Tag: Forgiveness

Observing and healing a child’s suppressed behavior begins with creating a safe space.

Paying close attention to a child’s odd behavior can reveal suppressed emotional wounds that are a silent cry for help. It’s best to proceed with care and a genuine desire to release and heal what they are hiding.

Creating a safe space for a child begins by initiating eye contact, giving them focused attention, and offering reassuring touch as needed. Including all three while engaging with a child will forge a greater bond of love. It is imperative to let the child know there is nothing wrong and nothing bad will happen to them. Assure them that they are safe to say whatever is on their mind or in their heart.

Encouraging a child to express what they want in the safe space supports you in getting to know them at a deeper level. In turn, they experience how much you really care about their wishes. They also realize that you are truly interested in them and appreciate the attention they’re receiving.

This is how a relationship between a child and her father was healed.

• When I was in 1st grade, in Chicago, my school had an after-school program called, “Learn to Play the Piano.” I really wanted to take lessons, so I asked my dad who said, “Before you can take lessons, you have to get straight ‘A’s on your report card.” The years passed and finally in 7th grade I did it. My dad honored his word and let me take piano lessons. I was thrilled beyond belief!

• The classes and practice times were available at the school, so we didn’t need to buy a piano. Dad just had to pay a fee. At the school music recital, my father recorded my performance and was shocked at how good I was. I still have that tape recording.

• At the end of the year, my teacher told me and my parents that I had real talent and was a quick study. She also told us, that she thought music and piano were something I should pursue.

• The next year we moved to another school where this program was not available. I was very disappointed until I noticed that our new next-door neighbor had a grand piano and someone told me she gave lessons. One day after school, I knocked on her door and asked, “If I take lessons from you, can I practice on your piano?” She said, “Yes.” I was so excited! I went home and told my dad. He became infuriated and yelled, “How dare you let the neighbors know that we can’t afford a piano.” He then made me lie to our neighbor by telling her that I couldn’t take lessons because my schoolwork was more important, thus ending my piano career. The shame I experienced after that upsetting incident was unbearable.

• Around this time, my 20-year-old sister, living in California, bought a piano and started taking lessons. Four years later the company she worked for transferred her to France. Before she left the country, she planned a short leave to come home for a month.

• One night at dinner, about a week before my sister was due to arrive, my father announced, “I think we should buy a piano so Anna has a way to practice while she’s here.” He looked over at me and asked, “You play the piano too, don’t you?” I was dumbfounded. I could only manage to nod my head as feelings of animosity, resentfulness, and outrage overwhelmed me. How could he not remember my impressive recital, the recording he made, and my teacher’s acknowledgment? I just sat there and said nothing.

• The very next day my parents and I went shopping for a piano. We ended up buying the most beautiful, shiny black, upright Baldwin—known by the slogan, America’s Favorite Piano. I could not have been more delighted. While my sister may only be home for a month, that piano was going to remain in my living room—which meant I could play it anytime I wanted—and refuse to play it anytime my father was home.

• After a couple of months, my mother noticed that whenever my father was in the house, I wouldn’t play the piano at all, and if I was in the middle of practicing, I would simply stop. What no one knew was that it was the only way I could punish my father for doing what he’d done to me—humiliating me and making me lie.

• While my father was away on a weekend hunting trip, my mother—the astute woman that she was—decided to broach the subject of my odd behavior. She sensed that I might be more open to explaining myself when he wasn’t there. In her loving and understanding way, I eventually poured out everything I had held inside since I was five—the years I struggled to get straight ‘A’s. The shame I felt for lying to our neighbor. I yelled. I screamed. I pounded the table. I paced the floor. For over 20 minutes, I was sobbing so hard I could barely breathe. I even started to tear up my sheet music, but my mother stopped me.

• When I had finally released all of my righteous indignation and I could talk normally again, she calmly said, “Your father has many peculiar rules. I’ll have a talk with him.” I asked her, “Do you think it’s because he doesn’t love me as much as he loves Anna? I don’t remember what she said, because whatever she said, it wasn’t my father saying it.

• A few days later, the three of us talked about what happened and how I felt. I asked my dad why he did and said those things. He apologized and explained that he had made up the rules to avoid admitting he should have bought me a piano years ago.

• I knew he deeply regretted his actions. As we hugged each other, he told me that he loved me dearly and I forgave him. I am forever grateful for that genuine act of forgiveness as it provided me with an open heart to accept opportunities over the course of my life that have been so much more rewarding than had I pursued a career in music. In spite of my dad’s rules, I have made a real difference in the world.

Does the Magical Healing Process really make a difference? Yes, and to live a magical life, there’s no hope in avoidance. Going into the unknown parts of yourself from your past may not be easy, however, it is necessary.

There are only two predominant things going on in your life. You either have something you don’t want (shame, blame, guilt, anger, envy, frustration, resentment, or regret). Or, you want something you don’t have.

Is transformational support available? For those who want to have an extraordinary, remarkable, exceptional, outstanding, incredible, phenomenal, unbelievable, amazing, astonishing, astounding, marvelous, fantastic, magnificent, wonderful, sensational, miraculous, fabulous, stupendous, out of this world, terrific, awesome, and wondrous life, feel free to choose a certified practitioner on the Repatterning Practitioners Association website who can support you in identifying and releasing negative beliefs, thoughts, feelings, behaviors, habits, and detrimental patterns that prevent you from living a magical life.

Lovingly Submitted,

Victoria Benoit, M.C.

Mind/Body Repatterning Practitioner

Amazon #1 Bestselling Author of What Would Love Do Right Now? A Guide to Living an Extraordinary Life, and Three Magical Words for a Magical Life.

Speaker

“Children are not a distraction from more important work. They are the most important work.” ~ C.S. Lewis

Increase your job satisfaction by reducing anxiety and conflict at work.

Appreciation and job satisfaction seem to go hand in hand. Here are some statistics I thought might interest you. Several studies over the past few years on job satisfaction in America has shown: only 45% of workers say they are either satisfied or extremely satisfied with their jobs; 85% of employees are indifferent to the organization for which they work and give their time, but not their best effort, creating approximately $7 trillion in lost productivity; and 69% of them say they’d work harder if they were better appreciated.

