Healing your heart energetically, through visualization, is possible.
When you were growing up, your siblings may have been your closest friends, or so much older that they couldn’t identify with you or your life. As you all grow older and your lives diverge—differences of opinion, lifestyle, religious belief, socio-economic status—often cause rifts in your relationships, more so than distance and age. In any case—because they’re your siblings—you can be deeply hurt by their words or actions in much the same way as you can deeply hurt them with yours.
Immediate family members include: children, siblings, step-relationships, adoptive relationships, foster relationships, grandchildren, and godchildren.
When you consider there are many reasons such as, being judgmental, inconsiderate, disrespectful, stubborn, contemptuous, jealous, aggressive, pessimistic, etc.—which are not necessarily intentional— you can grant your immediate family members forgiveness with more compassion for their hurtful reactions and behaviors.
This is how I healed my relationship with my siblings.
• I’m the oldest of four children. My mother and I live in Phoenix, Arizona, about 35 miles from one another. My three younger siblings are spread out from Wisconsin to Wyoming.
• As my mother aged, she developed some medical and cognitive issues that required more and more personal care. The expectation was assumed—among my siblings—that it was my responsibility to make sure that all her needs were met because I was the one living closest to her.
• I was working full-time in my own business—in addition to traveling across town 90 minutes round trip three times per week—to help mom maintain her rapidly declining independence. I was paying her bills, taking her to doctor’s appointments, doing laundry and light housekeeping chores—for her and her two cats—plus tackling a variety of small home improvement projects and so much more.
• From childhood, my mother and I always seemed to be at odds with one another, and as her dementia progressed, it strained our relationship even more. No matter what I said or did for her, I received little to no appreciation or praise from her, AND—for that matter—no financial support or encouragement from my siblings. The overwhelming feeling that nobody cared hung over me for years.
• To add insult to injury, my husband was diagnosed with an aggressive form of cancer, and managing his care, in addition to that of my mother, took a toll on my business. I became so desperate for help I demanded that my brother take on the responsibility of being my mother’s Healthcare Power of Attorney thinking that it would inspire him to get involved. It made no difference. I was still expected to be an advocate for her and her primary family contact.
• My bitterness and resentment intensified after each passing week as I was putting everyone’s life before my needs, and it was starting to affect my well-being. I was losing weight rapidly. I was having difficulty sleeping and accomplishing routine tasks.
• After my husband passed away—and with him, his income—I was struggling financially. I urgently needed a reasonable sum of money to pay a few bills. With great trepidation, I set up a conference call with my siblings and asked to be compensated—from mom’s bank account—for all the time and effort I had been providing to our mother’s care out of the goodness of my heart. I implored them to consider that it was worthy of compensation since it took productive time away from my business and prevented me from participating in my personal activities and interests with friends.
• Without hesitating, my brother and youngest sister both said, “Yes.” Then, my other sister unequivocally said, “No, that’s Mom’s money. You can borrow it for this month, but you will have to pay her back.” Her words devastated me, so much so, that I could barely speak. But what happened next hurt me so deeply it infuriated me. Neither my brother nor sister—who had first generously agreed—stood up for me. They simply acquiesced to her emphatic refusal.
• In my stunned silence, I faintly heard them say that they appreciated all the things I did for mom. These words sounded hollow. They had the perfect opportunity to honor my sacrifice and demonstrate their gratitude but chose instead to be less than charitable. It wasn’t even their money. My mom had more than enough to cover her needs.
• Needless to say, I didn’t speak to any of them for quite some time. Furthermore, they felt no need to call and see how I was doing—which was even more hurtful.
• Everything changed when the inevitable day came that mom had a delusional episode and was no longer safe to stay in her home alone. In an emergency intervention, along with my mom’s doctor and authorization from my brother in Wisconsin, we determined that it was necessary to immediately transport my mom to a conveniently-located assisted living facility near my home and enrolled her in hospice care.
• Mom was utterly confused, irate, indignant, demanding, behaving aggressively toward me and the staff, and could not or would not be comforted. I was heartbroken to have to be the one to leave her—in her disoriented condition—in an unfamiliar facility.
• Once mom was settled, it was time to find her cats a new home, donate her clothing and household items, box up sentimental heirlooms, and liquidate her car, furniture, appliances, and mobile home.
• Thankfully, my brother, as well as my oldest sister and her husband, flew in to help me accomplish the monumental endeavor in just five days. After they left, my youngest sister flew in to help organize all the boxes that were hauled and stacked haphazardly in my garage. It was heartwarming to see my siblings come together to honor the things of value that were revered by our mother.
• It felt so good to be surrounded by family, even though my siblings only stayed for a short time. I had forgotten how much they meant to me and how I am still—and always will be—connected to them. I also realized I was still harboring animosity toward their lack of support, inconsideration, and unrealistic expectations.
• Since all of my siblings were unable to be here with me, I chose to energetically release, through visualization, and heal the harm they caused me.
• Knowing that one’s mind doesn’t know the difference between what’s real and what’s imaginary made it possible for me to visualize my sisters and brother—as if they are physically standing in front of me—saying, “We’re sorry for not putting ourselves in your shoes and granting you the compensation you deserved. We’re ready to do that now. Please, let us know what works for you.” Then I visualized my sister who had denied me compensation, ask, “How can we make it up to you?”
• The thought that they could make it up to me and remove completely all the harm and all the hurt feelings, made me so, so happy. I could feel them honoring my contribution to our mother, acknowledging me for my sacrifices, and in unison all agreeing that it WAS truly worthy of significant compensation.
• As I visualized myself accepting their authentic amends, I knew the way to integrate the much-deserved acknowledgment into my life was to do something extra special FOR MYSELF with my friends. This healed my heart and made it possible for me to maintain a healthy long-distance relationship with all of my siblings.
Does the Magical Healing Process really make a difference? Yes, and to live a magical life, there’s no hope in avoidance. Going into the unknown parts of yourself from your past may not be easy, however, it is necessary.
There are only two predominant things going on in your life. You either have something you don’t want (shame, blame, guilt, anger, envy, frustration, resentment, or regret). Or, you want something you don’t have.
Is transformational support available? For those who want to have an extraordinary, remarkable, exceptional, outstanding, incredible, phenomenal, unbelievable, amazing, astonishing, astounding, marvelous, fantastic, magnificent, wonderful, sensational, miraculous, fabulous, stupendous, out of this world, terrific, awesome, and wondrous life, feel free to choose a certified practitioner on the Repatterning Practitioners Association website who can support you in identifying and releasing negative beliefs, thoughts, feelings, behaviors, habits, and detrimental patterns that prevent you from living a magical life.
Victoria Benoit, M.C.
Mind/Body Repatterning Practitioner
Amazon #1 Bestselling Author of What Would Love Do Right Now? A Guide to Living an Extraordinary Life, and Three Magical Words for a Magical Life.
“Brothers and sisters are special. They fight. They make up. They laugh. They cry. They’re far from perfect. But when you really need them, they have your back.” ~ Helen M. Barry