What Would Love Do Right Now in Designing Your Life?

Here’s your opportunity to step into being the chief executive officer of your life. As the CEO creating your extraordinary life, what would you do differently? How would you talk to yourself? What inner positive qualities would you express?

Consider that the first and most important person in your life is you. You may be concerned that putting yourself first is selfish. It’s actually the opposite—it’s very empowering. Loving yourself and doing what’s best for you, is best for those you love and those who love you.

It’s important to begin with clarifying your purpose and, living from this purpose, you can then design your ideal day, ideal home life, ideal career, and ideal relationship—the life you’ve always wanted. We will begin today by exploring your purpose and over the next few months you will have the opportunity to design the rest.

Clarifying Your Purpose

I believe each of us is born with a purpose. As children, we suppress our sense of purpose in order to be accepted and fit in. We stop expressing our heartfelt desires and forget who we were born to be. There are those who never realize their purpose. They simply live their lives defined by what they’re taught at home, in school, or at their place of worship.

What would it be like to live a purpose-filled life? Those magical moments when you are fully engaged—in the flow, losing track of time, on a roll, on top of the world—are unconscious expressions of your purpose. Once you are present to your purpose, you can live a life filled with magical moments. Do you wake up and do the same things every day like in the movie Groundhog Day—get up, shower, shave, get dressed, eat breakfast, go to work, go to the gym, stop at the store, pick up the dry cleaning, return home, eat, watch TV, play with the kids, and go to bed? Then, the next day, you do it all over again—asking yourself, “What’s the point?”

By clarifying your purpose, life can take on a completely new meaning—it can truly be an adventure, whatever you’re doing. Purpose is more than what you’re doing—it’s a way of being that you bring to life, such as love, inspiration, or a desire to bring out the best in others. It can be as far-reaching as ending world hunger or as personal as putting food on your family’s table.

It is so important to know that what you identify as your purpose is enough—it is right for you right now. Comparing your innate purpose with anyone else’s is futile. You may think someone else’s purpose is grander than yours—it’s not—each person’s purpose is distinct. Your goal is to be fully yourself, the best possible you, and let your light shine.

I clarified my purpose by examining my life through a series of powerful questions adapted from the Raised Vibration Owning My Purpose Workshop.

  • Which behaviors did I give up and which do I still use to survive?
  • In what areas am I fulfilled, contented, or dissatisfied?  Relationships; Career; Health; Finances; Self-expression; and Personal Power.       
  • What principles guide my personal behavior and actions?
  • What am I doing when I’m in the zone and lose track of time?                     
  • What am I passionate about?
  • What makes my heart sing?

In reviewing my life, I realized that by the time I turned 5, I had given up my curiosity, sense of adventure, and playful nature in order to be a “good girl,” help with my siblings, obey the rules, and please my mom.

The older I became, as more demands were made of me, I found it necessary to give up my authenticity, as well as my full self-expression. Over time, I abandoned my desires and passions, even my dignity, and became accommodating, agreeable, and submissive to foster harmony within the family and get approval, acknowledgment, and acceptance.

In the workshop, as I evaluated the areas of my life that were working and not working, I recognized a reawakening of my desires and passions through my spiritual connection, my relationships, and my career—all of which were very fulfilling. I was satisfied with my health and finances. However, in the areas of my personal power and full self-expression, I remained accommodating, agreeable, and submissive to maintain harmony and acceptance.

The facilitator then had us focus on identifying core principles. I distinguished mine as love, inspiration, empowerment, encouragement, as well as honor and respect. Next, I reflected on being in the zone. I noticed that I tend to lose track of time when I am engaged in heart-felt conversations, creative writing, and being alone in nature. These exercises culminated in discovering that I am passionate about people living extraordinary lives.

At the end of the workshop when asked, “What way of being lights you up—what is your purpose?” My answer was clear—I inspire and empower others’ greatness to live extraordinary lives.

Since my life is continually evolving, I periodically review my purpose. I recently realized that I hadn’t included myself, so I created a new version with a few more details—I inspire and empower myself and others to live extraordinary lives overflowing with love, adventure, passion, and joy!


Alright, It’s your turn. I recommend examining your life through the series of powerful questions above. Let the part of you that knows, reveal the inner desires that come from your heart. While exploring your purpose, don’t hold anything back.

This process will reveal a lot. You’ll be amazed. You may see where you’re settling for what you think you should be doing, according to family traditions and cultural norms, rather than having what you really want in life.