Healing the workplace starts with one work environment at a time, including: babysitting, a paper route, helping out on the family farm, waiting tables to pay for college, internships, working in a large corporation, owning a business—whatever you deem to be work. Healing your relationships in the workplace can provide a more harmonious environment with less conflict, stress, and anxiety, as well as greater job satisfaction with increased productivity.

Workplace relationships include: your boss, your co-workers, your subordinates, your clients, vendors, etc.—everyone you consider to be part of your work environment.

When you consider there are many reasons such as, having an unhappy home life, feeling unappreciated, being overworked, undermined, pressured to produce, passed over for promotions, the target of workplace gossip, etc.—which are not necessarily intentional—you can grant your co-workers forgiveness with more compassion for their hurtful reactions and behaviors.

This is how I healed my relationship with my boss.

• I remember one time when I took a huge risk and stood up for myself not knowing if I would be fired on the spot.

• I was a highly-trained Medical Ultrasonographer working in the perinatology department at a local hospital. My patients were women with high-risk pregnancies. Dr. Pierce, the head of the department, was extremely competent and respected, although I thought his bedside manner could use some work.

• One afternoon shortly before lunch, I was doing an ultrasound on a new patient. Dr. Pierce entered the room, stood there observing the procedure, began criticizing my technique—in front of the patient—then turned and walked out.

• As far as I knew, he had never done anything like that before to me, or anyone else—especially in front of a patient! In a New York minute, not only did I feel infuriated, embarrassed, and humiliated, I was appalled that the patient might think I was incompetent—I almost lost it!

• After the patient left, I stormed down the hall and burst into Dr. Pierce’s office to confront him about what just happened. With every ounce of righteous indignation, I really let him have it.

• “Don’t you EVER reprimand me in front of a patient again. If I would have done that to you, you would have fired me on the spot. I consider you fired!”

• “Oh, Victoria, you’re way too sensitive,” he said in a condescending manner.

• “That’s insulting! I’m NOT too sensitive. The only difference between you and me is you have a penis and more education— THAT’S IT! For your information, I am a qualified, certified, and highly-respected ultrasound technologist. You have no right to humiliate me like that. It’s demeaning and I won’t tolerate it. Anytime you feel the need to critique my work, feel free to set up a personal, private, training opportunity. I am not mistake proof and I’m willing to listen and learn.”

• “I see your point. I am sorry I spoke harshly to you in front of a patient. It was inappropriate,” he admitted.

• “OK, then, I accept your apology. In the future, please be more considerate. You may find that you’ll get more of what you want or need from everyone who works with you through kind and thoughtful interactions.”

• “I get it, I’ll give it my best,” he said.

• After this incident, our relationship became mutually respectful—I felt more like a colleague than a subordinate. Interestingly, when my birthday came around the next month, he gave me a $100 gift certificate. I believe that it was because I spoke up for myself and he had more respect for me.

Does the Magical Healing Process really make a difference? Yes, and to live a magical life, there’s no hope in avoidance. Going into the unknown parts of yourself from your past may not be easy, however, it is necessary.

There are only two predominant things going on in your life. You either have something you don’t want (shame, blame, guilt, anger, envy, frustration, resentment, or regret). Or, you want something you don’t have.

Is transformational support available? For those who want to have an extraordinary, remarkable, exceptional, outstanding, incredible, phenomenal, unbelievable, amazing, astonishing, astounding, marvelous, fantastic, magnificent, wonderful, sensational, miraculous, fabulous, stupendous, out of this world, terrific, awesome, and wondrous life, feel free to choose a certified practitioner on the Repatterning Practitioners Association website who can support you in identifying and releasing negative beliefs, thoughts, feelings, behaviors, habits, and detrimental patterns that prevent you from living a magical life.

Lovingly Submitted,

Victoria Benoit, M.C.

Mind/Body Repatterning Practitioner

Amazon #1 Bestselling Author of What Would Love Do Right Now? A Guide to Living an Extraordinary Life, and Three Magical Words for a Magical Life.

Speaker

“When employees respect each other and get along in the workplace, it’s amazing how productivity increases, morale increases and employees are more courteous to customers.” ~ Maureen Wild

Stop avoiding others and experience being fully self-expressed.

Healing hurt feelings with people in your community—who impacted you in childhood, or as an adult—gives you the freedom to be yourself, fully self-expressed and able to speak your truth to others. It gives you the capacity to expand and accept others just the way they are, and actively participate in activities with others you previously avoided.

Extended community members include: friends, family friends, babysitters, students, kids on the playground, schoolyard bullies, teachers, coaches, neighbors, clergy, club and scout leaders, librarians, doctors, nurses, landlords, social media contacts, etc.—everyone you consider to be part of your community.

When you consider there are many reasons such as, gossip, addictions, intimidation, intolerance, negative outlook, paranoia, mistrust, hatred, etc.—which are not necessarily intentional—you can grant your community members forgiveness with more compassion for their hurtful reactions and behaviors.

This is how I healed my relationships with several friends.

• In January of every year, I take an inventory of my life and my relationships. It occurred to me that several friendships had ended abruptly—out of the blue—without so much as an explanation. And, to this day I still have no idea why.

• To resolve the grief I felt, I was committed to healing the rejection, confusion, betrayal, devastation, sadness, and anger I experienced with each friend and then to reveal and heal the origin of the pattern. First, let me tell you a little about each friend and what happened.

– – – – – – –

• SUE. We met while attending Alison Armstrong’s Understanding Men, Celebrating Women workshop. We were talking weekly, by phone, openly sharing what was going on with the men in our lives and exchanging feedback. We were inspiring each other to remember what we had learned in the workshop. We both signed up for a second workshop in California and decided to share a hotel room, to cut down on expenses. Since Sue was flying in, I drove over from Phoenix with a couple of coolers of food for both of us. We spent the week together enjoying each other’s company.

• I noticed that Sue was a get up, get ready, and get out the door kind of gal—and I’m not. I really enjoy taking my time in the morning.

• One morning, when I had just gotten up, Sue announced she wanted to leave in ten minutes. I got ready as quickly as I could. However, I needed to wash my hair, so it was almost an hour before I was ready. I knew she was upset, and I could feel her frustration, but I really couldn’t—with a moment’s notice—make it work for both of us.

