Bringing ourselves back to life

Most of us didn’t have our essential needs met as children and life often felt threatening. When we felt unwelcome, unloved, unheard or unseen, and we were unable to express this, we shut down, stopped breathing or moving freely. In the Resonance Repatterning process, the energy constriction release is like a beautiful piece of ritual theatre, where our younger selves can experience a sense of safety and nurturing. We are supported to breathe into whatever we are feeling, stay embodied, free the flow of our life energy and embrace our innocence. We receive the update that we are not alone anymore, that we now have the support we need and are encouraged to experience the joy of being our true selves, of being natural, free of the fear of rejection or the illusion of separation. This is self love and acceptance.

We all have the same core needs. Many of our problems come from the belief we are alone, disconnected, and our pain is unique to us. We hide in shame and reach for unfulfilling substitutes. We can choose to break this cycle and free ourselves from our prisons of isolation. From my own experience, nothing is worse than the scenarios my fearful mind conjures up. Yet when I have risked intimacy, revealing the aspects of myself I felt most ashamed of, it has often been surprisingly enjoyable.

Rather than repeating our stories, or going through the motions in our relationships, we can create lasting transformation and move beyond blaming and complaining, beyond the old human story of victim, persecutor and rescuer. We can step into the awareness of our interconnection and the freedom of taking responsibility for every choice we make. We can find out what we are unconsciously committed to, and make the necessary changes. These tiny shifts in perspective ripple out and affect the whole.

Life is precious and we matter. When we can relax into being held, dare to breathe and feel whatever arises, let our bodies move and our voices sound, we reclaim our aliveness.

Resonance Repatterning is not the only way to do this, of course, however, it is a powerful, gentle, elegant, creative and playful way.

http://ecstaticresonance.strikingly.com/

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How Anxiety Causes Relationship Problems

For the anxious person, relationships can be a living hell.  Far from the oasis of warm support and connection most of us associate with relationships, the anxious person is caught in a vicious cycle of stress responses that create yet more anxiousness.

An anxious person typically has the most difficulty in romantic relationships, followed by friendships and work relationships. Oddly, the research doesn’t mention family relationships.

Resonance Repatterning for Anxiety
Anxiety Causes Relationship Problems

I worked with one woman whose relationship with her romantic partner was wonderful. She came from an intensely religious family and as a gay woman she felt insecure and rejected.  Told she would burn in hell by her (otherwise loving) family, she needed friendships to fill the role of family for her.

However, when there were changes in her friendships she found herself panicking.  She couldn’t trust the bond of friendship to weather the natural disruptions of life such as someone moving or even being very busy. She couldn’t trust her close friendships to continue to be “like family”–that they wouldn’t abandon her–because on a deep level, her family had abandoned her.

See the catch 22?  For her, family, intimacy, bonding, love–all mean being abandoned at the primal, core level of accepting who she is as a gay woman.  When her friends needed space to work out their lives, she became needy and demanding, “making it all about me,” as she put it.

Relationship anxiety is an internal battleground where the desperate need for reassurance and security are the very things that threaten the relationship.

The anxious person is caught in a catch 22.  The obvious need is to trust—but at the same time when trust is most needed she absolutely must not collapse into trusting her overwhelming sensations of anxiety.

“I am driving my partner crazy with my drama and neediness and I can’t stop!  My anxiety is pushing him away… and that just makes me even more anxious,” is a typical complaint.

In 2004 the Anxiety Disorders Association of America (ADAA) conducted a survey of GAD (generalized anxiety disorder) sufferers on the effect their anxiety on their romantic partner relationships.

Seventy percent of GAD sufferers believe their relationship anxiety has a negative effect on their relationships. Compared to non-anxious partners in romantic relationships GAD sufferers were:

  • Half as likely to perceive themselves as being in a “healthy, supportive” relationship.
  • Twice as likely to experience relationship problems in communication, social activities, arguments, and sexuality.
  • Three times more likely to avoid sexual intimacy.
  • Seventy-five percent believed their anxiety impaired their ability to participate in normal activities with their partner.

    Natural Remedies for Anxiety
    Natural Remedies for Anxiety

Relationship anxiety often creates mental state of suspiciousness and worry about their partners’ love, care, or faithfulness.

Becoming aware of their anxiety only serves to make them suspicious of their own thoughts and feelings.  The inverse holds true as well: Suspicions about their own thoughts creates anxiety.  The perception is there nothing to trust.  Any evidence of love and care on the part of the other gets lost in the fear and confusion.

Persistent needs of reassurance, dramatic confrontations and destructive impulses create even more stress in the relationship. Intolerable mental-emotional states create an urgent need for relief  (but make for bad decision making.) There is a downward spiral.

Anxious people blame themselves for not overcoming feelings of fear and panic and for the negative effects it has on their relationships.  Despair takes hold.  Traditional therapy leaves them “knowing better….but not being better.”

Adult Separation Anxiety
Adult Separation Anxiety

What we see as a pattern underneath the anxious person is someone who wants and needs (but is unable to receive) the closeness and security of relationship.

What we see in the relationship patterns of an anxious person is someone who desperately needs assistance with healing.

What we see in the unhealed stress responses requires much more, or something much different, than what either medication or thought-out rational explanations or problem-solving can even begin to provide.

What I see is a great need for Resonance Repatterning.

“The place God calls you to is the place where your deep gladness and the world’s deep hunger meet.”  Frederick Buechner

Laura Frisbie

http://www.beat-depression-naturally.com 

Resonance Repatterning Practitioner specializing in abandonment and natural anxiety treatment

Resonance Practitioners Association Executive Board, Journal Committee, Skills Development Facilitator