Why do I think I have to tolerate situations that keep me from experiencing peace?
This is a very good question, one of which I found the answer, and hopefully you will as well!
I moved into my townhouse 4 years after my husband liberated his soul from his physical body on November 27, 2017. I was able to move on quickly because we said everything there was to say and only love remained. He was free and so was I.
Two years later my new neighbor bought a dog, an Australian Blue Heeler, a herding dog, meant for a huge back yard where she could run freely. This was not the case in our townhouse complex. Whenever my neighbor left her alone, she would bark for hours, disturbing my peace of mind. I was also concerned for the dog. Sometimes it was for 45 minutes and sometimes 4 hours. I kept texting him to come home to settle the dog down, but he ignored my plea. I did talk to him on several occasions and made some suggestions on how to resolve the situation, none of which he took. I even went over to talk with him when I was sick to ask him to put his dog in her kennel when he left so she wouldn’t bark and I could get the rest I need. No such luck. This went on for a year at least once per week and I never knew when. I couldn’t even relax and read in my own home. I even started to have physical symptoms of stress. I couldn’t imagine someone putting a dog before my well-being. Finally, after the dog was left alone 4 times in one week, I had it! I called the HOA and they gave me a barking dog kit which I filled out and sent in to the City of Phoenix to register a complaint against my neighbor.
Why did I wait a year? Did I think more about keeping the peace with my neighbor than looking after my own well-being? What is up with that? Then I went back in time and identified other times in my life when I thought I had to tolerate. One was tolerating my husband’s hoarding for 4 years, and the previous time was for 8 years that I tolerated being on the lower floor of a condominium unit and the people upstairs had 2 kids running back and forth. Why? Why didn’t I just move?
I knew there must be an earlier experience in childhood where this was coming from, so I sat down with myself and took a long hard look. All of a sudden, bingo, the answer came. When I was 12 years old my mom filed for divorce from my dad and the judge gave her a legal separation instead. In 1966, this meant she had to wait 7 years before she could file again for a divorce. She figured that if my dad found out she was dating, he would take her to court and file for custody of us 4 kids, so she made me lie to my dad when she was spending time, sometimes the whole weekend, with her boyfriend. She made me call him Marge, so when my dad called to talk to her, “Oh, mom’s not here, she went out of town with her girlfriend Marge.”
I was the first born, so after my dad left, I became both the mom and dad to my 3 siblings, being responsible until she got home from work. This lying really got to me, but she pleaded with me that my dad would take us kids away from her if he ever found out. So, out of survival, for 7 years, I thought I had to tolerated this lack of integrity and even started to have tummy problems. I knew it wasn’t right to lie, but at 12 I felt I didn’t have a choice. She even told me once that the only way to get thought life is to tell little white lies. So, I thought I’d try it. I told her I was going to the library and instead I went to hang out with one of my girlfriends. My mom found out and I got soap in my mouth. I didn’t have anyone to talk to. I knew if I told my dad, I‘d probably be grounded for years. I didn’t quite understand why it was ok for my mom to ask me to lie for her, but when I did, I was punished. At 12, I wasn’t very confident or self-assured, so I didn’t feel I could talk to her about how wrong I thought this was. I felt I had to tolerate this situation to survive living with her.
Knowing where my need to tolerate came from, I went right to the Family Loyalty Repatterning and you’ll never guess what came up, “I demonstrate my love and loyalty to my mother by tolerating things that don’t agree with my morals, in order to survive.” I was happy to change my resonance with this pattern and since then, I no longer tolerate people or situations that interfere with my inner peace. I feel free to take care of myself and my well-being. My new resonance is, “I demonstrate my love and loyalty to my mother and all the members of my biological family system by doing and saying things that are morally right for me, speaking the truth, speaking my truth, and not tolerating situations that harm me or effect my peace.”
Interestingly, after the session, and once the police came to my neighbor’s door to tell him a complaint was filed against him for his barking dog, I haven’t heard a peep from the dog. It’s a miracle! I withdrew the complaint because I got the peace I wanted.
According to Burt Hellinger, developer of Family Constellation, he states that in order to belong to our Biological Family System, which we need to do in order to survive, we have hidden loyalties to honor them. Once we identify the hidden loyalty, we can change it, like the example I gave above.
If there is anything you are tolerating, or any pattern of behavior you want to change, you may want to reach out to a certified practitioner on the Repatterning Practitioners Association website who can support you in releasing the pattern.
Lovingly submitted,
Victoria Benoit, M.C.
Mind/Body Repatterning Practitioner
Amazon #1 Bestselling Author of What Would Love Do Right Now? A Guide to Living an Extraordinary Life, Three Magical Words for a Magical Life and No Weeping Widow Here-My True Story.
Repatterning Journal 