• I respectfully requested, “In the future, please let me know what your plans are, so I can accommodate your needs and still stay true to myself.” Without further discussion, I drove us to the workshop and picked up coffee on the way. The rest of our time together at the workshop went well. I assumed the incident was resolved.

• After returning home from the workshop, we were both very busy and didn’t talk for a couple of weeks. When Sue called me, the first thing she said was, “I no longer want to be friends with you.” She didn’t give me any reason, she just said, “I don’t want to talk about it or tell you what’s going on. I simply need to pull away and no longer engage with you.” I was stunned! I hung up the phone in tears.

• WOW! No explanation! My mind was racing—what did I say or do to deserve this? What could I have possibly done to cause this? Since she wouldn’t tell me anything, I assumed it was because her expectations were not met on that fateful morning in California.

– – – – – – –

• REBECCA. We met through mutual friends who had mutual interests. Rebecca and I began hanging out together every month or so, sharing—practitioner to practitioner—our different healing methods. Rebecca had expertise in Native American ceremonies which intrigued me. Although she was quite a bit younger than I, she was exceptionally wise for her years.

• Rebecca asked me to mentor her in the five healing methods I was proficient at, in exchange for therapeutic massages from her. She was curious about all of them and wanted to learn about each one. We got together for a coaching session within a week. She was particularly interested in Resonance Repatterning® so I gave her some of my old books to review and we scheduled another session in two weeks.

• When she called for her coaching session, she told me she had broken her foot, and let me know that she needed time to herself to heal and get ready to move to a new home. She requested to suspend our mentoring sessions for the time being and I agreed.

• I waited a couple of weeks and reached out to her as a friend, just to see how she was doing and to ask if she needed any help moving. She didn’t return my voicemail until a month later.

• That call was fraught with emotion and her tone was harsh and angry. Here’s how the conversation went:

• “You betrayed my trust and I no longer want to have anything to do with you!” she shouted.

• “What are you talking about? What did I say or do that offended you?”

• “I don’t want to talk about it!” she snapped.

• “How can I apologize for something when I don’t even know what happened? Please tell me what’s going on.”

• Silence.

• “Rebecca, I would never intentionally do or say anything to harm you. I care about you.”

• Silence.

• OK, if you ever want to talk about it, just call. Have a great life.” We both hung up.

• WOW! I still have no idea what happened. I assumed one of our mutual friends said something insensitive implicating me and a misunderstanding ensued.

– – – – – – –

• ANTON. I met Anton at a dance lesson. I was fascinated by his accent and his eastern European culture. During the four months we were dating, I came to realize that he wanted me to behave in ways that were inconsistent with my true nature. He expected me to eat what he thought I should eat—including things I told him were detrimental to my health; to spend less time with my friends; to stop social activities he didn’t want to participate in; to wear what he thought I should wear; to always watch movies he wanted to watch; it even got down to what time of day I was supposed to take a shower.

• I stopped dating him, although we managed to remain friends, which was working just fine for both of us. We still danced together weekly at the dance studio and saw each other at other social events.

• The holidays were coming and he was scheduled to have major surgery. I called him a few days before his surgery—here’s how the conversation went:

• “Do you want me to take you to the hospital?” I asked.

• “No.”

• “Do you want me to come to the hospital to visit you?”

• “No.”

• “Do you want me to pick up your son, who’s flying in tomorrow?”

• “No.”

• “Do you want to get together for Christmas?”

• “No. I have to go now.”

• “So, this is all you have to say?”

• “Yes.”

• “You’re not going to tell me what’s going on?”

• “No.”

• “OK then. Thanks for the memories. Hope your surgery goes well.”

• “OK.”

• WOW! Again—goodbye, so long, adios, sayonara, arrivederci—dropped like a hot potato with no explanation. I can only assume that our relationship wasn’t worth pursuing because he couldn’t change me to meet his needs and desires.

Since I still have no clue why each friend behaved in such a hurtful manner, I initially blamed them. So, to heal my experience, I imagined each friend genuinely saying to me, “I am sorry.” I suddenly felt so free that I decided to visualize myself apologizing to each of them for any harm I may have caused them.

The Pattern. This deep dive into lost friendships revealed a pattern of people dear to me abruptly leaving without an explanation. It occurred to me that this pattern originated when my father left—without an explanation—when I was 12, so I healed that as well.

Does the Magical Healing Process really make a difference? Yes, and to live a magical life, there’s no hope in avoidance. Going into the unknown parts of yourself from your past may not be easy, however, it is necessary.

There are only two predominant things going on in your life. You either have something you don’t want (shame, blame, guilt, anger, envy, frustration, resentment, or regret). Or, you want something you don’t have.

Is transformational support available? For those who want to have an extraordinary, remarkable, exceptional, outstanding, incredible, phenomenal, unbelievable, amazing, astonishing, astounding, marvelous, fantastic, magnificent, wonderful, sensational, miraculous, fabulous, stupendous, out of this world, terrific, awesome, and wondrous life, feel free to choose a certified practitioner on the Repatterning Practitioners Association website who can support you in identifying and releasing negative beliefs, thoughts, feelings, behaviors, habits, and detrimental patterns that prevent you from living a magical life.

Lovingly Submitted,

Victoria Benoit, M.C.

Mind/Body Repatterning Practitioner

Amazon #1 Bestselling Author of What Would Love Do Right Now? A Guide to Living an Extraordinary Life, and Three Magical Words for a Magical Life.

Speaker

“It’s not an easy journey to get to a place where you forgive people. But it is such a powerful place, because it frees you.” ~ Tyler Perry

Healing your heart energetically, through visualization, is possible.

When you were growing up, your siblings may have been your closest friends, or so much older that they couldn’t identify with you or your life. As you all grow older and your lives diverge—differences of opinion, lifestyle, religious belief, socio-economic status—often cause rifts in your relationships, more so than distance and age. In any case—because they’re your siblings—you can be deeply hurt by their words or actions in much the same way as you can deeply hurt them with yours.

Immediate family members include: children, siblings, step-relationships, adoptive relationships, foster relationships, grandchildren, and godchildren.

When you consider there are many reasons such as, being judgmental, inconsiderate, disrespectful, stubborn, contemptuous, jealous, aggressive, pessimistic, etc.—which are not necessarily intentional— you can grant your immediate family members forgiveness with more compassion for their hurtful reactions and behaviors.

This is how I healed my relationship with my siblings.

