What Would Love Do Right Now in Your Formative Relationships?

As a newborn baby, you smell so good and feel so soft. You are kissable and huggable. You express yourself fully, holding nothing back. Even when you fill your diaper, others see it as an accomplishment.

Newborn babies are so miraculous. They are fresh, untouched, and unscathed by life, love, boys, girls, parents, school, other kids, or siblings. They are pure and precious. Each of us enters the world in this state.

So, what happened? When does this begin to change for us? What happened is life in its fullest measure with all its giving and taking, its longings, disappointments, pleasures, pains, hurt, trauma, abuse, and even death. Over time, we become hardened, dry, unexpressive, angry, bitter, and mean; sometimes we even get abusive. You may not know any other way to be; you may take things out on others around you, especially those you love the most, and the cycle continues. You may be asking, “Is this all there is? There has to be more to life than this.” I am here to tell you…there is!

Your Relationship with Your Parents

Loving and being loved fully starts by healing your relationship with your parents. It’s never too late, even if they are deceased or no longer in your life. Most of your current reality stems from unresolved past experiences while growing up with your parent(s) or primary caregiver(s).

As a young child, the world was all about you and you believed everything bad that happened was YOUR FAULT. For example: if your mother was crying, it was your fault; if your father was angry, it was your fault; if your parents divorced, it was your fault. As a result, you may have thought, “If I were more helpful, my mother wouldn’t be sad,” “If I were quieter, my father wouldn’t yell,” or “If I behaved better, they wouldn’t get divorced.”

As a teenager, you may have shifted the blame to your parents believing every bad thing that happened to you was THEIR FAULT. For example: if your boyfriend broke up with you, it was somehow your mother’s fault; if you didn’t make the team, it was somehow your father’s fault; if you failed your driver’s test, it was somehow your parents’ fault. As a result, you may have thought, “There’s something wrong with me,” “I’m unlovable,” or “I can’t count on anyone.”

As an adult, you may have come to understand that your parents did the best they could, and yet they were less than ideal parents. Like you, your parents were once children. They also experienced many unmet needs, disappointments, hurts, betrayals, and feelings that were never resolved. Like you, out of these unresolved experiences, they drew negative conclusions and developed beliefs about themselves, others, relationships, finances, and life in general, such as: “I’m unworthy and don’t deserve anything good,” “Men hurt me/Women smother me,” or “Life is unsafe and scary.”

It’s important to note that your parents behaved as if these conclusions, beliefs, and judgments were true—they could not be or act any other way— and neither can you.

However, if your inner child is still harboring feelings of hurt and betrayal, or any experiences of neglect, abandonment, or abuse, resolving them— putting them in the past where they belong—can free you to be the person you know you can be.

It’s important to identify and change your resonance with the earlier experiences, the unresolved feelings, and conclusions you came to about yourself, others, and life that are currently keeping you from attaining the extraordinary life you are here to live.

It is never too late to have a great relationship with your parents.

Your Relationship with Others

While you were growing up, in addition to your relationship with your parent(s), your relationships with other people also continue to have an impact on how you relate to others in your day-to-day life.

Consider, as a child, there were moments in your relationships with your playmates or siblings when you may have felt jealous, superior, protective, rejected, shamed, etc. Also, you may have felt forced to interact and be on your best behavior with other family members—grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins. During your school years, how your teachers and coaches related to you may have had a significant effect on your beliefs about your own intelligence, capacity to learn, and ability to compete. All of these relationships continue to affect how you relate to yourself and others, your self-confidence, as well as your view of life today.

This is where Resonance Repatterning® comes in. This method, developed by Chloe Faith Wordsworth, releases the resonance with unresolved harmful experiences, the unmet life needs, along with the resulting feelings and beliefs. You may want to consider going to the Repatterning Practitioners Association website and choosing a certified practitioner you feel guided to working with and give them a call. You’ll be amazed at the results.

May the wisdom inside you take you on a journey into your heart where your greatness abides. Now, that’s living a heart-centered, extraordinary life!

Lovingly Submitted,

Victoria Benoit, M.C.                                                                                                          

Healer, Speaker, Amazon #1 Bestselling Author, What Would Love Do Right Now?  A Guide to Living an Extraordinary Life.

Four Steps to Making Amends

Making amends is about others and restoring those relationships that you have broken or damaged. The desire to make amends arises when you’re willing to take responsibility for what happened and the impact it had on those involved. It’s not suitable for everyday mishaps—it’s best used for significant incidents that warrant extra consideration and may simply depend on the importance of the relationship.

