In this article, I will list 5 common limiting messages that limit our and our children’s ability to learn and excel. I will then describe a way to free ourselves and our children in order to manifest a happier, more successful life.
Every family has beliefs and rules stored in the family consciousness handed down from generation to generation. We learn these rules very early in life. Even though we may not be consciously aware of these beliefs, we still follow them. Some are beneficial, some are not. Examples of beliefs handed down in my family include: “My children are very beautiful.”—pretty nice. Not so nice– “If I do not serve my husband all the time and make him happy, he will leave me.”
When we honor these rules, even if we are not consciously aware of them, we feel loyal and at peace—no matter what the rule is. When the beliefs limit us, our level of success and enjoyment of life get squelched. We find that we never achieve what we want—because we cannot release ourselves from being loyal to those rules. Here are common 5 limiting beliefs:
Limiting Belief # 1: You are a bad girl or (bad boy).
When a parent or caregiver perceives that a child has done something wrong, they sometimes say “Bad girl.” Or “Bad Boy.” When you think you are bad, you think you are all together bad. People tell a child they are bad in hopes the child will act better. This is not a good way to teach a child to behave. The child, assuming that they are a bad human being, will begin to act that way. The truth is that even when you think you behave badly, you are still a good human being.
Limiting Belief #2: There must be a husband and a wife in the family to raise a healthy child.
We have been taught that children are happier when they have a father and a mother. The truth is that a child can be happy with one parent, with two fathers or two mothers—whether a boy or a girl. All that matters is that we have good parents and a good environment where we feel safe, secure, and where we feel loved.
Limiting Belief # 3: A mother has to stay at home to care for the child.
Some people say that when a mother works and leaves a child with another person, the child will have more problems and feel abandoned by their mother. The truth is whether at home or not, a good parent gives their child a feeling of being beautiful, loved, and valued. What matters is that the child feels beautiful, loved, cared for and nurtured. Whether the parents are at home or not does not matter. That said, it is important that the care giver has the same attitude of valuing the child—not just a babysitter who watches TV.
Limiting Belief #4: Children have to be punished to learn right from wrong.
Spare the rod—spoil the child, the saying goes. Children are sometimes hit, spanked, humiliated or yelled at when they are seen as behaving badly. Punishment does not help children learn. Rather it teaches them to behave badly, to be bullies, tyrants, and to behave in violent, abusive ways. There are only a few instances when force needs to be used—such as when the child is in danger. For those times that force was used upon you, acknowledge that you were an innocent child. Free yourself of that burden of guilt, and without judgment, leave the responsibility to whom it belongs.
Limiting Belief # 5: You have to be a good parent all the time, otherwise you will have bad children.
No one behaves perfectly all the time. When you behave badly to your child, your spouse, or anyone else, say, “I am sorry. I behaved badly.” It can be a huge relief for children to hear, “See—Mommies and Daddies make mistakes.”
Here is a visualization that can help to free ourselves of these detrimental beliefs and patterns: Visualize the family members/care givers from whom you took these beliefs. Say to the them, “I took these beliefs from you but I don’t want them anymore. Please see me with love as I give them back to you.” Visualize these feelings gently returning from you to your elders and your elders lovingly receiving them. Know that your elders are happy to receive them. They know that these false beliefs are not good for you and that once you let go of these beliefs, they can be passed on to wherever they belong.
Sally Herr is a Resonance Repatterner in Portland, Maine who helps people be free of limiting beliefs. She connects with people in person as well as by phone. Her website is NewEraTherapies.com