• I’m the oldest of four children. My mother and I live in Phoenix, Arizona, about 35 miles from one another. My three younger siblings are spread out from Wisconsin to Wyoming.

• As my mother aged, she developed some medical and cognitive issues that required more and more personal care. The expectation was assumed—among my siblings—that it was my responsibility to make sure that all her needs were met because I was the one living closest to her.

• I was working full-time in my own business—in addition to traveling across town 90 minutes round trip three times per week—to help mom maintain her rapidly declining independence. I was paying her bills, taking her to doctor’s appointments, doing laundry and light housekeeping chores—for her and her two cats—plus tackling a variety of small home improvement projects and so much more.

• From childhood, my mother and I always seemed to be at odds with one another, and as her dementia progressed, it strained our relationship even more. No matter what I said or did for her, I received little to no appreciation or praise from her, AND—for that matter—no financial support or encouragement from my siblings. The overwhelming feeling that nobody cared hung over me for years.

• To add insult to injury, my husband was diagnosed with an aggressive form of cancer, and managing his care, in addition to that of my mother, took a toll on my business. I became so desperate for help I demanded that my brother take on the responsibility of being my mother’s Healthcare Power of Attorney thinking that it would inspire him to get involved. It made no difference. I was still expected to be an advocate for her and her primary family contact.

• My bitterness and resentment intensified after each passing week as I was putting everyone’s life before my needs, and it was starting to affect my well-being. I was losing weight rapidly. I was having difficulty sleeping and accomplishing routine tasks.

• After my husband passed away—and with him, his income—I was struggling financially. I urgently needed a reasonable sum of money to pay a few bills. With great trepidation, I set up a conference call with my siblings and asked to be compensated—from mom’s bank account—for all the time and effort I had been providing to our mother’s care out of the goodness of my heart. I implored them to consider that it was worthy of compensation since it took productive time away from my business and prevented me from participating in my personal activities and interests with friends.

• Without hesitating, my brother and youngest sister both said, “Yes.” Then, my other sister unequivocally said, “No, that’s Mom’s money. You can borrow it for this month, but you will have to pay her back.” Her words devastated me, so much so, that I could barely speak. But what happened next hurt me so deeply it infuriated me. Neither my brother nor sister—who had first generously agreed—stood up for me. They simply acquiesced to her emphatic refusal.

• In my stunned silence, I faintly heard them say that they appreciated all the things I did for mom. These words sounded hollow. They had the perfect opportunity to honor my sacrifice and demonstrate their gratitude but chose instead to be less than charitable. It wasn’t even their money. My mom had more than enough to cover her needs.

• Needless to say, I didn’t speak to any of them for quite some time. Furthermore, they felt no need to call and see how I was doing—which was even more hurtful.

• Everything changed when the inevitable day came that mom had a delusional episode and was no longer safe to stay in her home alone. In an emergency intervention, along with my mom’s doctor and authorization from my brother in Wisconsin, we determined that it was necessary to immediately transport my mom to a conveniently-located assisted living facility near my home and enrolled her in hospice care.

• Mom was utterly confused, irate, indignant, demanding, behaving aggressively toward me and the staff, and could not or would not be comforted. I was heartbroken to have to be the one to leave her—in her disoriented condition—in an unfamiliar facility.

• Once mom was settled, it was time to find her cats a new home, donate her clothing and household items, box up sentimental heirlooms, and liquidate her car, furniture, appliances, and mobile home.

• Thankfully, my brother, as well as my oldest sister and her husband, flew in to help me accomplish the monumental endeavor in just five days. After they left, my youngest sister flew in to help organize all the boxes that were hauled and stacked haphazardly in my garage. It was heartwarming to see my siblings come together to honor the things of value that were revered by our mother.

• It felt so good to be surrounded by family, even though my siblings only stayed for a short time. I had forgotten how much they meant to me and how I am still—and always will be—connected to them. I also realized I was still harboring animosity toward their lack of support, inconsideration, and unrealistic expectations.

• Since all of my siblings were unable to be here with me, I chose to energetically release, through visualization, and heal the harm they caused me.

• Knowing that one’s mind doesn’t know the difference between what’s real and what’s imaginary made it possible for me to visualize my sisters and brother—as if they are physically standing in front of me—saying, “We’re sorry for not putting ourselves in your shoes and granting you the compensation you deserved. We’re ready to do that now. Please, let us know what works for you.” Then I visualized my sister who had denied me compensation, ask, “How can we make it up to you?”

• The thought that they could make it up to me and remove completely all the harm and all the hurt feelings, made me so, so happy. I could feel them honoring my contribution to our mother, acknowledging me for my sacrifices, and in unison all agreeing that it WAS truly worthy of significant compensation.

• As I visualized myself accepting their authentic amends, I knew the way to integrate the much-deserved acknowledgment into my life was to do something extra special FOR MYSELF with my friends. This healed my heart and made it possible for me to maintain a healthy long-distance relationship with all of my siblings.

Does the Magical Healing Process really make a difference? Yes, and to live a magical life, there’s no hope in avoidance. Going into the unknown parts of yourself from your past may not be easy, however, it is necessary.

There are only two predominant things going on in your life. You either have something you don’t want (shame, blame, guilt, anger, envy, frustration, resentment, or regret). Or, you want something you don’t have.

Is transformational support available? For those who want to have an extraordinary, remarkable, exceptional, outstanding, incredible, phenomenal, unbelievable, amazing, astonishing, astounding, marvelous, fantastic, magnificent, wonderful, sensational, miraculous, fabulous, stupendous, out of this world, terrific, awesome, and wondrous life, feel free to choose a certified practitioner on the Repatterning Practitioners Association website who can support you in identifying and releasing negative beliefs, thoughts, feelings, behaviors, habits, and detrimental patterns that prevent you from living a magical life.

Lovingly Submitted,

Victoria Benoit, M.C.

Mind/Body Repatterning Practitioner

Amazon #1 Bestselling Author of What Would Love Do Right Now? A Guide to Living an Extraordinary Life, and Three Magical Words for a Magical Life.

Speaker

“Brothers and sisters are special. They fight. They make up. They laugh. They cry. They’re far from perfect. But when you really need them, they have your back.” ~ Helen M. Barry

It’s amazing that intimate relationships happen at all.

