Heal your relationship with your mother first.
To live a magical life—filled with magical experiences, magical people, magical creativity, a magical career, magical moments with your children, friends, colleagues, neighbors, spouses, lovers, etc.—you must heal your relationships with your biological parents first.
You can never separate yourself from the sperm of your father and the egg of your mother—whether they are known to you or not—and no matter how far you try to distance yourself from them, you will always be a product of them.
Parental figures also include: step-parents, adoptive parents, foster parents, and anyone else who you would describe as a parent. In the event that there was abuse from any parental figure (physical, emotional, mental, sexual, and spiritual), set aside your reluctance and consider healing the wounds.
Consider that there are many reasons such as, emotional overwhelm, lack of support, inherited disciplinary customs, mental disorders, impatience, etc.—which are not necessarily intentional—and that you can grant your parents forgiveness with more compassion for their hurtful reactions and behaviors.
This is how I healed my relationship with my mother.
• Growing up, I felt my mother had my destiny in her hands. So, I believed it was best to do and say what she told me to do and say—even though deep inside I knew it was wrong. One of the most hurtful things she did, when my parents separated, was to tell me horrible things about my father that I believed. I thought I had to reject my father to live peacefully with her. So, I spent very little time with him and when we were together, I was distant and looking for evidence that my mother was right. This left me feeling confused, anxious, and guilty because I loved my father. I got stuck with these emotions at age 12.
• My relationship with my mother continued to be turbulent throughout my adulthood. After my second divorce, I moved across the country and stayed with my mother until I got settled. After I got a great job and a place to live, I moved out. It was then that I realized counseling was necessary for me to focus on healing our relationship.
• I had been working diligently with my counselor to heal the many harmful incidents in my childhood relative to my mother. One day my mother came over to my apartment—unannounced—to let me know she had lost her job and the only way she could survive was to move in with me. She told me all the things she had done for me throughout her life, and therefore I owed it to her to take her in. Regardless of how much work I had done to heal myself, I still just acquiesced and said, “Yes.”
• About an hour later at my counseling session, it was brought home to me that I had reverted emotionally to the little girl who always obeyed her mother—no matter what. I became determined not to do that.
• When I got home, my mother was happily awaiting both my return and the prospect of living together. I mustered up the courage to tell her that coming to live with me would not work. I offered to pay her rent and help in any other way I could. Even in the midst of my fear about her reaction, I felt powerful and proud of standing up for myself. How I related to my mother after this, was never again driven by that little 12-year-old girl.
• She told me I was an ungrateful brat, disowned me, and left. She called for several days afterword and was verbally abusive. Each time, I simply told her that when she could talk to me with respect, I would be glad to have the conversation, and that I was hanging up now. She eventually stopped calling, and we didn’t speak to each other for about five years.
• During this 5-year timeout, I continued to work with my counselor to heal all the incidents with my mother that were still impacting my life. Eventually, I reached a place where all the wounds of the little girl inside me were healed, and I felt free and at peace with my mother.
• I released many stored emotions and gave the responsibility and guilt back to her. I visualized my mother communicating sincere apologies to me, starting with “I am sorry for all the things I did that hurt you. You didn’t deserve that.” I imagined her promising to get the help she needed to heal her past. With each incident, I energetically asked her to say to me what I needed to hear, and asked her to do what I needed her to do for me in order to restore the relationship. Then I imagined her saying, as well as doing, what I had asked.
• At 40, I could look back—from an adult perspective—and put myself in my mom’s shoes. I was able to feel compassion for what she was going through at the time and could understand some of the choices she made. There were many behaviors with which I did not agree and yet I generously chose forgiveness and set myself free.
• When I completed counseling and was feeling strong. I wrote down all the ways I had turned out great. I included all the positive skills, abilities, and strengths I developed and integrated into my life as a result of the responsibilities that my mother entrusted to me as a child. I filled a whole page!
• Afterward, I reached out to my mother to ask whether we could get together and talk. She said it would be a while before she was ready to see me, but she was willing to talk over the phone.
• During the next year, we talked and worked through the issues we still harbored. I came to understand and have compassion for her. We each took responsibility for the harm we caused one another and when we were both ready, we met. The reunion was heartfelt and loving. We have been able to maintain a caring, respectful relationship most of the time.
• I was her advocate as she transitioned into assisted living. She is now super appreciative of the time I spend with her which feels good to hear and feeds my soul.
Does the Magical Healing Process really make a difference? Yes, and to live a magical life, there’s no hope in avoidance. Going into the unknown parts of yourself from your past may not be easy, however, it is necessary.
There are only two predominant things going on in your life. You either have something you don’t want (shame, blame, guilt, anger, envy, frustration, resentment, or regret). Or, you want something you don’t have.
Is transformational support available? For those who want to have an extraordinary, remarkable, exceptional, outstanding, incredible, phenomenal, unbelievable, amazing, astonishing, astounding, marvelous, fantastic, magnificent, wonderful, sensational, miraculous, fabulous, stupendous, out of this world, terrific, awesome, and wondrous life, feel free to choose a certified practitioner on the Repatterning Practitioners Association website who can support you in identifying and releasing negative beliefs, thoughts, feelings, behaviors, habits, and detrimental patterns that prevent you from living a magical life.
Victoria Benoit, M.C.
Mind/Body Repatterning Practitioner
Amazon #1 Bestselling Author of What Would Love Do Right Now? A Guide to Living an Extraordinary Life, and Three Magical Words for a Magical Life.
“Forgiving my parents didn’t excuse their behavior, but it allowed me to move past the hurt.” ~ Tracey Casciano