My Abundance Journey

Posted on May 20, 2011 by

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Sometime in the early 1990′s my friend Gladys Murphy recommended a book to me: The Prospering Power of Love, by Catherine Ponder.  Reading this beautiful little book is where my Abundance Journey began.  At that time prosperity or abundance “consciousness” was so far outside the way I perceived the world that when it was first explained to me I’m sure I rolled my eyes and said “yeah right!”  I’d never uttered an affirmation, never believed that I could ask and not only be “listened to” but answered.  Occasionally I felt quite alone and bereft.  I believed that the Divine or Source was separate from me.  Separate from me just as I was separate from all others.  The paradigm of a holographic universe was beyond me; my view was that we were all of us, alone, isolated, and that our little blue and green planet was simply a rock floating in the middle of the sky.  Before I began my journey I believed that Divine Source couldn’t possibly be right there for me and with me, couldn’t possibly supply abundance, plentitude, or “an overflowing fullness of many blessings.”  And belief, as we know is a powerful thing.

My journey continued.  What I believed to be true evolved and abundance slowly crept into my world.  I spent the rest of the 1990’s “working the problem” of feeling deserving, of wrapping my head around the idea that there’s limitless supply and my “having” doesn’t mean someone else “has not.”   Each year I made more money than I had the year before, which certainly felt good, but still there was an underlying tension because deep down I believed that it could all so easily fall away.  As often as I said affirmations and manifested a higher salary, a nicer apartment, and a car I couldn’t stop to be grateful or even pleased about these gifts showing up in my life.  I didn’t know about the “Integration Process for Completions” and I simply continued to speed forward afraid that if I stopped I’d crash, I’d sink into despair, I’d loose my forward momentum and all would be lost.

In May of 1999 a giant step on my journey occurred when I dragged Gladys and another friend to a free demonstration of something called Holographic Repatterning®.  The wonderful Kenya de Rosa hosted the evening and for Gladys and me it was a life changer.  Gladys immediately began taking classes in “Holographic Repatterning,” and both of us joined a weekly group repatterning series that Kenya offered.  For three and a half years Kenya hosted this group for creative artists working to clear away the blockages that kept each of us from achieving all that we desired for our creative selves and lives.  There were lots of different non-coherent beliefs, earlier experiences and issues blocking our ways, but one theme that rose up for us again and again was a lack of abundance–of time, of confidence, and certainly of money.

After a couple of years of showing up weekly and seeing “what was up” for the group that week, Kenya arrived one Monday evening with a book called The Dynamic Laws of Prosperity by–you guessed it–Catherine Ponder.  It had been perhaps ten years since I’d read The Prospering Power of Love, and though I’d bought other books of Catherine’s such as The Dynamic Laws of Healing I hadn’t gotten this, her first book on prosperity.  Kenya suggested that we might want to work on prosperity and abundance exclusively for a while and we all agreed to get the book and go through it week by week.

The Repatterning practitioners reading this article, who’ve had the training and have the tools, all probably make sure that they resonate with any intention or affirmation that comes to them and hopefully enjoy the abundant blessings that Divine Source so happily supplies.  At the time Kenya’s group started on The Dynamic Laws, being able to literally shift myself ON so I was resonating with an affirmation was a revelation for me.  Having been in Kenya’s group I’d become pretty familiar with not only the idea of “resonating” with something, but how that actually felt in my system.  I could look back on things I’d thought, said or done and know when I was resonating with it and when I was suffering from that push-me-pull-you tension of wanting something with part of me while another less visible part was pulling hard against it.

We’ve heard it said and probably say it ourselves: intention is everything.  According to Dictionary.com – “intention” is defined as: “an act or instance of determining mentally upon some action or result.”  Okay, but what about our mental state when we’re doing the determining?  Only when my system has been shifted ON for a particular affirmation can I feel that I’m physically and mentally pulsing with power and joy while “affirming” it.  This feeling of power and joy is quite different from the feeling of desperation I’d sometimes experienced in the past as I’d endlessly repeated “Divine Love and Divine Wisdom prosper me NOW.”

I originally moved to New York City to study acting and to make my living as an actress.  There are lots and lots of different classes available here designed to help actors find their fire, loosen up their instruments, learn a particular method, become “camera ready” and to radiate “star” quality.  While I was stuck in my earlier beliefs of lack and scarcity, I could never bring myself to spend much money on classes.  I could manage to hand over a weekly rate to a teacher, class by class, but the idea of plunking down hundreds for a seminar or series just froze me.  By the time I’d received some 130 to 150 sessions in Kenya’s group, I felt safe enough to let money flow out and safe enough to trust that it would flow back in.  Interestingly, by this point in my journey, when I was finally able to have a little trust that the abundant universe would supply me with what I needed, I didn’t choose to sign up for an acting seminar; I chose to study Resonance Repatterning® instead.