Intimate relationships take courage and resilience. They are the riskiest of all relationships in our lives. They demand priority and they involve your whole heart.

Intimate partners include: your first love, boyfriends, girlfriends, live-in partners, husbands, wives, significant others, and anyone else you consider an intimate partner.

We all grew up witnessing many aspects of our parents’ relationship, some of which were less than optimal. Your parents may have shown each other love, affection, kindness, generosity, and forgiveness, or you may have witnessed physical, emotional, mental, spiritual, and even financial abuse.

As children, we develop conclusions about what constitutes intimate relationships and how they work. Often, we mirror the characteristics of our parents’ relationship or we choose the exact opposite type of behavior when interacting with a partner.

In the day to day of intimate relationships, things happen that leave us feeling hurt, bitter, resentful, angry, betrayed, or even vengeful. When we keep these feelings inside and don’t heal the wounds, the relationship is doomed to fail.

According to Bert Hellinger, one of the most painful experiences in a relationship is when you realize that the other person is giving back less than you are giving, and you are more invested in the relationship than they are.

When relationships end—especially when betrayal is involved—we shut our hearts and there’s no room to cultivate a healthy loving relationship. Any new person has no chance with us because we are projecting the previous relationship onto them. It’s of paramount importance that we heal the broken relationships from our past in order to move forward.

When you consider there are many reasons such as, substance abuse, being inconsiderate and disrespectful, low self-esteem, lack of impulse control, trust issues, jealousy, etc.—which are not necessarily intentional—you can grant your intimate partners forgiveness with more compassion for their hurtful reactions and behaviors.

This is how I healed my relationship with an intimate partner.

• When I met Larry at work and our eyes met, it was love at first sight. We were both Juniors and attended the same high school. I remember it being a whirlwind romance leading up to him asking me to our Junior/Senior Prom. I was beyond delighted, all dressed up in a flowing formal gown with a delicate corsage of pink roses that matched my dress, being escorted by a handsome, athletic young man in a black tuxedo.

• Over the summer, we remained devoted and committed. We went everywhere together, swimming in a nearby lake, riding bikes along the river, and hiking secluded woodland trails. Our relationship was the envy of all my girlfriends. Everything we did seemed beyond affectionate and very romantic, so much so, that he became my first lover.

• Before we knew it, summer was over and we were back at school, the leaves were falling, and winter was blowing in from the north. Larry was such a demonstrative guy. He carried my books, helped me put on my fur-lined coat. He treated me like a queen for all to see.

• That year the holidays flew by. Thanksgiving with my family was amazing, followed by the most awesome Christmas of my life. Before we knew it, Spring was here and our lunch hours were being spent at a friend’s house across the street from the school so we could be together—alone.

• One day another girl showed up at the house. When she saw Larry and I coming out of a bedroom, she exploded, “What are you doing with her? I thought you loved me.” I was shocked and humiliated. I had no idea Larry was seeing anyone else while we were dating.

• The cat was out of the bag. He was playing both of us! I felt so hurt and betrayed! At the time, I was so head over heels in love with him that—rather than breaking up with him—I demanded that he choose, “It’s me or her.” I assumed he would choose me—I was wrong, he chose her. Ouch!

• Over the next few days, it was difficult to see him at work. I had a hard time controlling my emotions. I cried and cried. Even though he tried to comfort me, I wanted no part of his sympathy. I nevertheless did relent to meet with him because I wanted to talk about his lying, betrayal, and infidelity.

• By this time, it was weeks away from graduation. He was planning to go to college nearby, and I was planning to pursue a career in radiology as an X-ray technician at a local hospital. I was clear that I did not want to get back together with someone who wasn’t honest and would cheat on me, but I wanted to know why. Why did he feel the need to thoughtlessly break my heart? And yet, on some level, I didn’t want to know.

• We met Saturday after work at the park. My heart was in my throat. I could barely say, “I’m not responsible for what happened—you are. What were you thinking?”

• He began by saying, “I’m sorry for lying and cheating on you. I was a total jerk. You didn’t deserve that. Can we still be friends? How can I make it up to you?”

• I said, “Friends? I don’t think so. You chose her! There’s NOTHING you can do to make it up to me, but I do accept your apology.”

• Be that as it may, accepting his apology was enough to heal the indelicate way my first romance ended. It allowed me to embrace the wonderful love-at-first-sight memories I experienced, so that I could love again with an open heart.

Does the Magical Healing Process really make a difference? Yes, and to live a magical life, there’s no hope in avoidance. Going into the unknown parts of yourself from your past may not be easy, however, it is necessary.

There are only two predominant things going on in your life. You either have something you don’t want (shame, blame, guilt, anger, envy, frustration, resentment, or regret). Or, you want something you don’t have.

Is transformational support available? For those who want to have an extraordinary, remarkable, exceptional, outstanding, incredible, phenomenal, unbelievable, amazing, astonishing, astounding, marvelous, fantastic, magnificent, wonderful, sensational, miraculous, fabulous, stupendous, out of this world, terrific, awesome, and wondrous life, feel free to choose a certified practitioner on the Repatterning Practitioners Association website who can support you in identifying and releasing negative beliefs, thoughts, feelings, behaviors, habits, and detrimental patterns that prevent you from living a magical life.

Lovingly Submitted,

Victoria Benoit, M.C.

Mind/Body Repatterning Practitioner

Amazon #1 Bestselling Author of What Would Love Do Right Now? A Guide to Living an Extraordinary Life, and Three Magical Words for a Magical Life.

Speaker

“You’ll never know how strong your heart is until you learn to forgive who broke it.” ~ Author Unknown

Heal your relationship with your father now.

To live a magical life—filled with magical experiences, magical people, magical creativity, a magical career, magical moments with your children, friends, colleagues, neighbors, spouses, lovers, etc.—you must heal your relationships with your biological parents first.

You can never separate yourself from the sperm of your father and the egg of your mother—whether they are known to you or not—and no matter how far you try to distance yourself from them, you will always be a product of them.

Parental figures also include: step-parents, adoptive parents, foster parents, and anyone else who you would describe as a parent. In the event that there was abuse from any parental figure (physical, emotional, mental, sexual, and spiritual), set aside your reluctance and consider healing the wounds.

