Stop living with deep regret.
Healing hurt feelings with extended family members can have a ripple effect on all members of your family, even those who may never participate in this process. You can expect to feel deeper connections, experience more love, and express sincere gratitude for your extended family members.
Extended family members include: grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins, in-laws, step families, blended families, best friends, etc.—everyone you consider to be part of your extended family.
When you consider there are many reasons such as, frustration, regret, insecurity, resentment, envy, blame, etc.—which are not necessarily intentional—you can grant your extended family members forgiveness with more compassion for their hurtful reactions and behaviors.
This is how I healed my relationship with my uncle.
• Of all my relatives, I am closest to my father’s youngest brother, Uncle Jim, and his second wife, Aunt Lynn. They were close to my age, and whenever they traveled from San Jose to Milwaukee to visit my dad, I would always drive up from Chicago to spend time with them. We had a lot in common and enjoyed each other’s company. We kept in touch by phone every few months, and after I moved to Phoenix, we got to see each other about every two years over the course of ten years.
• When I had the opportunity to visit with Uncle Jim and Aunt Lynn, it was an added bonus to get to see my cousins, Drew and Brett, on the rare occasions that they also happened to be in town.
• During one phone conversation about two and a half years ago, my aunt and uncle announced that my cousin, Brett, was getting married in Las Vegas. They told me I would be getting an invitation and they hoped I could come. I told them I’d do my best to be there.
• When the invitation arrived three months later, I realized, due to some unexpected expenses after my husband’s death, that I couldn’t justify spending the money for the trip. I was so embarrassed about my financial situation, I couldn’t get my fingers to the phone to tell them, so I returned the R.S.V.P. card just before the deadline, and checked off that I wasn’t coming. Brett and I weren’t even very close, so I didn’t see how my attendance would make much difference. I did however, send a wedding card with a respectable gift of money included.
• Mid November, a couple of weeks before the wedding, my aunt made it a point to call me to let me know she and my uncle were very disappointed that I couldn’t make it. They had so been looking forward to seeing me and expected me to be there.
• Guilt set in. I was not feeling very good about myself. I thought, “I should’ve made arrangements to go and just charged everything.” I went on and on in my mind, justifying my reasons for not going to try to make myself feel better. I kept replaying—over and over and over again—my Aunt Lynn saying how disappointed they were with my decision.
• As time passed, I justified my behavior and came to believe that I had done the very best I could do and forgave myself.
• About six months after Brett’s wedding, I was in California attending a dance camp with my boyfriend, and had an opportunity to visit my aunt and uncle. I was really looking forward to seeing them again—I had forgotten all about the wedding situation.
• I was shocked when the first thing out of my uncle’s mouth was, “Brett was so hurt that you didn’t come to his wedding last December. He hasn’t quite gotten over it!”
• I responded, “I didn’t think my presence really meant that much to him. We’re not that close. I didn’t have the money and was too embarrassed to say so.”
• My uncle told me, “Well, he was really upset that you didn’t make more of an effort to come—and so were we.”
• I said, “I’m sorry, Uncle Jim, I’ll call Brett and apologize,” to which he didn’t say a thing and abruptly stormed out the room. However, about ten minutes later, he came back and started berating me again for failing to beg, borrow, or steal the money necessary to attend the wedding. After all, how much could it cost? The tension between us was palpable.
• While he was scolding me, I was sure he was thinking, “You have money to take a trip to California for a week, but you couldn’t come to our son’s wedding?” With that assumption in mind, my shame compelled me to tell him, “In my defense, I’m only able to visit you today because my boyfriend is paying for most of this trip.” It didn’t seem to faze him one little bit.
• By this time, I was really feeling guilty and worthless—and frankly, I just wanted to leave. I knew in my heart though that leaving wasn’t the answer. I took a deep breath, calmed down, looked right into my uncle’s eyes, and with tears in mine said, “I am so sorry that I disappointed and hurt you, Aunt Lynn, and Brett. I regret the choice I made. I will never do it again. Next time I receive a wedding invitation, I’ll honor the love expressed by the request, and make every effort to attend. Can you find it in your heart to forgive me?” He hugged me and with great tenderness said, “I forgive you. Remember to apologize to your aunt and Brett.” With that said, and apologies to Aunt Lynn and Brett made, the healing was complete.
• Uncle Jim and I still enjoy talking on the phone every few months. We discuss everything from my passion to write and my upcoming book, the progress and frustration of their home renovations, and current health concerns. I’m so thankful for the opportunity to connect to a little piece of my late father, when I talk to my uncle.
Does the Magical Healing Process really make a difference? Yes, and to live a magical life, there’s no hope in avoidance. Going into the unknown parts of yourself from your past may not be easy, however, it is necessary.
There are only two predominant things going on in your life. You either have something you don’t want (shame, blame, guilt, anger, envy, frustration, resentment, or regret). Or, you want something you don’t have.
Is transformational support available? For those who want to have an extraordinary, remarkable, exceptional, outstanding, incredible, phenomenal, unbelievable, amazing, astonishing, astounding, marvelous, fantastic, magnificent, wonderful, sensational, miraculous, fabulous, stupendous, out of this world, terrific, awesome, and wondrous life, feel free to choose a certified practitioner on the Repatterning Practitioners Association website who can support you in identifying and releasing negative beliefs, thoughts, feelings, behaviors, habits, and detrimental patterns that prevent you from living a magical life.
Lovingly Submitted,
Victoria Benoit, M.C.
Mind/Body Repatterning Practitioner
Amazon #1 Bestselling Author of What Would Love Do Right Now? A Guide to Living an Extraordinary Life, and Three Magical Words for a Magical Life.
“The way you help heal the world is you start with your own family.” ~ Mother Teresa
Share this:
Repatterning Journal 