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Applying the Magical Healing Process to people who have harmed you. This recipe has four ingredients: 1) recalling and recording incidents from your past; 2) releasing your associated feelings; 3) energetically giving the responsibility back to the other person; and 4) receiving the other person’s sincere apology.
Recalling. Within a relationship category—your parents, your intimate partners, your children and siblings, your extended family, your friends, teachers, coaches, clergy, and your work associates—recall a harmful incident with as much detail as possible.
Recording. Using your Healing Notebook, record what happened along with the person’s name and their relationship to you. Remember to include the age you were and your feelings at the time.
• For example: You might start by saying, “I’m ready now to face and heal my past hurts,” then, accept whatever arises.
Your mind doesn’t know the difference between what’s real and what’s imaginary. Don’t spend time wondering whether something really happened—just work with it.
Releasing. As you recall each experience, allow your emotions to surface. The feelings being released may include anger, betrayal, sadness, grief, humiliation, confusion, shame, etc. Whatever the emotion is, REALLY feel it and let it out.
• For example: when you feel angry—really feel it and express it—go for a run, beat on some pillows, sit in your car and scream, or whatever works for you. The only rule is to not harm yourself or others. When the anger dissipates, it’s likely that another underlying feeling will arise. Express this feeling just as vigorously. Keep expressing each underlying feeling as it arises until you experience a sense of freedom and calmness. Releasing your feelings begins the process of healing.
Freeing. You can energetically free yourself from the harm. Simply give back to the person who harmed you, the responsibility you’ve been assuming for their behavior. Close your eyes and visualize the other person standing in front of you. Say the following statement aloud:
• “I’m giving you back the responsibility I’ve been assuming for the harm you caused me. By giving you back your responsibility, I’m also giving you back your dignity. I know you have the strength to carry it. Please, give me your blessings as I direct my energy and attention—which are now free—to create my magical life.”
Visualize the other person gladly receiving your communication and imagine them saying to you—with honor and respect:
• “It’s no longer necessary for you to assume my responsibility for the harm I caused you and I accept the guilt for my behavior. I give you my blessings as you move forward in your life.”
NOTE: I recommend copying these statements into your Healing Notebook so they’re easily accessible when you’re healing each experience.
Receiving an authentic apology. To complete the process, recall the incident you want to heal and the other person providing:
First: A genuine, authentic and complete apology.
• For example: I am sorry for all the harm I caused you, when I said/did _____.”
Then: Action(s) that ensure it won’t occur again.
• For example: “I’ll speak respectfully so I don’t cause you anymore harm.”
Next: A way to restore the relationship.
• For example: “How can I make it up to you?”
Finally: Picture what you need—and VISUALIZE them doing it. You may want to write down the imaginary responses and refer to them as a way to discover patterns.
Restoring the relationship. Stephen Marmar, in a Prager University video, states that, “Exoneration can occur when a person is truly sorry for hurting you and takes full responsibility (without excuses) for what they did, as well as assures you that they will not do it again—it wipes the slate entirely clean and restores the relationship.”
It may be enough that they authentically apologized—or it may be there is nothing they could do to make up for the harm—or you may know specific actions that they could take to restore your relationship.
• For example: doing 30 days of community service, donating to your favorite charity, taking you out to dinner, treating you to your favorite sporting event, or whatever it is you need.
Be reasonable. The action you request should be something that’s within reason. For being constantly late, it might be dinner out, going to a movie, or a massage—not a week-long vacation in the Bahamas at an all-inclusive resort.
Does the Magical Healing Process really make a difference? Yes, and to live a magical life, there’s no hope in avoidance. Going into the unknown parts of yourself from your past may not be easy, however, it is necessary.
There are only two predominant things going on in your life. You either have something you don’t want (shame, blame, guilt, anger, envy, frustration, resentment, or regret). Or, you want something you don’t have.
Is transformational support available? For those who want to have an extraordinary, remarkable, exceptional, outstanding, incredible, phenomenal, unbelievable, amazing, astonishing, astounding, marvelous, fantastic, magnificent, wonderful, sensational, miraculous, fabulous, stupendous, out of this world, terrific, awesome, and wondrous life, feel free to choose a certified practitioner on the Repatterning Practitioners Association website who can support you in identifying and releasing negative beliefs, thoughts, feelings, behaviors, habits, and detrimental patterns that prevent you from living a magical life.
Victoria Benoit, M.C.
Mind/Body Repatterning Practitioner
Amazon #1 Bestselling Author of What Would Love Do Right Now? A Guide to Living an Extraordinary Life, and Three Magical Words for a Magical Life.
“Healing doesn’t mean the pain never existed. It means the damage no longer controls our lives.” ~ Author Unknown