Perhaps your feel stuck or blocked from having clarity, or you are unable to even imagine what you want. This is where Resonance Repatterning® comes in. This method, developed by Chloe Faith Wordsworth, identifies and shifts the negative beliefs, generational patterns and low self-esteem that are preventing you from identifying your purpose. After shifting, you’ll be able to take the appropriate actions to live your purpose and explore possibilities you never thought were attainable.

You may want to consider going to the Repatterning Practitioners Association website and choose a certified practitioner you feel guided to working with and give them a call. You’ll be amazed at the results.

May the wisdom inside you take you on a journey into your heart where your greatness abides. Now, that’s living a heart-centered, extraordinary life!

Lovingly Submitted,

Victoria Benoit, M.C.

 Healer, Speaker, Amazon #1 Bestselling Author, What Would Love Do Right Now? A Guide to Living an Extraordinary Life and Three Magical Words for a Magical Life.

What Would Love Do Right Now in Restoring Your Power?

A loss of personal power often occurs when you have what is called a triggered response. This happens when you are going along great in life, then someone comes too close, says or does something unexpected, you see/hear/ smell something, and—BAM—you have an emotional reaction that feels out of proportion and/or inappropriate relative to what just happened.

These triggers call up negative or hurtful experiences from the past, which impact your feelings, thoughts, and behaviors in the present. Your response can be big or small, immediate or sneak up on you slowly—it usually comes from traumatic, upsetting, unresolved, or suppressed memories. When you are reacting in this way, you have less power to be present and take appropriate action.

Since I have introduced Bernie to the question ‘what would love do right now?’, when he notices I’m triggered, he reminds me to use it. He simply looks into my eyes and says, “Honey, what would love do right now?” That brings me to the present and I say, “Oh, love would relax and take a deep breath. I’m going to take some time right now to figure out what this is all about. See you in a bit.” He kindly replies, “I’ll be here when you’re finished. Let me know if you need anything from me.” Then I use the Restoring My Power process to explore the incident that triggered me, release the past, and heal my heart.

I recommend you do this for yourself when you are triggered. It will set you free to love again. It will also set others free. I was able to resolve one of my recurring upsets triggered by Bernie’s behavior, through inquiring into what caused it, then choosing to make my needs a priority, and restoring my power.

I used to get quite angry and feel disrespected on the many mornings that Bernie left a mess in the kitchen before going to work. When I examined what bothered me so much about it, I remembered the first time my mom got home from work before I had cleaned the house to her strict standards. She started yelling, “I can’t believe you didn’t do what I asked. You are so ungrateful. I work hard to keep us in a nice neighborhood.” I concluded right then that being accepted depended on knowing the rules and obeying them to the letter, and that people who don’t clean up after themselves are ungrateful slobs. I was then able to share with Bernie in a new way. I let him know what I had discovered about the rules I have for being socially acceptable, and how I saw his behavior as being disrespectful and dishonoring me, whenever he left a mess in the kitchen. This provided us with the opportunity to lovingly work together to express our needs and desires and create a plan that worked for both of us.

This is where Resonance Repatterning® comes in. This method, developed by Chloe Faith Wordsworth, can identify the event that is triggering you, the conclusions you came to, like I did above, and the pattern that ensued. It then allows you to shift your resonance and heal the wounds from this past harmful experience. Once you heal what triggered you, your power can be restored!

You may want to consider going to the Repatterning Practitioners Association website and choose a certified practitioner you feel guided to working with and give them a call. You’ll be amazed at the results.

May the wisdom inside you take you on a journey into your heart where your greatness abides. Now, that’s living a heart-centered, extraordinary life!

Lovingly Submitted,

Victoria Benoit, M.C.

 Healer, Speaker, Amazon #1 Bestselling Author, What Would Love Do Right Now? A Guide to Living an Extraordinary Life and Three Magical Words for a Magical Life.

Accessing Your Self-Expression Through Spirituality

Self-love

How does spiritual self-expression relate to love?

I believe awakening your spirituality begins with self-love—accepting yourself exactly as you are—having compassion for your weaknesses and celebrating your gifts—expressing the natural love of self with which you were born.

One of the highest spiritual expressions you can offer is loving others the way they are and the way they are not, and allowing yourself to be loved in return—this is unconditional love.

Feeling whole and complete within yourself, you can then love others from the overflow. You can expand your capacity to love by keeping your heart open no matter what—honoring yourself—expressing your needs and desires—and tapping into your uniqueness. Doing this will naturally spill over to those you love and can be an inspiration to those who love you. You can then encourage each other to be authentic and bring your unique self-expression to all your relationships and all areas of life.

