Relationship as a Sacred Journey

Relationships are very intriguing to me. You are in relationship with everyone, from your banker to your lover and everyone in between. How you experience relationships can be uplifting or debilitating depending on how you are in the relationship. Every interaction counts.
Have you ever noticed that the experience you have in an interaction depends on how you approach the person? I have done many conversation experiments, and what I have come to know is the more loving, friendly, and compassionate I am, the more the person I am talking with is that way with me. I have observed this especially when talking to someone, for example, at the phone company when I call in asking for clarity or resolution regarding my bill. Try it next time and notice the difference!
Another experiment I did, many years ago, was with my father. It seemed to me that when he called me,  he was reporting how things were going with him and his new family. He would tell me all the things I wished I had done with him when I was young, but since we did not live together, my siblings and I did not get to do many activities. I found myself getting envious of what they were getting that I did not. What was missing for me in his calls was acknowledgment that I still mattered in his life and that I meant a lot to him. So, I started acknowledging him for being such a great father to his other three children and how fortunate they were to get to do all the things they were doing and to have him as a Dad. After just two phone calls, he started asking about me and my life and told me how important I was to him. He also acknowledged me for how much of a difference I was making in the lives of my clients. This was something he had not done before. So the very thing I thought was missing I gave him, and in the very giving of it, I experienced acknowledgement and seemingly out of nowhere, he gave to me the very thing I was previously missing. It was quite remarkable. The switch was very dramatic. So, if there are qualities you are lacking in relationship with others, bring that quality to them or the situation and watch how you are actually experiencing the very quality you previously thought was missing.
There are so many things I have learned over the last few years especially when it comes to relating with men. I would like to honor Allison Armstrong, the developer of the “Celebrating Men, Satisfying Women®” series, http://www.understandmen.com. She has spent over thirty years studying men. I would like to share some of the things that have made a difference when I speak with men that I have learned from Allison’s inquiry.
Allison has come to know that men are wired to provide, so I let men know what it is that they would be providing for me if they helped me, and they seem to jump at the opportunity. Since men love to make women happy, I might say to my beloved partner Bernie, “It would really make me happy if you would call me before you left your house to come over, so I know when you might be here. It would provide me more time to get ready to see you after I get caught up on my emails.” Even when men I do not know help me, I make it a habit to tell them what they provided for me. Their chest puffs up, knowing they have just made a difference;  they love it!

According to Allison, men are also wired to protect women. For example, I might say to Bernie while he is driving us somewhere, “I would feel much safer if there were more distance between our car and the car in front of us.” The interaction is not making him wrong for driving so close, rather, it is about proving safety for me. He naturally slowed down and I made sure I appreciated him by saying, “Thank you, I feel much safer now.” It is important as women that we let men provide safety for us and then appreciate them for it.
I have learned so much about my partner Bernie, just from listening to him. Asking him a question, then being quiet, gives him the time he needs to disclose what he chooses. Over time, he reveals more and more of who is and what he is up to, just in his speaking. Being present for another and listening is such a wonderful gift we can give each other.
I have also learned over the years to ask a man what he thinks rather than how he feels. You would be surprised how much information you get. You can actually learn what means a lot to men, what men value and what men hold dear and near just by listening. Men feel acknowledged and respected when they are listened to and men love respect and acknowledgement!
Allison also talks about how important men’s opinions are to them. She states that men’s opinions are to them, as women’s feelings are to women. So, just by asking their opinion, you can hear their inner longings, goals and what they are up to. You can also hear their sincere desire to help and make a difference in your life. Start really listening and notice the difference!

I like to look at intimate relationships as a sacred journey. We can use everything that ‘comes up’ for us and triggers us as an opportunity to heal. For those of us who are privileged to do Resonance Repatterning®, we can find and clear, or inquire and resolve, what happened in the past that is unresolved that is underneath the current upset. In this way, your intimate relationship can be like a journey, a sacred journey into your greatness, if you will. If you are in an intimate relationship, I encourage you to change your perspective and notice how much more freedom and love you share. Those of you who are not in an intimate relationship, the more you clear what is still unresolved from your past relationships, the more you will be open to the qualities you want to attract in a partner. Those of you who do not do the Resonance Repatterning® process, I would encourage you to find a practitioner in your area or have a phone session with a certified practitioner that you really connect with. The sessions are very profound. You can find one at: http://www.repatterning.org.

