by Chloe Faith Wordsworth, releases the resonance with any unhealed parts of yourself that would keep you from bringing love to a particular situation or person. You may want to consider going to the Repatterning Practitioners Association website and choosing a certified practitioner you feel guided to working with and give them a call. You’ll be amazed at the results.

May the wisdom inside you take you on a journey into your heart where your greatness abides. Now, that’s living a heart-centered, extraordinary life!

Lovingly Submitted,

Victoria Benoit

Healer, Speaker, Amazon #1 Bestselling Author, What Would Love Do Right Now?  A Guide to Living an Extraordinary Life.

The Power of Love

“Getting gotten” and “being present” are essential to experiencing the power of love. These concepts are defined here for clarity.

The experience of getting gotten occurs when another is so present with you that you feel heard, seen, known, and understood for who you truly are, and know that anything you say or do is accepted as an act of love.

Being present involves a conscious act of awareness—mindfulness. It replaces automatic perceptions of situations with an actual experience of living in the moment. Mindfulness is the art of living right in the center, between past and future—it is living in the present.

Therefore, being present means being fully conscious of who you are, where you are, what you are doing, and whom you are with at that exact moment. No images of the past and no dreams of the future interrupt this awareness. There are no distractions or other places you’d rather be. Nothing else matters. Your body, mind, and heart are one.

The following excerpt from Buddhist literature is offered to illustrate being fully present—what the Buddhists call mindfulness:

A man once asked the Buddha, “What are the teachings of you and your disciples?” Buddha answered, “We sit, we walk, and we eat.”
The man replied, “But, everyone sits, walks, and eats.”
The Buddha answered, “Yes, but when we sit, we know that we are sitting. When we walk, we know that we are walking. When we eat, we know that we are eating.”

There is nothing like the experience of being present, or the experience of getting gotten! It is the primal essence of love that permeates all life. It is so powerful it takes your breath away.

This is where Resonance Repatterning® comes in. This method, developed by Chloe Faith Wordsworth, releases the resonance with any unhealed parts of yourself that would keep you from being present for yourself and others, as well as being present to being gotten. You may want to consider going to the Repatterning Practitioners Association website and choosing a certified practitioner you feel guided to working with and give them a call. You’ll be amazed at the results.

May the wisdom inside you take you on a journey into your heart where your greatness abides. Now, that’s living a heart-centered, extraordinary life!

Lovingly Submitted,

Victoria Benoit, M.C.

Healer, Speaker, Amazon #1 Bestselling Author, What Would Love Do Right Now?  A Guide to Living an Extraordinary Life.

WE ARE ONE

We are one, and yet…
How is it we do not know it?
Where is the unity?
Where is compassion?
Where is understanding, acceptance and love?
And most importantly of all, what are we without them?

We reject each other
We reject ourselves
We reject our body parts, our thoughts, our emotions
We reject who we are, but where does that get us?

We are so much more than our limitations
We are light
We are bliss
We are love and unity

Let’s let go of our destructive patterns
Let’s leave behind separation and judgement
For we are one,
And we are strong,
And we are powerful,
United

 –Sophia Avramides, Resonance Repatterning Certified Practitioner

You Are Love

What is Love?

There are many types of love: love of self, love of your work, love of your parents who gave you life, love of your friends, love of your children, and love of your pets. Then there is romantic love, love of country, and love of God. Each has a different meaning and unique experience. Throughout history, many have attempted to define love. There are biological theories, cultural theories, and psychological theories about various types and styles of love. You name it and someone has written about it. I believe the word love can be used in the process of transforming many areas of your life.

The love I’m speaking about is a heart-centered love—the primal essence of love that permeates all life. It is moving from your head to your heart, surrendering your ego and moving into compassion, understanding, and a deep sense of caring. Asking yourself, “What would love do right now?” from this place, allows you to be more loving in all your interactions.

When two lovers are making love, looking into one another’s eyes and relishing the moment of bliss, they are sharing their experience together so completely that for them nothing else is happening in the entire world. They are engaging in the primal essence of love, shutting out the outer world— nothing intrudes. They are being present in the moment.

