It’s amazing that intimate relationships happen at all.
Intimate relationships take courage and resilience. They are the riskiest of all relationships in our lives. They demand priority and they involve your whole heart.
Intimate partners include: your first love, boyfriends, girlfriends, live-in partners, husbands, wives, significant others, and anyone else you consider an intimate partner.
We all grew up witnessing many aspects of our parents’ relationship, some of which were less than optimal. Your parents may have shown each other love, affection, kindness, generosity, and forgiveness, or you may have witnessed physical, emotional, mental, spiritual, and even financial abuse.
As children, we develop conclusions about what constitutes intimate relationships and how they work. Often, we mirror the characteristics of our parents’ relationship or we choose the exact opposite type of behavior when interacting with a partner.
In the day to day of intimate relationships, things happen that leave us feeling hurt, bitter, resentful, angry, betrayed, or even vengeful. When we keep these feelings inside and don’t heal the wounds, the relationship is doomed to fail.
According to Bert Hellinger, one of the most painful experiences in a relationship is when you realize that the other person is giving back less than you are giving, and you are more invested in the relationship than they are.
When relationships end—especially when betrayal is involved—we shut our hearts and there’s no room to cultivate a healthy loving relationship. Any new person has no chance with us because we are projecting the previous relationship onto them. It’s of paramount importance that we heal the broken relationships from our past in order to move forward.
When you consider there are many reasons such as, substance abuse, being inconsiderate and disrespectful, low self-esteem, lack of impulse control, trust issues, jealousy, etc.—which are not necessarily intentional—you can grant your intimate partners forgiveness with more compassion for their hurtful reactions and behaviors.
This is how I healed my relationship with an intimate partner.
• When I met Larry at work and our eyes met, it was love at first sight. We were both Juniors and attended the same high school. I remember it being a whirlwind romance leading up to him asking me to our Junior/Senior Prom. I was beyond delighted, all dressed up in a flowing formal gown with a delicate corsage of pink roses that matched my dress, being escorted by a handsome, athletic young man in a black tuxedo.
• Over the summer, we remained devoted and committed. We went everywhere together, swimming in a nearby lake, riding bikes along the river, and hiking secluded woodland trails. Our relationship was the envy of all my girlfriends. Everything we did seemed beyond affectionate and very romantic, so much so, that he became my first lover.
• Before we knew it, summer was over and we were back at school, the leaves were falling, and winter was blowing in from the north. Larry was such a demonstrative guy. He carried my books, helped me put on my fur-lined coat. He treated me like a queen for all to see.
• That year the holidays flew by. Thanksgiving with my family was amazing, followed by the most awesome Christmas of my life. Before we knew it, Spring was here and our lunch hours were being spent at a friend’s house across the street from the school so we could be together—alone.
• One day another girl showed up at the house. When she saw Larry and I coming out of a bedroom, she exploded, “What are you doing with her? I thought you loved me.” I was shocked and humiliated. I had no idea Larry was seeing anyone else while we were dating.
• The cat was out of the bag. He was playing both of us! I felt so hurt and betrayed! At the time, I was so head over heels in love with him that—rather than breaking up with him—I demanded that he choose, “It’s me or her.” I assumed he would choose me—I was wrong, he chose her. Ouch!
• Over the next few days, it was difficult to see him at work. I had a hard time controlling my emotions. I cried and cried. Even though he tried to comfort me, I wanted no part of his sympathy. I nevertheless did relent to meet with him because I wanted to talk about his lying, betrayal, and infidelity.
• By this time, it was weeks away from graduation. He was planning to go to college nearby, and I was planning to pursue a career in radiology as an X-ray technician at a local hospital. I was clear that I did not want to get back together with someone who wasn’t honest and would cheat on me, but I wanted to know why. Why did he feel the need to thoughtlessly break my heart? And yet, on some level, I didn’t want to know.
• We met Saturday after work at the park. My heart was in my throat. I could barely say, “I’m not responsible for what happened—you are. What were you thinking?”
• He began by saying, “I’m sorry for lying and cheating on you. I was a total jerk. You didn’t deserve that. Can we still be friends? How can I make it up to you?”
• I said, “Friends? I don’t think so. You chose her! There’s NOTHING you can do to make it up to me, but I do accept your apology.”
• Be that as it may, accepting his apology was enough to heal the indelicate way my first romance ended. It allowed me to embrace the wonderful love-at-first-sight memories I experienced, so that I could love again with an open heart.
Does the Magical Healing Process really make a difference? Yes, and to live a magical life, there’s no hope in avoidance. Going into the unknown parts of yourself from your past may not be easy, however, it is necessary.
There are only two predominant things going on in your life. You either have something you don’t want (shame, blame, guilt, anger, envy, frustration, resentment, or regret). Or, you want something you don’t have.
Is transformational support available? For those who want to have an extraordinary, remarkable, exceptional, outstanding, incredible, phenomenal, unbelievable, amazing, astonishing, astounding, marvelous, fantastic, magnificent, wonderful, sensational, miraculous, fabulous, stupendous, out of this world, terrific, awesome, and wondrous life, feel free to choose a certified practitioner on the Repatterning Practitioners Association website who can support you in identifying and releasing negative beliefs, thoughts, feelings, behaviors, habits, and detrimental patterns that prevent you from living a magical life.
Victoria Benoit, M.C.
Mind/Body Repatterning Practitioner
Amazon #1 Bestselling Author of What Would Love Do Right Now? A Guide to Living an Extraordinary Life, and Three Magical Words for a Magical Life.
“You’ll never know how strong your heart is until you learn to forgive who broke it.” ~ Author Unknown