One of the ways I connect to my inner divinity is to ride my bicycle through the park and sing, I Love Myself the Way I Am, written by Jai Josephs.

I love myself the way I am, there’s nothing I need to change. I’ll always be the perfect me, there’s nothing to rearrange.
I’m beautiful and capable, of being the best me I can.
And I love myself, just the way I am.

I love you the way you are, there’s nothing you need to do.                                     When I feel the love inside, it’s easy to love you.
Behind your fears, your rage and tears, I see your shining star.
And I love you, just the way you are.

I love the world the way it is, ’cause I can clearly see.
That all the things I judge are done, by people just like me.
So ’til the birth of peace on earth, that only love can bring.
I’ll help it grow, by loving everything.

I love myself the way I am, and I still want to grow.
But change outside can only come, when deep inside I know.
I’m beautiful and capable, of being the best me I can.
And I love myself, just the way I am.

Accessing your self-expression—through exploring specific events in your life and the impact they had on your creativity, communication, and spirituality—can bring you more joy, peace of mind, happiness, fulfillment, and love.

Resonance Repatterning                                                                                           

This is where Resonance Repatterning® comes in. This method, developed by Chloe Faith Wordsworth, releases the resonance with not loving yourself and any generational beliefs that no longer serve you such as, ‘loving yourself means you’re self-centered’. It also allows you to heal wounds from past harmful experiences—along with any unconscious conclusions and patterns that ensued—in regard to your spirituality. It then allows you to align with your inner divinity and expand your capacity to love and be loved by keeping your heart open. You may want to consider going to the Repatterning Practitioners Association website and choosing a certified practitioner you feel guided to working with and give them a call. You’ll be amazed at the results.

May the wisdom inside you take you on a journey into your heart where your greatness abides. Now, that’s living a heart-centered, extraordinary life!

Lovingly Submitted, Victoria Benoit, M.C.

 Healer, Speaker, Amazon #1 Bestselling Author, What Would Love Do Right Now? A Guide to Living an Extraordinary Life and Three Magical Words for a Magical Life.

What Would Love Do Right Now in Your Self-Expression?

Dancing coupleWhen you are self-expressed, you live life from the essence of who you are without much attention on yourself. You are so present in the moment, being who you are, that your inner critic is silenced, the constant flood of thoughts, ideas, and opinions in your mind slows down, and you’re fully alive just doing your thing—whether that be dancing, playing guitar, making love, hiking in nature, expressing your truth with another, meditating in communion with your divine self, or simply being grateful for your life.

Accessing Your Self-Expression Through Creativity

As you move into having a more balanced life, be sure you’re honoring all the areas of life that are important to you—work, family, hobbies, friends, education, relationship, and remember to include creativity. Give yourself permission to take an art class, learn gourmet cooking, make some furniture, write a travel blog, re-build a classic car, design a new landscape—whatever stirs your creativity. It is essential to embrace the very things that spark your passion to support you in living a more meaningful, satisfying, fun, and fully self-expressed life.

I found a way to access my own creativity when I realized my life was totally out of balance. Although I was highly successful and living the dream, I felt disconnected, overwhelmed, frustrated, and exhausted.

About twenty years ago, I felt like my entire life was doing- doing-doing, work-work-work, focus-focus-focus—always having to be in charge, on task, totally responsible, no breaks, no opportunity to have some fun and express any other part of myself.

One day it occurred to me that in my twenties I loved dancing at the great clubs in Chicago, and perhaps learning to ballroom dance now could provide the opportunity to permit someone else to be in charge—my partner would do the leading and I would be able to relax and follow. When I started taking lessons, I tapped into my innate ability to create balance, go with the flow, unwind, and allow fun in my life again. I opened myself to something new and discovered the freedom to be my true self. Within six months, I was making new friends, meeting the love of my life, traveling, participating in local dance competitions—winning in every category. I was also more passionate about my connection with my clients and excited about expanding my business. Although I no longer compete, I still enjoy expressing my creativity through country and ballroom dancing.

Resonance Repatterning

This is where Resonance Repatterning® comes in. This method, developed by Chloe Faith Wordsworth, releases the resonance with any limiting beliefs you have about your creativity and any performance anxiety that no longer serve you. It also allows you to heal wounds from past harmful experiences when you were made fun of and ridiculed when you were expressing your creativity. You may want to consider going to the Repatterning Practitioners Association website and choosing a certified practitioner you feel guided to working with and give them a call. You’ll be amazed at the results.

