Observing and healing a child’s suppressed behavior begins with creating a safe space.
Paying close attention to a child’s odd behavior can reveal suppressed emotional wounds that are a silent cry for help. It’s best to proceed with care and a genuine desire to release and heal what they are hiding.
Creating a safe space for a child begins by initiating eye contact, giving them focused attention, and offering reassuring touch as needed. Including all three while engaging with a child will forge a greater bond of love. It is imperative to let the child know there is nothing wrong and nothing bad will happen to them. Assure them that they are safe to say whatever is on their mind or in their heart.
Encouraging a child to express what they want in the safe space supports you in getting to know them at a deeper level. In turn, they experience how much you really care about their wishes. They also realize that you are truly interested in them and appreciate the attention they’re receiving.
This is how a relationship between a child and her father was healed.
• When I was in 1st grade, in Chicago, my school had an after-school program called, “Learn to Play the Piano.” I really wanted to take lessons, so I asked my dad who said, “Before you can take lessons, you have to get straight ‘A’s on your report card.” The years passed and finally in 7th grade I did it. My dad honored his word and let me take piano lessons. I was thrilled beyond belief!
• The classes and practice times were available at the school, so we didn’t need to buy a piano. Dad just had to pay a fee. At the school music recital, my father recorded my performance and was shocked at how good I was. I still have that tape recording.
• At the end of the year, my teacher told me and my parents that I had real talent and was a quick study. She also told us, that she thought music and piano were something I should pursue.
• The next year we moved to another school where this program was not available. I was very disappointed until I noticed that our new next-door neighbor had a grand piano and someone told me she gave lessons. One day after school, I knocked on her door and asked, “If I take lessons from you, can I practice on your piano?” She said, “Yes.” I was so excited! I went home and told my dad. He became infuriated and yelled, “How dare you let the neighbors know that we can’t afford a piano.” He then made me lie to our neighbor by telling her that I couldn’t take lessons because my schoolwork was more important, thus ending my piano career. The shame I experienced after that upsetting incident was unbearable.
• Around this time, my 20-year-old sister, living in California, bought a piano and started taking lessons. Four years later the company she worked for transferred her to France. Before she left the country, she planned a short leave to come home for a month.
• One night at dinner, about a week before my sister was due to arrive, my father announced, “I think we should buy a piano so Anna has a way to practice while she’s here.” He looked over at me and asked, “You play the piano too, don’t you?” I was dumbfounded. I could only manage to nod my head as feelings of animosity, resentfulness, and outrage overwhelmed me. How could he not remember my impressive recital, the recording he made, and my teacher’s acknowledgment? I just sat there and said nothing.
• The very next day my parents and I went shopping for a piano. We ended up buying the most beautiful, shiny black, upright Baldwin—known by the slogan, America’s Favorite Piano. I could not have been more delighted. While my sister may only be home for a month, that piano was going to remain in my living room—which meant I could play it anytime I wanted—and refuse to play it anytime my father was home.
• After a couple of months, my mother noticed that whenever my father was in the house, I wouldn’t play the piano at all, and if I was in the middle of practicing, I would simply stop. What no one knew was that it was the only way I could punish my father for doing what he’d done to me—humiliating me and making me lie.
• While my father was away on a weekend hunting trip, my mother—the astute woman that she was—decided to broach the subject of my odd behavior. She sensed that I might be more open to explaining myself when he wasn’t there. In her loving and understanding way, I eventually poured out everything I had held inside since I was five—the years I struggled to get straight ‘A’s. The shame I felt for lying to our neighbor. I yelled. I screamed. I pounded the table. I paced the floor. For over 20 minutes, I was sobbing so hard I could barely breathe. I even started to tear up my sheet music, but my mother stopped me.
• When I had finally released all of my righteous indignation and I could talk normally again, she calmly said, “Your father has many peculiar rules. I’ll have a talk with him.” I asked her, “Do you think it’s because he doesn’t love me as much as he loves Anna? I don’t remember what she said, because whatever she said, it wasn’t my father saying it.
• A few days later, the three of us talked about what happened and how I felt. I asked my dad why he did and said those things. He apologized and explained that he had made up the rules to avoid admitting he should have bought me a piano years ago.
• I knew he deeply regretted his actions. As we hugged each other, he told me that he loved me dearly and I forgave him. I am forever grateful for that genuine act of forgiveness as it provided me with an open heart to accept opportunities over the course of my life that have been so much more rewarding than had I pursued a career in music. In spite of my dad’s rules, I have made a real difference in the world.
Does the Magical Healing Process really make a difference? Yes, and to live a magical life, there’s no hope in avoidance. Going into the unknown parts of yourself from your past may not be easy, however, it is necessary.
There are only two predominant things going on in your life. You either have something you don’t want (shame, blame, guilt, anger, envy, frustration, resentment, or regret). Or, you want something you don’t have.
Is transformational support available? For those who want to have an extraordinary, remarkable, exceptional, outstanding, incredible, phenomenal, unbelievable, amazing, astonishing, astounding, marvelous, fantastic, magnificent, wonderful, sensational, miraculous, fabulous, stupendous, out of this world, terrific, awesome, and wondrous life, feel free to choose a certified practitioner on the Repatterning Practitioners Association website who can support you in identifying and releasing negative beliefs, thoughts, feelings, behaviors, habits, and detrimental patterns that prevent you from living a magical life.
Victoria Benoit, M.C.
Mind/Body Repatterning Practitioner
Amazon #1 Bestselling Author of What Would Love Do Right Now? A Guide to Living an Extraordinary Life, and Three Magical Words for a Magical Life.
“Children are not a distraction from more important work. They are the most important work.” ~ C.S. Lewis