When you harm others and make no effort to repair the relationship, you tend to avoid those people and large areas of your life become closed off. When you begin making amends, you have the opportunity to restore your relationships and have those areas open up again.

Seeking to mend a relationship involves forgiving yourself, offering a sincere apology, making necessary restitution, and accepting responsibility by taking steps to avoid making the same mistake in the future.

Step 1: Forgiving Yourself

Being able to make amends to others starts with forgiving yourself. In his tiny buddha® blog Michael Davidson says, “Forgiving yourself is far more challenging than forgiving someone else, because you must live with yourself and your thoughts 24/7.”

When you’ve done something you consider wrong, the accompanying emotion registers in your nervous system. For example, you may feel guilty if you mistreated someone; or you may feel sad, if you made a mistake that cost you a friendship. When these emotions register, they usually contribute to negative thoughts and limiting beliefs you have about yourself, like “I can’t do anything right,” or “I’m a bad person.”

More than anything else, forgiving yourself requires that you acknowledge your actions have consequences for yourself and others. However, any attempt to forgive yourself—before letting go of the negative emotions and beliefs—won’t work. You’ll just continue to berate yourself, because your nervous system is in control.

Step 2: Offering a Sincere Apology

In order for an apology to be effective, it must be genuine and go to the heart of the matter for the person you wronged. Consider carefully what you’re going to say. Be accountable—don’t make excuses or deflect blame. Be sure to include the crucial words, I’m sorry.

  • State what happened.

“I’m sorry I didn’t pay you back when I promised I would.”

  • Acknowledge the impact your actions had on the other person to show that you fully understand.

“I know it was my fault that you had to cancel your vacation.”

  • Express your desire to restore this relationship.

“Our relationship means a lot to me.”

Step 3: Making Restitution

Whether you’ve robbed someone of time, money, property, trust, attention, dignity, or well-being, it’s important to do what you can to restore that which you’ve taken.

The essence of restitution is finding out what the other person needs and determining if, and when, you can provide that. It starts with an inquiry.

  • Ask what the person needs from you to restore the relationship.

“How can I make it up to you?”

Then, let the other person respond. Just listen. If the request is ethical and you’re willing to fulfill on it, you have two options:

  • Agree to their request and time frame.

“I can do that when I get paid on Friday.”

  • Suggest an alternative if you’re unable to comply.

“I can’t pay you in full now, but I will make weekly payments.”

Step 4: Accepting Responsibility

Accepting responsibility is about making a genuine change in your behavior and taking on a whole new way of living.

Everyone has made mistakes, but the only mistakes that will undermine your happiness are the ones you’re unwilling to admit.

Be honest in expressing what you’ve learned from this mistake. This helps the other person trust that you’re sincerely making amends for your past behavior. Describe the ways in which you’re making changes in your life to refrain from repeating the wrongdoing.

  • Admit your transgression.

“I was wrong to take your money and not honor my agreement.”

  • Tell what you’ve learned.

“I’ve learned that I’ve been totally unreliable about money.”

  • Declare any action(s) you’re taking.

“I’m participating in a debt management course, and I’m having 10% of my paycheck directly deposited into a savings account.”

Keep it simple. A long apology will start to lose its power. Make your points clearly and effectively.

Give the other person time to respond. Grant them the space, time, and freedom to vent, if necessary. Be willing to listen without judgment and accept their point of view, even if some of their perceptions of the situation seem inaccurate. They have every right to feel the way they feel.

Keep in mind, although making amends can free you, it doesn’t always mean that the relationship will be restored—or that the process will be sufficient for the other person to forgive you.

In the Alcoholics Anonymous’ 12-Step program, Step 9 states, “Make direct amends to those people you have harmed wherever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others.” When direct amends is not possible or appropriate, there are many ways to complete the four-step process without personal contact. For example: you could write the person a letter; you could imagine yourself having a conversation with the other person; you could create a collage. Your mind does not know the difference between what is real and imagined, which is why visualization is so powerful.

You will be amazed how clean the slate becomes by making amends. Remember to be gentle with yourself throughout the process.

If someone is making amends to you, let them. Be generous and be gracious. Refrain from making the restitution you request out of proportion with what they did.

This is where Resonance Repatterning® comes in. This method, developed by Chloe Faith Wordsworth, releases the resonance with any unhealed parts of yourself that would keep you from forgiving yourself and/or others. You may want to consider going to the Repatterning Practitioners Association website and choosing a certified practitioner you feel guided to working with and give them a call. You’ll be amazed at the results.