May the wisdom inside you take you on a journey into your heart where your greatness abides. Now, that’s living a heart-centered, extraordinary life!

Lovingly Submitted,

Victoria Benoit, M.C.

 Healer, Speaker, Amazon #1 Bestselling Author, What Would Love Do Right Now?  A Guide to Living an Extraordinary Life, and Three Magical Words for a Magical Life.

What Would Love Do Right Now in Your Finances?

One of the most elusive aspects of life can be achieving financial abundance. Why do some people continually struggle, while others easily accumulate riches beyond what seems possible? Why do some people hoard their money, while others are generous to a fault? Why are some people driven to provide a large quantity of possessions, often at the expense of quality family time, while others have an expectation that everything will be provided for them without expending any effort?

In my coaching and counseling practice, some clients have shared their resentment that during childhood their parents always seemed to be working and never available to spend time with them. Other clients have reported that they are driven to provide financial stability for their families, at the expense of participating in family activities, which they regret—they just can’t figure out how to do both.

One client who was unhappy and exhausted working 16 hours a day, six days a week, making a high six-figure salary, said, “My father came home in just enough time to tuck me in and he was gone before I got up. Then on the weekends, he worked a second job.” In our session, she came to the realization, that like her father, she has to work hard all the time just to make a living—she has no choice. Using the Inquiry to Resolution process she examined her relationship to work and money, figured out what her choices were, and created the ideal job. She now lives a happy, balanced life making more money in fewer hours, doing work she loves, while spending plenty of quality time with her family.

How do you relate to money and the concepts of wealth, prosperity, and abundance? Do you have a balance that works well for you between making money and the other areas of your life?

We all grew up in a pervasive, cultural conversation about money. It’s passed down from generation to generation; through our families, our communities, schools, the books we read, and the movies we watch. We’re all familiar with some version of the following clichés:

The Classics:

• Time is money.
• Money is the root of all evil.
• Money can’t buy happiness.
• A penny saved is a penny earned.
• Money makes the world go around.

There’s Not Enough:

• We can’t afford that.
• How are you going to earn it?
• There is no such thing as a free lunch.
• I’m not made of money.
• You have champagne taste on a beer budget.

Saving, Spending, and Debt:

• Save your money for a rainy day.
• Don’t be penny wise and pound foolish.
• My money’s burning a hole in my pocket.  
• Rob Peter to pay Paul.
• Neither a borrower nor a lender be.

Show Me the Money:

• You have to work hard to make money.
• To make money, you have to spend money.                                                               
• Another day another dollar.
• Bring home the bacon.
• Buy low, sell high.

Rich vs. Poor:

• Wealthy people are greedy.
• Poverty is a virtue.
• Money is power.
• The rich get richer and the poor get poorer.                                                               
• Filthy rich and dirt poor.

Family Favorites:

• When I was your age, I didn’t even get an allowance.                                            
• Don’t bite the hand that feeds you.
• A fool and his money are soon parted.
• Money doesn’t grow on trees.                                                                     
• You can’t take it with you.

These phrases have been around for hundreds of years, they are entrenched in our culture, and part of our everyday life—we live as if this is the TRUTH about money. Is it any wonder that we continually struggle with our relationship to abundance and prosperity? Transcending how we relate to our beliefs about money, can allow each of us to easily accumulate riches beyond what seems possible today.

This is where Resonance Repatterning® comes in. This method, developed by Chloe Faith Wordsworth, releases the resonance with generational beliefs and clichés around money that no longer serve you, as well as, the unconscious conclusions and patterns that ensued. It also allows you to heal wounds from past harmful experiences in regard to abundance, prosperity, and money. You may want to consider going to the Repatterning Practitioners Association website and choosing a certified practitioner you feel guided to working with and give them a call. You’ll be amazed at the results.

May the wisdom inside you take you on a journey into your heart where your greatness abides. Now, that’s living a heart-centered, extraordinary life!

Lovingly Submitted,

Victoria Benoit, M.C.

 Healer, Speaker, Amazon #1 Bestselling Author, What Would Love Do Right Now?  A Guide to Living an Extraordinary Life.

What Would Love Do Right Now in Your Health?

Health has many facets—physical, emotional, mental, and spiritual. Merriam-Webster defines health as “the condition of being sound in body, mind, or spirit.” I define health as an expression of self-love resulting in a sense of vitality and overall well-being generated from within.