Consider that there are many reasons such as, emotional overwhelm, lack of support, inherited disciplinary customs, mental disorders, impatience, etc.—which are not necessarily intentional—and that you can grant your parents forgiveness with more compassion for their hurtful reactions and behaviors.

This is how I healed my relationship with my father.

• Growing up, it was apparent that my mom wore the pants in the family. Whenever I wanted something, I’d ask my dad and even though he’d say, “Yes,” he’d always conclude with, “But it’s up to your mother.” She inevitably said, “No!”

• At church, I’d hear that the man is the head of the household, but not at my house. I was very confused and didn’t understand why my dad wouldn’t take on the man’s role in our family.

• One Saturday morning when I was 12, my mom called a family meeting and announced that my dad was moving out. She offered no explanation as to why—and neither did he. He did, however, say he didn’t really want to leave, but he felt it was best. I felt betrayed. I was stunned, scared, devastated, sad, angry—every emotion imaginable.

• I realized that if he left, I’d end up being the one responsible for everything between the time I got home from school and when mom got home from work. She expected me to do the housework, make dinner, and babysit my younger sisters and brother. Without my father, I’d be on my own with no one to support me. I would have to end all my after-school activities. The fun times were over—forever!

• I just wanted to pinch my dad’s ear and say, “Wake up! Stand up for yourself. How can you let her walk all over you? Why won’t you save our family? What about ME?” I felt it was time for him to be the man of the house—he failed me.

• After my dad moved out, I withdrew any respect I had left for him. I would go to the scheduled visitations, where he usually catered to what my 3-year-old brother needed. What I needed—again—didn’t seem to matter. I shut my heart to him.

• Over the years, my mom was always harping about how weak, spineless, and inconsiderate he was, which I took on as true. When I was about 15, I started making excuses not to see him—I didn’t get the point of spending time with him. We rarely got together after that, except for my birthday and holidays. It seemed to work just fine for me.

• My parents eventually got divorced and each of them remarried. Over the next 45 years, as I became an adult, my dad and I were able to have some wonderful talks about life and became closer, until his death several years later. Yet, I knew there was still something missing.

• After recalling the details of what happened when he left home, I knew I was now ready to be free of my resentment and bitterness. Next, I visualized my dad in front of me taking back his responsibility and guilt for what happened. I imagined him saying what I longed to hear, “I am sorry I didn’t stand up for you and our family. I allowed your mother to rule the roost because it was easier for me. I realize I could have worked harder to provide the support you needed. I know that my leaving without telling you why must have had a negative impact on you. Over the years, I’ve learned to be more assertive and now feel strong within myself. How can I make it up to you, Vicki?” I saw him giving me the support I needed by helping me organize my finances and giving me tips about where I should invest my money.

• Doing this process, even though my dad had passed, helped me open my heart completely. My memories are now filled with much greater respect and admiration for him.

This is how I healed the harm I caused my father.

• Wanting to reconcile my relationship with my father began when I was 18. Even though I was still living with my mother, I felt an urge to talk to my dad and apologize for rejecting him when I was 12.

• We met and took this wonderful two-hour walk on the bank of the Root River. I shared with him that the only way I knew how to survive living with mom, was to cut him out of most areas of my life. He shared his side of the story, which was completely different than my mother’s story about him. I listened, listened even more, and came to some realizations about who my dad really was. We held hands, talked, and wept. I shared the impact some of his behaviors had on my life and the conclusions I came to because of them. He understood.

• As we were talking, I took responsibility for the harm I had caused him, by withholding my love, affection and attention. At one point, we stopped in our tracks, looked each other in the eye and I told him how sorry I was for being so distant. He let me know that he understood what was happening and was waiting for this day to come—which came much sooner than he expected. I promised him, that I would do my best to include him in my life.

• We parted that day with so much love in our hearts, and our relationship grew stronger every day thereafter.

Does the Magical Healing Process really make a difference? Yes, and to live a magical life, there’s no hope in avoidance. Going into the unknown parts of yourself from your past may not be easy, however, it is necessary.

There are only two predominant things going on in your life. You either have something you don’t want (shame, blame, guilt, anger, envy, frustration, resentment, or regret). Or, you want something you don’t have.

Is transformational support available? For those who want to have an extraordinary, remarkable, exceptional, outstanding, incredible, phenomenal, unbelievable, amazing, astonishing, astounding, marvelous, fantastic, magnificent, wonderful, sensational, miraculous, fabulous, stupendous, out of this world, terrific, awesome, and wondrous life, feel free to choose a certified practitioner on the Repatterning Practitioners Association website who can support you in identifying and releasing negative beliefs, thoughts, feelings, behaviors, habits, and detrimental patterns that prevent you from living a magical life.

Lovingly Submitted,

Victoria Benoit, M.C.

Mind/Body Repatterning Practitioner

Amazon #1 Bestselling Author of What Would Love Do Right Now? A Guide to Living an Extraordinary Life, and Three Magical Words for a Magical Life.

Speaker

“Forgiveness is the best form of love. It takes a strong person to say they are sorry and an even stronger person to forgive.” ~ Author Unknown

Heal your relationship with your mother first.

To live a magical life—filled with magical experiences, magical people, magical creativity, a magical career, magical moments with your children, friends, colleagues, neighbors, spouses, lovers, etc.—you must heal your relationships with your biological parents first.

You can never separate yourself from the sperm of your father and the egg of your mother—whether they are known to you or not—and no matter how far you try to distance yourself from them, you will always be a product of them.

Parental figures also include: step-parents, adoptive parents, foster parents, and anyone else who you would describe as a parent. In the event that there was abuse from any parental figure (physical, emotional, mental, sexual, and spiritual), set aside your reluctance and consider healing the wounds.

Consider that there are many reasons such as, emotional overwhelm, lack of support, inherited disciplinary customs, mental disorders, impatience, etc.—which are not necessarily intentional—and that you can grant your parents forgiveness with more compassion for their hurtful reactions and behaviors.

This is how I healed my relationship with my mother.

• Growing up, I felt my mother had my destiny in her hands. So, I believed it was best to do and say what she told me to do and say—even though deep inside I knew it was wrong. One of the most hurtful things she did, when my parents separated, was to tell me horrible things about my father that I believed. I thought I had to reject my father to live peacefully with her. So, I spent very little time with him and when we were together, I was distant and looking for evidence that my mother was right. This left me feeling confused, anxious, and guilty because I loved my father. I got stuck with these emotions at age 12.