I hope you’ve had this experience. If not, maybe you’ve experienced the pure essence of love with a puppy or a newborn baby. This is unconditional love at its finest.

Now that you know the type of love I’m talking about, are you ready to experience it again, or for the very first time? It’s really a choice. However, if you have unhealed incidents from the past, it may not feel like you have a choice. This is where Resonance Repatterning® comes in. This method was developed by Chloe faith Wordsworth, and has been my saving grace since 1989. It releases the resonance with any unhealed parts of yourself that would keep you from experiencing the unconditional love of which I am speaking. You may want to consider going to the Repatterning Practitioners Association website and choosing a certified practitioner you feel guided to working with and give them a call. You’ll be amazed at the results.

You Are Love

Knowing that you ARE love can change the course of your life forever. You can never separate yourself from love—ever! Nevertheless, it may seem as though you’re separate. It is time to awaken to the love you are—to universal love, the primal essence of love that permeates all life.

Sometimes we feel like love is missing and we look to others to provide it. Actually, look no further, you have everything you need—you are love.

What would life be like if you were to wake up and love governed all of your actions and decisions? What would you do, as love? You might start your day by looking in the mirror and saying, “I love you.” Perhaps you would meditate or journal in a sacred space. As love, you could jog, walk, or tend your garden in the morning sunlight. You might take some time to go to breakfast with friends or pick up chocolate-covered donuts on the way to work. When you bring the love you are—to all areas of your life throughout your day—love is what you will experience moment by moment.

Lovingly Submitted,

Victoria Benoit, M.C.                                                                                                          Healer, Speaker, Amazon #1 Bestselling Author, What Would Love Do Right Now?  A Guide to Living an Extraordinary Life.

The Birds of the Air

An ancient Chinese proverb says…….

‘That the birds of worry and care fly above your head, this you cannot change.

But that they build nests in your hair, this you can prevent.’

Ever since I first read this quote I have been struck by the message it portrays, and its similarity with the way Resonance Repatterning© works. Life is filled with many problems – just like birds – circling in the air above my head! But I can choose how much of a hold to let them have over me.

According to Chloe Faith Wordsworth, the creator of Resonance Repatterning©, it is not our problems that cause our distress. Rather it is our reaction to them – often driven by our unconscious patterns. It is our energetic attraction to these patterns – our resonance with them – that keeps them in place.

As a result of my resonance with negative patterns, I become stuck, and mired in my problems. They can seem overwhelming, and I feel hopeless. A Resonance Repatterning session can shift my energy so I no longer resonate with my current reaction to my problems. The problems themselves may not have gone away, especially if they are outer things beyond my control, but I feel differently about them. I may feel lighter and brighter, or be able to see my issues with a different perspective, or dream up solutions I hadn’t thought of before. I may even find my problems simply melting away – like the morning mist evaporating in the sun.

I certainly don’t have to let those birds build nests in my hair!

Fiona MacKenzie

Resonance Repatterning Practitioner

 

 

 

 

Gateway to a Deeper Understanding

Sport has always been an important part of my life, and yet, in recent years, it has fallen by the wayside. I used to think this was because life with small children was just too busy, not to mention the difficulty I faced with communicating in a foreign language. Recently though I have come to the conclusion that it’s actually something else entirely.

My passion has always been for volleyball. I spent most of my adolescence hoping for the opportunity to play and signing up for the volleyball club was practically the first thing I did when I got to university. In fact, my husband and I met on the volleyball court. But in the last few years, he has had to abandon the sport for something less taxing on his shoulders – enter badminton, a sport he now plays extremely well, which he’s spent several years encouraging me to try.

I did – eventually – only to give up pretty quickly. I didn’t like the feel of the racket in my hand – a barrier between me and the ball (shuttle, I should say). I didn’t like that there’s no ‘team’ – not in the same way, even when playing doubles. I didn’t like that the movement on the court was so different…. and so on, and so forth, but these were just excuses. What I didn’t like, really, was the negative self-talk going on inside my head and the fact that I felt discouraged. Things like: “You’re not good enough. You’ll never get the hang of this. You’re the worst player on the court. This is too hard. You’re slowing others down and they don’t want to play with you.”