Many physical diseases today are a direct result of the unacknowledged and unexpressed emotions we harbor. In Louise L. Hay’s book, You Can Heal Your Life, she identifies the mental thought patterns and emotions that correlate to different disease states and gives practical steps for releasing them through positive affirmations and forgiveness.

Expressing Love for Yourself Through Nutrition

Our eating habits begin at home and are passed from one generation to the next. As children, we connect love with the eating customs with which we were raised—the rules around the table; the kinds of food we ate; the amount we consumed. We also form emotional and social eating habits throughout our lives, and may even subject ourselves to nutritional deprivation.

There are many philosophies about nutrition and food. Examine your current habits and begin identifying what you could do differently to make some improvements regarding your nutrition. You may want to do some research on the internet, try out different food plans, implement a cleansing regimen, or meet with a holistic nutritionist. Notice how you feel when you apply any changes. Use the ones that work for you, and leave the rest behind. You will discover what is best for you.

Through my own research, I found what’s best for me is to eat whole, live, organic foods as much as possible. I do my best to eat fresh vegetables, lean meats, and fish. I also avoid GMO foods, carbonated beverages, and artificial sweeteners. One way I express love for myself is by drinking hot water with lemon, even in the summer, to help balance my pH level.

Expressing Love for Yourself Through Exercise                                    

Exercise is also very important and can be of great benefit in leading a life of balance, happiness, and vitality. Exercising can include: walking, hiking, biking, swimming, lifting weights, or participating in classes, such as aerobics, yoga, Pilates, and dance. I invite you to take on identifying what you could do differently to express love for yourself through exercise. Again, research and experiment—you will discover what works best for you.

At this time in my life, the most rewarding physical activity that feeds my soul and my body is my morning 20-minute bike ride through the park. I love it!

Expressing Love for Yourself Through Sleep                                                        

Sleep is the time when your body regenerates itself. Research indicates that we need at least eight hours of uninterrupted sleep each day for our body to completely relax and recharge. Begin identifying what you could do differently to express love for yourself through better sleep. Perhaps create a before-bedtime routine that includes some relaxation—turn off the television, read something inspirational, journal what you are grateful for, and visualize what you’re looking forward to having in the future.

To support uninterrupted sleep, I wear an eye mask and use earplugs to block ambient light and outside noise. My before-bedtime routine includes: not drinking water 1-2 hours before bedtime; reviewing what I’ve accomplished and am grateful for; thinking about the people who have touched my life and whom I have impacted during my day; and doing a short, guided meditation. I then easily drift off to a peaceful sleep.

Expressing Love for Yourself Through Rejuvenation   

Everyone needs down time to restore, refresh, and renew their spiritual, emotional, and mental selves. People are re-energized in different ways; some by being alone, others by hanging out with friends; some by being in nature, others by dancing the night away; some by relaxing with a good book, others by playing board games; some by walking on the beach, others by volunteering at the local food bank; some by driving through the countryside, others by singing karaoke at the local bar; some by enjoying a fabulous spa day, others by tailgating at a football stadium. Begin identifying what you could do differently to express love for yourself through rejuvenation. Choose whatever suits your fancy—whenever, wherever, or however you please.

One of the things I do Monday evenings to feed my soul at every level is singing in the Higher Vibration Healing Choir at the Institute of Harmonic Science in Phoenix, AZ. This experience supports me in starting my week from a peaceful, serene, relaxed place; fills me with optimism, joy, and positive energy; and allows me to open my heart to the love that surrounds me.

Resonance Repatterning

For further support, you may want to consider Resonance Repatterning®. This method, developed by Chloe Faith Wordsworth, releases the resonance with generational eating customs and habits that no longer serve you, as well as, the unconscious conclusions and patterns that ensued. It also allows you to heal wounds from past harmful experiences in regard to exercise, sleep and taking time off. You may want to consider going to the Repatterning Practitioners Association website and choosing a certified practitioner you feel guided to working with and give them a call. You’ll be amazed at the results.

May the wisdom inside you take you on a journey into your heart where your greatness abides. Now, that’s living a heart-centered, extraordinary life!

Lovingly Submitted, Victoria Benoit, M.C.

 Healer, Speaker, Amazon #1 Bestselling Author, What Would Love Do Right Now?  A Guide to Living an Extraordinary Life.

What Would Love Do Right Now, in Your Professional Relationships?