May the wisdom inside you take you on a journey into your heart where your greatness abides. Now, that’s living a heart-centered, extraordinary life!

Lovingly Submitted,

Victoria Benoit, M.C.

Healer, Speaker, Amazon #1 Bestselling Author, What Would Love Do Right Now?  A Guide to Living an Extraordinary Life.

Gateway to a Deeper Understanding

Sport has always been an important part of my life, and yet, in recent years, it has fallen by the wayside. I used to think this was because life with small children was just too busy, not to mention the difficulty I faced with communicating in a foreign language. Recently though I have come to the conclusion that it’s actually something else entirely.

My passion has always been for volleyball. I spent most of my adolescence hoping for the opportunity to play and signing up for the volleyball club was practically the first thing I did when I got to university. In fact, my husband and I met on the volleyball court. But in the last few years, he has had to abandon the sport for something less taxing on his shoulders – enter badminton, a sport he now plays extremely well, which he’s spent several years encouraging me to try.

I did – eventually – only to give up pretty quickly. I didn’t like the feel of the racket in my hand – a barrier between me and the ball (shuttle, I should say). I didn’t like that there’s no ‘team’ – not in the same way, even when playing doubles. I didn’t like that the movement on the court was so different…. and so on, and so forth, but these were just excuses. What I didn’t like, really, was the negative self-talk going on inside my head and the fact that I felt discouraged. Things like: “You’re not good enough. You’ll never get the hang of this. You’re the worst player on the court. This is too hard. You’re slowing others down and they don’t want to play with you.”

You see, I recently had an epiphany of sorts when I tried, once more, to play. Something would always happen on, or off, the court that would upset me and then I couldn’t enjoy myself any more. But, this time, instead of giving up, I found myself thinking, ‘Hang on! I can Repattern that!’ And I did. Every time I played badminton, I came home and did a Resonance Repatterning© session on myself, and I began to see a difference. I was having fun again, the negative self-talk went away, my physical conditioning improved, my shots improved, my accuracy, my movement on the court, my understanding of the game, my confidence, my speed.

Mental, emotional, physical limitations fell away (and not just on the badminton court either) and I realised – sport, more than any other area of my life, is the arena in which my negative patterns are revealed. That is why I have avoided it for so long. And that is why I now absolutely love it!

I am ready now, more than ever, to bring these patterns to light and work on them, to strip away the layers of negative beliefs and emotions that get in the way of me living my life to the fullest.

What about you? Which area of your life acts as a magnifying glass to highlight those aspects of yourself you’re ready to work on?

With love,

Sophia Avramides

Facing the fear of being visible

Earlier this year I was feeling quite frustrated that Resonance Repatterning  wasn’t more valued in the world, sad that so many people could benefit from it and that it was still largely unknown. I decided to stop complaining and instead, see what I could do to change the situation and as ever, this change began within.

I had received an email from the organisers of the Boom Festival in Portugal, which is only offered every two years. I’ve been wanting to go for over a decade and I almost procrastinated again, telling myself I wasn’t good enough yet. Instead, I applied to offer RR there, in the Being Fields, and was overjoyed to be enthusiastically welcomed and accepted.

I leapt at the chance to attend Liz Tobin’s brilliant Stepping into the Spotlight walking our talk event in January. Soon afterwards a friend recommended a free 30 day FB event called Ignite Video Challenge. We were encouraged to record short first take videos and be part of a supportive group, learning skills and giving each other feedback. Another friend had recommended a way to make my own website about a year earlier and once I gave it my full attention, I was able to create one I was delighted with within a couple of hours. It was as easy to use as she’d said. I followed through on my intention to begin offering world peace hologram events, which I’d been wanting to do for years and love, even though I’m far from perfect. I attended Carolyn Winter’s excellent techie tips training in April and I’ve created an online course as a result.

These are all tiny steps towards making Resonance Repatterning more visible and accessible to as many people as possible and it feels so good to have made a solid start. I could easily have continued hiding in fear and feeling helpless about how to share Resonance Repatterning more widely.

I’ve used Resonance Repatterning on myself throughout, shared sessions with peers and felt supported every step of the way. The original intention I came into resonance with was to be confidently making videos, sharing what I love, for the joy of it, unattached to outcomes and feeling free. I’m amazed how quickly this has become my experience. I’m freshly inspired by the power of Resonance Repatterning and deeply appreciative of the transformation it makes possible. I love this elegant body of work with all my heart. Thank you!