• My relationship with my mother continued to be turbulent throughout my adulthood. After my second divorce, I moved across the country and stayed with my mother until I got settled. After I got a great job and a place to live, I moved out. It was then that I realized counseling was necessary for me to focus on healing our relationship.

• I had been working diligently with my counselor to heal the many harmful incidents in my childhood relative to my mother. One day my mother came over to my apartment—unannounced—to let me know she had lost her job and the only way she could survive was to move in with me. She told me all the things she had done for me throughout her life, and therefore I owed it to her to take her in. Regardless of how much work I had done to heal myself, I still just acquiesced and said, “Yes.”

• About an hour later at my counseling session, it was brought home to me that I had reverted emotionally to the little girl who always obeyed her mother—no matter what. I became determined not to do that.

• When I got home, my mother was happily awaiting both my return and the prospect of living together. I mustered up the courage to tell her that coming to live with me would not work. I offered to pay her rent and help in any other way I could. Even in the midst of my fear about her reaction, I felt powerful and proud of standing up for myself. How I related to my mother after this, was never again driven by that little 12-year-old girl.

• She told me I was an ungrateful brat, disowned me, and left. She called for several days afterword and was verbally abusive. Each time, I simply told her that when she could talk to me with respect, I would be glad to have the conversation, and that I was hanging up now. She eventually stopped calling, and we didn’t speak to each other for about five years.

• During this 5-year timeout, I continued to work with my counselor to heal all the incidents with my mother that were still impacting my life. Eventually, I reached a place where all the wounds of the little girl inside me were healed, and I felt free and at peace with my mother.

• I released many stored emotions and gave the responsibility and guilt back to her. I visualized my mother communicating sincere apologies to me, starting with “I am sorry for all the things I did that hurt you. You didn’t deserve that.” I imagined her promising to get the help she needed to heal her past. With each incident, I energetically asked her to say to me what I needed to hear, and asked her to do what I needed her to do for me in order to restore the relationship. Then I imagined her saying, as well as doing, what I had asked.

• At 40, I could look back—from an adult perspective—and put myself in my mom’s shoes. I was able to feel compassion for what she was going through at the time and could understand some of the choices she made. There were many behaviors with which I did not agree and yet I generously chose forgiveness and set myself free.

• When I completed counseling and was feeling strong. I wrote down all the ways I had turned out great. I included all the positive skills, abilities, and strengths I developed and integrated into my life as a result of the responsibilities that my mother entrusted to me as a child. I filled a whole page!

• Afterward, I reached out to my mother to ask whether we could get together and talk. She said it would be a while before she was ready to see me, but she was willing to talk over the phone.

• During the next year, we talked and worked through the issues we still harbored. I came to understand and have compassion for her. We each took responsibility for the harm we caused one another and when we were both ready, we met. The reunion was heartfelt and loving. We have been able to maintain a caring, respectful relationship most of the time.

• I was her advocate as she transitioned into assisted living. She is now super appreciative of the time I spend with her which feels good to hear and feeds my soul.

Does the Magical Healing Process really make a difference? Yes, and to live a magical life, there’s no hope in avoidance. Going into the unknown parts of yourself from your past may not be easy, however, it is necessary.

There are only two predominant things going on in your life. You either have something you don’t want (shame, blame, guilt, anger, envy, frustration, resentment, or regret). Or, you want something you don’t have.

Is transformational support available? For those who want to have an extraordinary, remarkable, exceptional, outstanding, incredible, phenomenal, unbelievable, amazing, astonishing, astounding, marvelous, fantastic, magnificent, wonderful, sensational, miraculous, fabulous, stupendous, out of this world, terrific, awesome, and wondrous life, feel free to choose a certified practitioner on the Repatterning Practitioners Association website who can support you in identifying and releasing negative beliefs, thoughts, feelings, behaviors, habits, and detrimental patterns that prevent you from living a magical life.

Lovingly Submitted,

Victoria Benoit, M.C.

Mind/Body Repatterning Practitioner

Amazon #1 Bestselling Author of What Would Love Do Right Now? A Guide to Living an Extraordinary Life, and Three Magical Words for a Magical Life.

Speaker

“Forgiving my parents didn’t excuse their behavior, but it allowed me to move past the hurt.” ~ Tracey Casciano

Grow in your capacity to love and be loved.

Apply the following Magical Healing suggestions for success. Regardless of whether you are healing the unresolved hurt from those who have harmed you, or from those you have harmed.

• 1. Remember to pace yourself. Rome wasn’t built in a day. Whether you process one incident per day, per week, or per month really doesn’t matter. What matters the most is completing this process in the time that works for YOU. Be sure to give yourself some integration time between each person and acknowledge yourself for the courage it took to heal your relationship.

• 2. Acknowledging yourself. At the end of each healing session, whether you have healed with one person or a dozen, do something special for yourself as a way to acknowledge the courage it took. Doing this feeds your soul and provides support to continue healing. Know that you are doing what it takes to create a magical life.

• 3. Contacting people. For those individuals who have the capacity to listen and take responsibility, reach out and share that you’re creating a magical life. Explain that you’re in the process of forgiving yourself for the harm you’ve caused others, making amends to them, and forgiving those who have caused harm to you. During the process, you’ve discovered some hurt feelings in your relationship with them. Ask whether they would be open and willing to participate in a forgiveness healing process and grow in their capacity to love and be loved. After they say yes, set up a time to get together. If they say no, allow them to be how they are at the moment—don’t take it personally—they may change their mind and contact you later.

• 4. Patterns. As you’re healing incidents, you may see patterns of behavior that happened with multiple people. If this occurs, do the Magical Healing Process with everyone who comes to mind that fits the pattern. I used this process to heal the pattern of harm caused by five individual friends, each of whom ended their friendship with me abruptly without an explanation. I realized the pattern began with never forgiving my father for packing up and leaving the family without an explanation. I healed that as soon as I saw it. As a result, the pattern has not reappeared.

• 5. Priority. Make resolving your past experiences urgent and important by scheduling time regularly until you have healed and feel peaceful. As you make the effort to heal each incident, notice how much freer and lighter you feel and over time how all the areas of your life are becoming richer, fuller, and more meaningful.