Wherever you are right now in your career, business, or job is just that—it’s where you are. You may be judging where you are by saying to yourself, “I should be further along at this age. What went wrong?” Each time you put yourself down, you stop the flow. Or perhaps you have the perfect job and you’re thinking, “I love my job and I hope it never changes.” Consider that change is inevitable and that this point of view may also stop the flow by preventing you from seizing new opportunities.

By examining what consistently occurs in your work life that blocks your path to success—being bypassed for promotion; harassed; treated unjustly; expected to take on every task offered; less than fairly compensated; or volunteering to do more than you can handle—you can then take action toward fulfilling your professional goals.

Along the way, you may also recall some negative messages you heard from your parents and influential adults in your life, like the following:

“To provide for your family and get a pension, you have to work for thirty years at the same job, even if you don’t like it.”

“I didn’t go to college. I’m not paying for you to go. Get a job.”

“Girls can’t be doctors. / Boys can’t be nurses.”

“The only way to make real money is to run your own business.”

“You’re not talented enough to be in the movies.”

You are where you are because of the decisions you made based on limiting messages, past experiences, as well as unconscious conclusions and patterns. Identifying these decisions will help you understand why you are where you are today, and how they impact your work relationships with co- workers, bosses, employees, and clients.

This is where Resonance Repatterning® comes in. This method, developed by Chloe Faith Wordsworth, releases the resonance with limiting messages you’ve heard, the resulting poor decisions you made, as well as, the unconscious conclusions and patterns that ensued. It can also help you to heal wounds from past harmful work experiences. You may want to consider going to the Repatterning Practitioners Association website and choosing a certified practitioner you feel guided to working with and give them a call. You’ll be amazed at the results.

May the wisdom inside you take you on a journey into your heart where your greatness abides. Now, that’s living a heart-centered, extraordinary life!

Lovingly Submitted, Victoria Benoit, M.C.

 Healer, Speaker, Amazon #1 Bestselling Author, What Would Love Do Right Now?  A Guide to Living an Extraordinary Life.

What Would Love Do Right Now in Your Romantic Relationships?

A loving romantic relationship can be one of your most sacred experiences—as well as the most risky. Given the rewards, it is always worth the risk. I love the statement from Erica Jong’s book, How to Save Your Own Life — “Love is everything it’s cracked up to be. That’s why people are so cynical about it. It really is worth fighting for, being brave for, risking everything for. And the trouble is, if you don’t risk anything, you risk even more.”

My philosophy about intimate relationships is that when you make a commitment to love, everything unlike love arises to be released and healed. Your reaction to what arises originates from unresolved issues, idealized concepts of romance, and conclusions you came to through observing your parents’ relationship. Every romantic relationship you have will reflect and reinforce these issues, concepts, and conclusions until you release and heal them. You will then have an opportunity to experience the very love you desire.

Your Parents’ Relationship

Examining the relationship your parents had, can provide insight into your experience of love and romance. How did they treat one another? Were they loving? Did they argue a lot? What was happening at significant ages while you were growing up? How did their relationship influence you?

As a child, you witnessed your parents’ interactions and made decisions about romantic relationships based on those observations. We tend to have romantic relationships that are either just like our parents’ or the exact opposite. For example, if your parents argued a lot, you may have decided that love is confrontational, so your relationships are tumultuous, violent, or chaotic. Perhaps one parent was weak and the other was domineering, so you decided the key to a winning relationship is to be equal in every way. Maybe your parents were overly affectionate, and you decided that a romantic partner must be lovey-dovey or they don’t love you.

Remember, in your healing process, you are not pointing a finger at your parents or blaming them for the way your relationships turned out. You are identifying how YOU responded to what happened between them and the conclusions YOU came to about romantic relationships. The good news is, since you drew the conclusions—YOU can change them.

Your Romantic Relationships

Remember, you ARE love. Being LOVE is allowing yourself to be who you are and who you are not; and accepting your partner for who they are and who they are not. It isn’t always easy. However, it is essential if you want to experience an intimate relationship beyond what you think is possible. BEING love is the greatest gift you can bring to your relationship.

The concepts of being present and getting gotten are particularly powerful in creating affinity and intimacy in romantic relationships. It’s what was so extraordinary in my relationship with my late Beloved Bernie.

In the beginning of our relationship, Bernie understandably wanted to know about my past relationships. I told him, “I’ll share my past experiences with you, if you will celebrate who I’ve become as a result of healing my past and changing my old behaviors.” He lovingly said, “Yes, I can do that.” This started a wonderful foundation of love and respect. I also let him know; he had the best me yet!