You see, I recently had an epiphany of sorts when I tried, once more, to play. Something would always happen on, or off, the court that would upset me and then I couldn’t enjoy myself any more. But, this time, instead of giving up, I found myself thinking, ‘Hang on! I can Repattern that!’ And I did. Every time I played badminton, I came home and did a Resonance Repatterning© session on myself, and I began to see a difference. I was having fun again, the negative self-talk went away, my physical conditioning improved, my shots improved, my accuracy, my movement on the court, my understanding of the game, my confidence, my speed.

Mental, emotional, physical limitations fell away (and not just on the badminton court either) and I realised – sport, more than any other area of my life, is the arena in which my negative patterns are revealed. That is why I have avoided it for so long. And that is why I now absolutely love it!

I am ready now, more than ever, to bring these patterns to light and work on them, to strip away the layers of negative beliefs and emotions that get in the way of me living my life to the fullest.

What about you? Which area of your life acts as a magnifying glass to highlight those aspects of yourself you’re ready to work on?

With love,

Sophia Avramides

Musings on the Wood Element Quality

This spring I was reviewing the Wood Element qualities: potential, new beginnings, creativity, focus and timing, to name a few.  When we resonate with those qualities in relationship to our goals, our lives will change when we come into alignment with those goals – we enter the field of limitless possibilities.
As a result, we may find ourselves resonating with a whole new life. We may no longer “wear the clothes” we used to wear before we manifested our goals.
I thought, metaphysically, that a caterpillar is wrapped in a cocoon, full of potential to become something else.  It resonates fully with its potential, in alignment with nature.  Once the potential is fully realized on all levels, it leaves the cocoon and emerges as a very different being.  It has wings, it has color and it identifies with a whole new group: butterflies! It no longer needs its “old clothes” – they would not fit anyway.
Resonating with the Wood Element energy in relation to our goals, can bring about the innate creative potential in all of us.

Laughing and the color Red

“You need to laugh” she said, as I lay there barely able to breathe, bandages tightly wrapped around my chest.
“You’ve got to be kidding me. There’s no way,” I said weakly.
She continued checking what I needed. Then she looked at my other sisters sitting there and told them, “She needs the color red” …

In Resonance Repatterning©, we do some powerful modalities. Are they hard or complicated? Do you need special training to be able to do them? My sister and I had been taking Resonance Repatterning© classes. Had we learned enough to really help me through a tough time?

I’d just had major surgery – a mastectomy for breast cancer. The day after  surgery, I could not keep down even ice chips. I could barely stay awake. They said it’s because my body is having a reaction to the anesthesia.

…. My 2nd sister jumped up and started running around the room looking for something red. Then everyone was looking for red things. I began snickering. Suddenly, she grabbed a crayon from her daughter and told me to stick it in my nose. I burst out laughing. 

Well, there’s my laughing modality, I thought. I was feeling better… but I was not done yet.  My sister doing the muscle checking said to me, “You need an ECR”…

An ECR or Energy Constriction Release is pretty much just like it sounds – releasing energy that is constricted in the body. Identifying the feeling holding the energy stuck is the key.

…She muscle checked where the constricted energy was being held, and then, she held her hand near my armpit, by my breast. The exact spot where my lymph nodes had been removed. She looked at me and said, “Deby, it feels like a fan is blowing on my hand.”  After a couple minutes, she removed her hand. “It’s complete.”

I sat up in bed. The energy of everyone in the room was spiraling up. The urine from my catheter bag had been bright blue. Now, they noticed, it is bright green. Yellow and blue make green, right? The anesthesia had left my system! We were all ecstatic!

You might think my sister had years of experience giving sessions. The truth is my sister and I had been to only two basic classes. The fact is that we had not even been taught the ECR in class yet. She simply followed the directions. 

This is an example of how simple and yet powerful a session and the energizing options in Resonance Repatterning© can be.

Deby Youngquist