Does the Magical Healing Process really make a difference? Yes, and to live a magical life, there’s no hope in avoidance. Going into the unknown parts of yourself from your past may not be easy, however, it is necessary.

There are only two predominant things going on in your life. You either have something you don’t want (shame, blame, guilt, anger, envy, frustration, resentment, or regret). Or, you want something you don’t have.

Is transformational support available? For those who want to have an extraordinary, remarkable, exceptional, outstanding, incredible, phenomenal, unbelievable, amazing, astonishing, astounding, marvelous, fantastic, magnificent, wonderful, sensational, miraculous, fabulous, stupendous, out of this world, terrific, awesome, and wondrous life, feel free to choose a certified practitioner on the Repatterning Practitioners Association website who can support you in identifying and releasing negative beliefs, thoughts, feelings, behaviors, habits, and detrimental patterns that prevent you from living a magical life.

Lovingly Submitted,

Victoria Benoit, M.C.

Mind/Body Repatterning Practitioner

Amazon #1 Bestselling Author of What Would Love Do Right Now? A Guide to Living an Extraordinary Life, and Three Magical Words for a Magical Life.

Speaker

“If you never heal from what hurt you, you’ll bleed on people who didn’t cut you.” ~ Tamara Kulish

Free your heart. Free your mind. FREE YOUR SOUL!

Applying the Magical Healing Process to people YOU have harmed. Do this to liberate yourself from the guilt of any harm you caused—or think you caused—to other people in your life. Often, the way we have been harmed is the way we harm others. This is not for the accidental times you hurt someone. This is for the times when you were angry, jealous, afraid, or hurt and didn’t know how to respond other than to take it out on the other person.

• For example: Those times when you acted out, lied, cheated, tattled, stole, took the credit, shifted the blame, sabotaged another, etc.

The survival ego part of you reacted rather than responded. That was you in the past. Now is now, and NOW is the time to let go and free yourself from these experiences. Free your heart. Free your mind. Free your soul.

Have compassion. No need to judge yourself harshly if you think there are too many people you have hurt, just love yourself, and pace yourself. This isn’t a race. It’s better to get everything out and in the process of healing than to keep it bundled inside. Take a couple of deep breaths and relax. This may not be as comfortable as healing with those who harmed you, although, you’ll have a lot more energy available to you just by doing this. You’ll have to trust me on this one.

The Magical Healing Process with people you have harmed. This recipe also has four ingredients: 1) recalling and recording the incidents; 2) releasing your associated feelings; 3) energetically taking back the responsibility and guilt; and 4) giving your authentic and sincere apology.

Recalling. For each relationship category—your parents, your intimate partners, your children and siblings, your extended family, your friends, teachers, coaches, clergy, and your work associates—recall an incident where you harmed another.

Recording. In your Healing Notebook, include your age and what happened in as much detail as possible (i.e. what you did or didn’t do—what you said or didn’t say), as well as the person’s name along with their relationship to you.

• For example: You might start by saying, “I’m ready now to face and heal the harm I have done to others,” then, accept whatever arises. Remember, your mind doesn’t know the difference between what’s real and what’s imaginary. Don’t spend time wondering whether something really happened—just work with it.

Releasing. As you recall each experience, allow your emotions to surface. Whatever the emotion is, really feel it and let it out.

• For example: when you feel remorse, regret, grief, sadness, shame, embarrassment, or anger—REALLY feel it and express it—cry, journal, punch your pillow, whatever works for you. The only rule is to not harm yourself or others. Keep going until you experience a sense of freedom and calmness. Releasing your feelings begins the process of healing.

Freeing. It’s now time to energetically free the other person from the harm you caused by taking back the responsibility and guilt for what happened. Close your eyes and visualize the other person standing in front of you. Say the following statement aloud:

• “I take back the responsibility and accept the guilt for the harm I caused you. It is no longer necessary for you to assume this responsibility. I give you my blessings as you move forward in your life.”

Visualize the other person gladly receiving your communication and imagine them saying to you—with honor and respect:

• “I appreciate the generosity and courage it took for you to admit that your unkind behavior offended me deeply.”

NOTE: I recommend copying these statements into your Healing Notebook so they’re easily accessible when you’re healing each experience.

Offering an authentic apology. To complete the process, recall the incident you want to heal along with the person you harmed and provide the following:

First: A genuine, authentic and complete apology with no excuses or equivocation.

• For example: “I am sorry for disrespecting you. You didn’t deserve that.”

Then: Action(s) that ensure it won’t occur again.

• For example: “I promise to be kind, considerate, and honest in the future.”

Next: A way to restore the relationship.

• For example: “How can I make it up to you?”

Finally: Picture them telling you what they need—then you COMPLYING. Imagine the other person accepting your blessings.

Integration. After healing each experience, it’s a good idea to be gentle with yourself and take some time to embrace the healing.

• For example: Breathe deeply through your nose, which will help you to relax. Breathe in love and breathe out any tension that you may be holding in your body.

Take a break before continuing with the next person. After you’ve integrated the healing between you and others, you may see positive, loving actions to take with people in your life.

Does the Magical Healing Process really make a difference? Yes, and to live a magical life, there’s no hope in avoidance. Going into the unknown parts of yourself from your past may not be easy, however, it is necessary.

There are only two predominant things going on in your life. You either have something you don’t want (shame, blame, guilt, anger, envy, frustration, resentment, or regret). Or, you want something you don’t have.

Is transformational support available? For those who want to have an extraordinary, remarkable, exceptional, outstanding, incredible, phenomenal, unbelievable, amazing, astonishing, astounding, marvelous, fantastic, magnificent, wonderful, sensational, miraculous, fabulous, stupendous, out of this world, terrific, awesome, and wondrous life, feel free to choose a certified practitioner on the Repatterning Practitioners Association website who can support you in identifying and releasing negative beliefs, thoughts, feelings, behaviors, habits, and detrimental patterns that prevent you from living a magical life.

Lovingly Submitted,

Victoria Benoit, M.C.

Mind/Body Repatterning Practitioner

Amazon #1 Bestselling Author of What Would Love Do Right Now? A Guide to Living an Extraordinary Life, and Three Magical Words for a Magical Life.

Speaker

“Making amends does not indicate weakness ~ It’s a willingness to embrace your most vulnerable self.” ~ Author Unknown