This was the first relationship I’d ever been in where the love got deeper and stronger and better over time, rather than worse. What was different? I was different! I was less serious, more playful, more patient, kind, understanding, and loving. I also took responsibility for my part in a situation sooner than I had done before. It was very humbling at times, but always rewarding.

Developing a foundation of intimacy requires a willingness to tell your partner what’s really going on with you; to care about what’s going on with them; to share deep aspects of yourself—especially those things you don’t want anyone else to know or ever find out—and to listen to them share things that you’re not sure you want to hear.

Everything is relational. You’re in relationship with everything and everyone. Your intimate romantic relationship can be either a source of fun and pleasure or pain and suffering. To have extraordinary intimate relationships, it is essential that you heal wounds you’re holding onto from past relationships.

This is where Resonance Repatterning® comes in. This method, developed by Chloe Faith Wordsworth, releases the resonance with unresolved issues, idealized concepts of romance, and conclusions you came to through observing your parents’ relationship. It also allows you to heal wounds you’re holding onto from past relationships. You may want to consider going to the Repatterning Practitioners Association website and choosing a certified practitioner you feel guided to working with and give them a call. You’ll be amazed at the results.

May the wisdom inside you take you on a journey into your heart where your greatness abides. Now, that’s living a heart-centered, extraordinary life!

Lovingly Submitted, Victoria Benoit, M.C.                                                                    

Healer, Speaker, Amazon #1 Bestselling Author, What Would Love Do Right Now?  A Guide to Living an Extraordinary Life.

What Would Love Do Right Now in Your Formative Relationships?

As a newborn baby, you smell so good and feel so soft. You are kissable and huggable. You express yourself fully, holding nothing back. Even when you fill your diaper, others see it as an accomplishment.

Newborn babies are so miraculous. They are fresh, untouched, and unscathed by life, love, boys, girls, parents, school, other kids, or siblings. They are pure and precious. Each of us enters the world in this state.

So, what happened? When does this begin to change for us? What happened is life in its fullest measure with all its giving and taking, its longings, disappointments, pleasures, pains, hurt, trauma, abuse, and even death. Over time, we become hardened, dry, unexpressive, angry, bitter, and mean; sometimes we even get abusive. You may not know any other way to be; you may take things out on others around you, especially those you love the most, and the cycle continues. You may be asking, “Is this all there is? There has to be more to life than this.” I am here to tell you…there is!

Your Relationship with Your Parents

Loving and being loved fully starts by healing your relationship with your parents. It’s never too late, even if they are deceased or no longer in your life. Most of your current reality stems from unresolved past experiences while growing up with your parent(s) or primary caregiver(s).

As a young child, the world was all about you and you believed everything bad that happened was YOUR FAULT. For example: if your mother was crying, it was your fault; if your father was angry, it was your fault; if your parents divorced, it was your fault. As a result, you may have thought, “If I were more helpful, my mother wouldn’t be sad,” “If I were quieter, my father wouldn’t yell,” or “If I behaved better, they wouldn’t get divorced.”

As a teenager, you may have shifted the blame to your parents believing every bad thing that happened to you was THEIR FAULT. For example: if your boyfriend broke up with you, it was somehow your mother’s fault; if you didn’t make the team, it was somehow your father’s fault; if you failed your driver’s test, it was somehow your parents’ fault. As a result, you may have thought, “There’s something wrong with me,” “I’m unlovable,” or “I can’t count on anyone.”

As an adult, you may have come to understand that your parents did the best they could, and yet they were less than ideal parents. Like you, your parents were once children. They also experienced many unmet needs, disappointments, hurts, betrayals, and feelings that were never resolved. Like you, out of these unresolved experiences, they drew negative conclusions and developed beliefs about themselves, others, relationships, finances, and life in general, such as: “I’m unworthy and don’t deserve anything good,” “Men hurt me/Women smother me,” or “Life is unsafe and scary.”

It’s important to note that your parents behaved as if these conclusions, beliefs, and judgments were true—they could not be or act any other way— and neither can you.

However, if your inner child is still harboring feelings of hurt and betrayal, or any experiences of neglect, abandonment, or abuse, resolving them— putting them in the past where they belong—can free you to be the person you know you can be.

It’s important to identify and change your resonance with the earlier experiences, the unresolved feelings, and conclusions you came to about yourself, others, and life that are currently keeping you from attaining the extraordinary life you are here to live.

It is never too late to have a great relationship with your parents.