Relationships can be more uplifting if you are part of the solution, rather than part of the problem. If you go into the interaction with this intention, you will always get a different response, and your relationship with whomever will be a sacred journey– a source of personal transformation, joy and love.

Lovingly submitted,

Victoria Benoit, M.C.

Victoria has been a Certified Resonance Repatterning® Practitioner since 1994 and Teacher for fifteen years in Phoenix, AZ. In 1996 she opened the “Center for Extraordinary Outcomes”. As a Licensed Professional Counselor, she has used Resonance Repatterning® and five other methods, rather than psychotherapy, with her clients for the past 16 years. She is available for in-person and phone sessions for individuals, couples, groups, families and businesses.

Work Phone:  602-864-7662

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Health is an Inside Job

To be healthy is to be happy on all levels physically, emotionally, mentally and spiritually. And to be happy is to be healthy on all levels physically, emotionally, mentally and spiritually. It sounds like an easy remedy and the good news is, it can be. You can start right where you are, just the way you are.

It all starts with self-love. It is easy to love yourself when all is going well and according to your plans. However, can you love yourself when you just lost your job, or your partner chooses to leave the relationship you’ve been in for ten years?? Can you love yourself when you’ve been diagnosed with arthritis, cancer or any aliment?? How about when someone close to you makes their transition?

These are the times when you need to rely on the reserves of love you have for yourself. Remember the time you succeeded in achieving your goal? You got the job, finished running the 5K, or sold the first pair of earrings you made? What about when you really wanted to move and you did, or when it was best for you to leave a relationship you have been in for a while and you did. How about when you took your first Resonance Repatterning® seminar and you said to yourself, “I am going to go for my professional certification”, and you did. Remember the energy you had when you accomplished your goal? Remember how you celebrated?? This is the energy, the love within, that you can rely on now to help you when you need it the most, for your health.

For the past year, when I have found myself in a growth opportunity, I have used the simple phrase, ‘what would love do right now?’ I may not have been able to do what Mother Teresa would do; however, I’d always do something more loving than I would have done before asking the question. I have shared this phrase with several of my clients, colleagues and friends. They have all shared amazing stories of the difference this inquiry has made. You too can apply this to every area of your life.

Let’s start with physically. What would love do right now? Love might look in the mirror and say, “I love you and accept you just the way you are, and I want to live a long healthy life. To do that I will find a food plan that supports my well-being, I will go for a walk out in nature every morning, I will get my teeth cleaned, take up yoga, get my eyes examined, etc.” Be sure to follow-up on these ideas or they are just that, ideas.

Emotionally, what would love do right now? Perhaps, love would apologize for something you said that you really didn’t mean to say during a recent argument. Love would forgive someone who you perceived harmed you. Love might take the risk to love again, to share your deep feelings. Remember the quote, ‘I would have rather have loved and gotten hurt, than to have never loved.’ What are you waiting for? I have a quote on my refrigerator by Erica Jong that says “If you don’t risk anything, you risk even more.” Wow, how true. What are the steps you can take to open your heart again? Who would you feel safe having a Resonance Repatterning® session with? Call them, make an appointment and keep the appointment. It is never too late to have a fabulous love life if that is something you want.

Mentally, what would love do right now? Love might take the time to focus and get really clear on your goals and write them down. Don’t forget the ‘by when’. Love would get the support you need to accomplish your goals. Love would ask for help. Love would change your attitude and be more optimistic. Perhaps love would write down on paper all the lists you have in your head to create some free moments in your mind. Then love would make a plan to complete the tasks on your list.

Spiritually, what would love do right now? Love might take time each morning to connect with your inner Divinity, even just for twenty minutes. It would also be beneficial to do the same thing right before bed; being grateful for the day with all its wondrous moments and even the less than wonderful ones. The more peaceful you are before sleep, the more restful and rejuvenating your sleep will be.