“Until one is committed, there is hesitancy, the chance to draw back, always ineffectiveness. Concerning all acts of initiative and creation, there is one elementary truth the ignorance of which kills countless ideas and splendid plans: that the moment one definitely commits oneself, then providence moves too. All sorts of things occur to help one that would never otherwise have occurred. A whole stream of events issues from the decision, raising in one’s favour all manner of unforeseen incidents, meetings and material assistance which no man could have dreamed would have come his way. Whatever you can do or dream you can, begin it. Boldness has genius, power and magic in it. Begin it now.” ― Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

 

 

21 QUESTIONS TO ASK YOURSELF ABOUT FACEBOOK   

If you are finding the current demise of Facebook challenging and feeling a bit edgy you are not alone. The lack of regard for our privacy and the data leaks has caused many to experience stresses in their social circles. Perhaps some of your friends have deleted their accounts, or many have just gone dead silent.  A sense of loss may have crept in when the friendly Smart Phone beeps delivering FB alerts has gone from 100 messages to a trickle. Your inner turmoil may be reflecting the addiction we all have to Facebook or the desire to connect.

Every echelon in society had questions for Mark Zuckerberg’s testimony at the USA Congress.  Though we have to rely on powers higher than us to ask those questions, there are plenty we can ask ourselves when arriving at a decision whether to delete our Facebook account or continue.   Consider these questions from a healing and trans-formative point of view:

  • Can you trust Facebook?
  • Can you trust others on Facebook?
  • Can you trust yourself on Facebook?
  • What can’t we trust about ourselves on Facebook?
  • Do I tell the truth?
  • Do I tell others the truth?
  • Do I tell myself the truth?
  • How do I live with the truths I do not like?
  • How do I recognize when I am lying to myself or others?
  • Can I recognize when others are lying?
  • What facts do I want to believe as the truth?
  • What facts do I want to dismiss so that I can dismiss the truth?
  • Can I discern the difference between the truth and a pseudo truth?
  • In the scheme of things, I am insignificant. How can Facebook get anything from me or do anything to me?
  • How does Facebook mirror the lies I tell myself?
  • How do I escape the truth on Facebook?
  • How do I want to live my life?
  • What facts on Facebook do I believe are true? How do I know they are true?
  • What is the truth?
  • Am I enlightened enough (free of pain, non coherent patterns, and past hurts and able to live my truth) to participate on Facebook being the truth of who I am?

Personally, I wish I could say I trust Mark Zuckerberg.  However, I look at his birth process pattern for this company – he took the idea away from someone else and only years later settled with them out of court.  Has his resonance changed much since the inception of the company? My fire chakra is churning and my gut says maybe not. Is it my water chakra addiction to the easy social connection provided by FB that helps me live with it or want to turn a blind eye?   The questions for me keep coming. Where have I refused to see a thief in my life in the past?  Do I want to keep paying the price? Do I respect myself? Is there life after Facebook?

If I continue on Facebook I am aware I am entraining with a corporate field of energy built on the unspoken principle that it is okay to steal or what can we get away with? – principles that seem to still be operating with the inner circle at Facebook given their slow responses and milk toast answers. Is that mirroring something in me?

Corporations like Facebook will continue -it’s too lucrative not to.  Since we are living in a rapidly connected world –it’s  also argued that using the situation as an excuse to step away from social media will cause those who do so to become marginalized.

If we can’t trust ourselves on Facebook  perhaps it is because of our own unconscious patterns that we project onto our news feed.  To continue in a healthy wholesome way means that we need to up our own game of inner enlightenment and action. Specifically we need to ….

  1. Commit ourselves to personal growth and transformation (we like Repatterning work for that!)
  2. Live a life where we tell the truth to ourselves and others and then act with integrity
  3. Commit to being informed and demand transparency of companies like FB. We each need to exercise leadership taking action where we can – write our concerns to government officials for example.

Who knows? By taking a pause and examining our own patterns involved with Facebook participation, we ourselves may evolve to create personal safety anywhere online.  As an added bonus our enlightened perspective and actions may change the FB leadership, and others for the best – creating an even better Facebook environment.

So while there are lots of questions to ask Mark Zuckerberg, we may well turn this opportunity into questioning our own part and how we too may need to change.

With love and light

Carolyn Winter

Carolyn is President at the Repatterning Practitioners Association,  the online coordinator of repatterning classes as http://www.Ozardis.com , provides personal holographic coaching (repatterning) sessions  and facilitates free group sessions for peace at  www.WorldPeaceHologram.com