Your Relationship with Others

While you were growing up, in addition to your relationship with your parent(s), your relationships with other people also continue to have an impact on how you relate to others in your day-to-day life.

Consider, as a child, there were moments in your relationships with your playmates or siblings when you may have felt jealous, superior, protective, rejected, shamed, etc. Also, you may have felt forced to interact and be on your best behavior with other family members—grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins. During your school years, how your teachers and coaches related to you may have had a significant effect on your beliefs about your own intelligence, capacity to learn, and ability to compete. All of these relationships continue to affect how you relate to yourself and others, your self-confidence, as well as your view of life today.

This is where Resonance Repatterning® comes in. This method, developed by Chloe Faith Wordsworth, releases the resonance with unresolved harmful experiences, the unmet life needs, along with the resulting feelings and beliefs. You may want to consider going to the Repatterning Practitioners Association website and choosing a certified practitioner you feel guided to working with and give them a call. You’ll be amazed at the results.

May the wisdom inside you take you on a journey into your heart where your greatness abides. Now, that’s living a heart-centered, extraordinary life!

Lovingly Submitted,

Victoria Benoit, M.C.                                                                                                          

Healer, Speaker, Amazon #1 Bestselling Author, What Would Love Do Right Now?  A Guide to Living an Extraordinary Life.

What Would Love Do Right Now in Opening Your Heart?

Opening your heart fully may require courage to release resentment, animosity, or guilt associated with the past. It’s really about accepting your humanity and the humanity of others.

Forgiveness

Freeing yourself from resentment and animosity toward others may be accomplished through forgiveness. There are many interpretations of what it is to forgive another.

My aha moment came when I read Doreen Virtue’s Forgiveness card. I realized that forgiving someone doesn’t mean what they did is okay, it simply means I’m no longer willing to hold onto any negative feelings in response to what happened—I don’t have to forgive the action, just the person, to be at peace.

In the PragerU.com video on forgiveness, Stephen Marmar explains that forgiveness is a very complex concept. He reviews three types of forgiveness: exoneration, forbearance, and release.

Exoneration is when a person is truly sorry for hurting you and takes full responsibility (without excuses) for what they did, as well as assures you that they will not do it again—it wipes the slate entirely clean and restores the relationship.

Forbearance is when an offender makes an inauthentic apology, or blames you somehow for causing them to behave badly. It leaves you with a degree of watchfulness yet cautiously optimistic, like forgive but not forget or trust but verify, and allows you to preserve relationships with people who, while far from perfect, are still important to you.

Release is critically important for your well-being: it allows you to let go of what’s weighing you down and eating away at your chance for happiness. It does not require that you continue the relationship, but like Doreen Virtue’s concept, it asks that you let go of your bad feelings and preoccupation with the negative things that have happened to you.

Stephen Marmar concludes with, “To forgive may be divine, but when we understand its dimensions, we find that it is within our ability to do it.”

If you need an apology to forgive someone you’re unable to locate, or who is deceased, write a letter from them to you and mail it to yourself. When you read it a few days later, imagine it’s coming from the other person, allow yourself to receive the apology, and forgive them.

Forgiveness Specific to Child Abuse

Child abuse is one of the most difficult experiences to resolve, release, and heal. Some people assume the guilt and try, for many years, to forgive their abuser(s) without success, while others are determined not to forgive and are left living with the ongoing shame, pain, and hate without relief.

According to Bert Hellinger’s philosophy of forgiveness—relative to children who have been psychologically, physically, or sexually abused—if a child forgives the abuser, in addition to the abuse the child suffered, the child will assume the guilt and responsibility for the abuser’s behavior. Therefore, he insists that the child must not forgive the abuser. Based on Hellinger’s philosophy, Magui Block’s book, Healing the Family, presents a process through which abused children can heal themselves from the pain they’ve endured by giving the guilt and responsibility for the abusive behavior back to the abuser.

This is where Resonance Repatterning® comes in. This method, developed by Chloe Faith Wordsworth, releases the resonance with any unhealed parts of yourself that would keep you from forgiving yourself and/or others. You may want to consider going to the Repatterning Practitioners Association website and choosing a certified practitioner you feel guided to working with and give them a call. You’ll be amazed at the results.

May the wisdom inside you take you on a journey into your heart where your greatness abides. Now, that’s living a heart-centered, extraordinary life!

Lovingly Submitted,

Victoria Benoit

Healer, Speaker, Amazon #1 Bestselling Author, What Would Love Do Right Now?  A Guide to Living an Extraordinary Life