Before experiencing Resonance Repatterning in 2000 my inner compass was set to terror, rage, grief, self hatred, shame and worthlessness. Life felt pointless with the odd moment of relief. Now it’s the opposite and however challenging my outer circumstances are, my inner state is one of calm joy, along with a deep appreciation of being alive. I still have the odd moment when I forget I have a choice but I’ve almost forgotten how desperate I used to feel. It is not an exaggeration to say I believe it has saved my life.
To put it simply, I just feel better. Better than I thought possible. As it is for so many of us, my life began with trauma. I was taken from my mother immediately after birth. I spent most of the first two months of my life alone. I was adopted and then experienced years of violence and abuse on all levels. When I was at my most helpless I felt severely let down. I didn’t know what it was like to feel relaxed, held by life or welcomed. I had received a clear message that I was unloveable and was here to be punished. I lived this reality long after the external abuse had stopped. I moulded myself to be liked by others because it felt like a matter of life and death. When I was a baby and a small child, it was. Mostly that meant keeping quiet, making myself as small and invisible as possible. I used to numb myself with a whole array of addictions. Those early experiences, especially the first two months of life and certainly the first four years set the scene and the patterns formed then keep on repeating, for better or worse, unless we choose to interrupt them.
Thanks to Resonance Repatterning I’ve gradually switched my focus to self acceptance and self love. Some people like me, some don’t, either way I’m ok, it’s no longer a matter of survival. I survived. You survived too if you’re reading this. These ways of being kept us alive and are now simply outdated. Now we are free to create a sense of safety so we can welcome back younger parts of ourselves that shut down or split off. We’re now free to be who we are at our core and to do what truly makes our hearts sing. Because I resonated with these patterns, that is what I experienced. Even when I met people who did love me, I wasn’t able to receive the love. I know now how treasured by life I am, how much we all are and it feels gorgeous. I now have an inner mother and father who nurture my child aspect and it finally feels safe enough to land in my body.
What has made the difference is the support to be with painful feelings and access the courage to breathe into them, feel and release them, move with them as they naturally transform; along with lots of shaking to release trauma stored in the body. The first year or so was intense transformation then it became more gradual, with lots of stops and starts until I finally let go and decided to trust life. It wasn’t a linear process. More like a spiral. When I choose to use these tools they work.
Being an active participant with the RPA this past year has brought so much more confidence and I’ve learnt so much about how to effectively share what I have to offer. I’ve experienced the joy of being part of a team with a united goal. By sharing what we each have to offer, we all benefit.
Viktor Frankl, an Auschwitz survivor, used to ask the people he worked with why they hadn’t killed themselves. He wanted to discover what they were most passionate about, what mattered enough to them to keep them alive and to encourage them to focus on that. I used to want to be dead but a deeply buried part of me was curious enough to stick around and I’m so glad I did. To be taking steps, however tiny, towards creating my dream brings such fulfilment. Are you curious about why you’re here and what you have to give? Everyone has a part to play and we’re all equally important. Imagine being free of the need to cover up the pain of self rejection. Addictive patterns and behaviours are an attempt to fill the emptiness that a disconnection from your heart and your wild Nature causes. You can choose to reconnect.
You can’t change the past, but with Resonance Repatterning you can change the impact of the past in your present. You can bring health to every area of your life. It’s possible for you to feel better and more alive than you can probably even imagine right now. It’s entirely possible to change how your brain responds to stress and relax naturally, free of addictions. You can repattern the part of your brain that makes you crave things you know aren’t good for you and to find healthier ways to get that boost or high. It’s even possible to repattern your experience from as early as being in the womb. Some really simple ways are being out in full spectrum light, listening to music, dancing, connecting your breath with your movement and using your voice in a group. It can be great fun to be part of a group and there’s no need to worry about what others think of you as they’re probably too busy worrying about what you think of them.
I’m so inspired by how Resonance Repatterning can be used in so many settings such as hospitals, addiction centres, prisons, schools, refugee camps and old peoples’ homes. It can bring more freedom, hope and joy into places of struggle, despair and darkness.
I’d be delighted to offer you a session so you can experience it for yourself and I also offer ongoing groups with peer support, to integrate changes smoothly over time. Greater transformation is possible in groups with ongoing support. It is priceless to know you are connected and welcome as you are.
With love to you all,
”Somebody once told me the definition of hell:
“On your last day on earth, the person you became will meet the person you could have become.”
“Giving yourself is a miracle.
Your care and energy are gifts that change the world.
The dreams that you share
Are the soil out of which anything can happen.
And together, with full hearts and willing hands
We can weave a future that looks back smiling,
Reminding us about who we chose to become.”
— Clare Dubois (founder of TreeSisters)
One thought on “Revolution from the inside out”
This is such a beautiful, moving piece, Tabitha. You have described the transformation that our work in Resonance Repatterning can bring so eloquently and with so much heart. Thank you for bravely sharing your personal experience and being a beacon of light and hope in the world.
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