Heal your relationship with your father now.
To live a magical life—filled with magical experiences, magical people, magical creativity, a magical career, magical moments with your children, friends, colleagues, neighbors, spouses, lovers, etc.—you must heal your relationships with your biological parents first.
You can never separate yourself from the sperm of your father and the egg of your mother—whether they are known to you or not—and no matter how far you try to distance yourself from them, you will always be a product of them.
Parental figures also include: step-parents, adoptive parents, foster parents, and anyone else who you would describe as a parent. In the event that there was abuse from any parental figure (physical, emotional, mental, sexual, and spiritual), set aside your reluctance and consider healing the wounds.
Consider that there are many reasons such as, emotional overwhelm, lack of support, inherited disciplinary customs, mental disorders, impatience, etc.—which are not necessarily intentional—and that you can grant your parents forgiveness with more compassion for their hurtful reactions and behaviors.
This is how I healed my relationship with my father.
• Growing up, it was apparent that my mom wore the pants in the family. Whenever I wanted something, I’d ask my dad and even though he’d say, “Yes,” he’d always conclude with, “But it’s up to your mother.” She inevitably said, “No!”
• At church, I’d hear that the man is the head of the household, but not at my house. I was very confused and didn’t understand why my dad wouldn’t take on the man’s role in our family.
• One Saturday morning when I was 12, my mom called a family meeting and announced that my dad was moving out. She offered no explanation as to why—and neither did he. He did, however, say he didn’t really want to leave, but he felt it was best. I felt betrayed. I was stunned, scared, devastated, sad, angry—every emotion imaginable.
• I realized that if he left, I’d end up being the one responsible for everything between the time I got home from school and when mom got home from work. She expected me to do the housework, make dinner, and babysit my younger sisters and brother. Without my father, I’d be on my own with no one to support me. I would have to end all my after-school activities. The fun times were over—forever!
• I just wanted to pinch my dad’s ear and say, “Wake up! Stand up for yourself. How can you let her walk all over you? Why won’t you save our family? What about ME?” I felt it was time for him to be the man of the house—he failed me.
• After my dad moved out, I withdrew any respect I had left for him. I would go to the scheduled visitations, where he usually catered to what my 3-year-old brother needed. What I needed—again—didn’t seem to matter. I shut my heart to him.
• Over the years, my mom was always harping about how weak, spineless, and inconsiderate he was, which I took on as true. When I was about 15, I started making excuses not to see him—I didn’t get the point of spending time with him. We rarely got together after that, except for my birthday and holidays. It seemed to work just fine for me.
• My parents eventually got divorced and each of them remarried. Over the next 45 years, as I became an adult, my dad and I were able to have some wonderful talks about life and became closer, until his death several years later. Yet, I knew there was still something missing.
• After recalling the details of what happened when he left home, I knew I was now ready to be free of my resentment and bitterness. Next, I visualized my dad in front of me taking back his responsibility and guilt for what happened. I imagined him saying what I longed to hear, “I am sorry I didn’t stand up for you and our family. I allowed your mother to rule the roost because it was easier for me. I realize I could have worked harder to provide the support you needed. I know that my leaving without telling you why must have had a negative impact on you. Over the years, I’ve learned to be more assertive and now feel strong within myself. How can I make it up to you, Vicki?” I saw him giving me the support I needed by helping me organize my finances and giving me tips about where I should invest my money.
• Doing this process, even though my dad had passed, helped me open my heart completely. My memories are now filled with much greater respect and admiration for him.
This is how I healed the harm I caused my father.
• Wanting to reconcile my relationship with my father began when I was 18. Even though I was still living with my mother, I felt an urge to talk to my dad and apologize for rejecting him when I was 12.
• We met and took this wonderful two-hour walk on the bank of the Root River. I shared with him that the only way I knew how to survive living with mom, was to cut him out of most areas of my life. He shared his side of the story, which was completely different than my mother’s story about him. I listened, listened even more, and came to some realizations about who my dad really was. We held hands, talked, and wept. I shared the impact some of his behaviors had on my life and the conclusions I came to because of them. He understood.
• As we were talking, I took responsibility for the harm I had caused him, by withholding my love, affection and attention. At one point, we stopped in our tracks, looked each other in the eye and I told him how sorry I was for being so distant. He let me know that he understood what was happening and was waiting for this day to come—which came much sooner than he expected. I promised him, that I would do my best to include him in my life.
• We parted that day with so much love in our hearts, and our relationship grew stronger every day thereafter.
Does the Magical Healing Process really make a difference? Yes, and to live a magical life, there’s no hope in avoidance. Going into the unknown parts of yourself from your past may not be easy, however, it is necessary.
There are only two predominant things going on in your life. You either have something you don’t want (shame, blame, guilt, anger, envy, frustration, resentment, or regret). Or, you want something you don’t have.
Is transformational support available? For those who want to have an extraordinary, remarkable, exceptional, outstanding, incredible, phenomenal, unbelievable, amazing, astonishing, astounding, marvelous, fantastic, magnificent, wonderful, sensational, miraculous, fabulous, stupendous, out of this world, terrific, awesome, and wondrous life, feel free to choose a certified practitioner on the Repatterning Practitioners Association website who can support you in identifying and releasing negative beliefs, thoughts, feelings, behaviors, habits, and detrimental patterns that prevent you from living a magical life.
Victoria Benoit, M.C.
Mind/Body Repatterning Practitioner
Amazon #1 Bestselling Author of What Would Love Do Right Now? A Guide to Living an Extraordinary Life, and Three Magical Words for a Magical Life.
“Forgiveness is the best form of love. It takes a strong person to say they are sorry and an even stronger person to forgive.” ~ Author Unknown