Every moment you are being given an opportunity to be happy and healthy; to grow and transform. When you engage fully in life, life can fully engage with you. I sometimes tell people that I live out on the skinny branches of life. It is not always easy however, the rewards are extraordinary.

You are responsible for the quality of your life. Take time to nurture yourself. Be good to yourself. Love yourself. Love yourself to wholeness.


Victoria Benoit, M.C.

Victoria has been a Certified Resonance Repatterning® Practitioner since 1994 and Teacher for fifteen years in Phoenix, AZ. In 1996 she opened the “Center for Extraordinary Outcomes”. As a Licensed Professional Counselor, she has used Resonance Repatterning® and five other methods, rather than psychotherapy, with her clients for the past 16 years. She is available for in-person and phone sessions for individuals, couples, groups, families and businesses. Victoria has just completed her first book, “What Would Love Do Right Now?” It will be available on-line and on the stands in July of 2011.

Work Phone:  602-864-7662

 

 

Transformation

Transformation

What is it really to transform something or someone?? What are we really doing when we facilitate sessions?  I love to begin with Webster: Transformation: 1. to change the form or outer appearance of, 2. to change the condition, nature or function of – to convert, 3. to change the personality or character of, 4. to change one form of energy into another.

He continues to say that transformation in the broadest scope of these terms, implies a change either in external form, inner nature or in function (she was transformed into a happy girl). From its earlier use in alchemy, it suggests a change in basic nature that seems to be miraculous, like from being shy to gregarious. To convert implies a change in details so as to be suitable for new use, like converting an attic into an apartment, or from not being in an intimate relationship for years to dating and enjoying it. It is like a metamorphosis, suggesting a startling change produced as if by magic, like a caterpillar into a butterfly.

How exciting it is to know that what we are doing with people is in the dictionary! This is exactly what we do. Each session we provide change, helping someone become distinctly different – a transformation of character and replacing it with something better. As I follow up with clients after their session, it continues to amaze me what they experience: “My father called me after 30 years of no contact.”, “My breast lump shrunk.”, “I passed the Bar exam after not passing 3 other times.”, “I created and found the job of my dreams and I start tomorrow.”, “My boyfriend asked me to marry him and asked my father for my hand in marriage.” “I won my court case. I’ll be receiving my check for $100,000.00 next week.” I could go on and on and on. Thank you Chloe for developing such a profound transformational system that we can help ourselves and others!

As practitioners, I believe we have a responsibility to encourage our clients to look for how life is different because they did the session and they will see it everywhere. I remind them that what they look for in life is what they see, so rather than waiting for some results to show up, actively be aware, notice what is different and acknowledge it. This is actually part of the transformation. Then when I do my follow-up call with them, we celebrate their results and what they are noticing that has improved. I find this especially effective with my clients who are having their first session.

As I contemplate how this process works so well, I am reminded of the sessions I have had with different practitioners and what they did to facilitate such a profound transformation in me. I would have to say it was their ‘presence’ that made such a difference. I felt safe to go deep, safe to reveal, safe to be vulnerable. They had the ability to get out of their world and a genuine interest to get into mine.  I felt heard, acknowledged and ‘gotten’.  There is nothing quite like getting ‘gotten.’  Consider this a reminder to do the same with your clients and do the personal preparation you need to do before each session, so you can be fully present for them.

Receive sessions from other practitioners yourself. Do sessions on yourself as a part of your routine, your self care.

The more the client feels safe and taken care of, the more they will trust you with their friends and loved ones and the more personal referrals you will receive from them.  The results speak for themselves, but the caring healing space you create speaks volumes. How exciting it is to be in the business of transformation!

Lovingly,


Victoria Benoit, M.C.

Victoria has been a Certified Resonance Repatterning® Practitioner since 1994 and Teacher for fifteen years in Phoenix, AZ. In 1996 she opened the “Center for Extraordinary Outcomes”. As a Licensed Professional Counselor, she has used Resonance Repatterning® and five other methods, rather than psychotherapy, with her clients for the past 16 years. She is available for in-person and phone sessions for individuals, couples, groups, families and businesses.

Work Phone:  602-864-7662