I signed up to take Fundamentals of Holographic Repatterning in the summer of 2002.  I was nervous but also excited about having Holographic Repatterning as tool and knowing how to use it.  I was delighted that I would soon be able to identify and shift myself ON for new intentions, but also be able to find those problematic beliefs that were keeping some of the icky stuff stuck.   Knowing that I would soon be able to identify this “stuff” and then use a modality to create a shift so I’d be ON for the good–and OFF for the icky stuff–was fantastic.  By the autumn of 2002 I’d taken Fundamentals, Primary Patterns and Transforming Unconscious Patterns.  All the work I was able to now do for myself, as well as the sessions I’d received in the past, helped me get to the point in my journey where I was able to pause and acknowledge when good “stuff” seemed to simply show up in my life.  I was now able to understand physically, emotionally, mentally and in spirit that this is the “overflowing fullness of many blessings” that is the result my being ON for abundance. (Editor’s note:  Holographic Repatterning officially became Resonance Repatterning in May 2006)

I was able to take the basic seminars as well as some of the advanced classes in the next couple of years.  I also had the great good fortune to be in New York City, where the generous and gifted Meryl Chodosh-Weiss teaches Resonance Repatterning, hosts a monthly skills development group, is a designated observer and can certify practitioners.  When the RPA devised the “I Declare” program with the intention of re-categorizing practitioners as “Student,” “Student I Declare,” or “Certified” instead of Level One and Level Two (certified) practitioners, Meryl galvanized our monthly group into action.  Many of us “declared” and set our sights on achieving our certification by the proposed June 2007 deadline.  All of you who are certified practitioners or active “I Declare” students know it takes time and effort to complete the certification process.  It takes people showing up and being willing to work with you and receive sessions so you can get your practice in and master this system.  It takes patience with yourself and a belief that you can do this and are meant to do it.  It takes a sincere belief that the universe will rise up to meet and support you, it takes a belief in abundance; there will be time enough, clients enough, money enough, and determination enough to achieve your goal.  And you better believe we, as group and individually, repatterned and repatterned and repatterned ourselves so we were ON for these abundant beliefs.

I achieved my goal of becoming a certified practitioner of Resonance Repatterning in June of 2007 along with my dear friend and fellow traveler Gladys, but this was certainly not the end of any of my journeys, abundance or otherwise.  From the time I began in Kenya’s group, through my training and certification process I was making my living as an Executive Assistant working in the Financial Services sector here in New York City.  Sometimes I was working for giant companies like Goldman Sachs and others for tiny boutique Investment Banking firms.  I was surrounded by many examples of wealth, both personal and corporate.  I was also surrounded by many individuals who seemed to feel they must continue to speed forward, afraid that if they stopped they’d crash, sink into despair, loose their forward momentum and all would be lost.  On the days when I was most coherent, it was interesting to realize that people making anywhere from three to one hundred times my salary felt less abundant than me.

In 2008 when the economy took its tumble, I joined the millions of unemployed and was granted an opportunity to seize the day, shift my focus and see if I could create a private practice for myself as a practitioner of Resonance Repatterning, along with several other energy modalities I’d begun to study.  I was excited, terrified and a little nauseous when I recalled that, in 2005 during my interview for the job I’d just lost, I’d boldly told my prospective manager that my five-year plan was to have my own private practice as an energy healer by 2010.  As I realized I’d stated this crazy intention out loud, thoughts like “Golly Moses! is that dang universe always listening?” and “This is another fine mess you’ve gotten us into Ollie!” chased their way through my head.

Well, now what?  The abundant universe had just supplied me with the one commodity I’d always found in the shortest supply–TIME.  That may be the scariest thing that’s ever happened to me.  Despite the fact that I’d achieved coherence in many areas of my life, I was still holding onto this bizarre belief that I was like some species of shark–if I stopped swimming I’d die.  And what I most needed to do was take a really big pause, get very very quiet and let myself live in the present moment.  It took me a number of months to work through my relationship with and beliefs about time.  Once I’d made some peace in this area, I was able to be more awake in the present in the moment.  Being more awake in the present moment allowed me to see how Divine Order was playing itself out in my life.  After that, I was able to turn my attention to the task at hand, which I saw as “can I create a private practice for myself and live my life in prosperity, peace and safety?”  Once more the abundant hands of the universe provided me with some amazing assistance.

Just prior to my official termination date from my job, I was put in contact with my wonderful Life Coach Deborah Todd.  Deborah lives in Illinois and is friends with one of my dad’s best friends.  So I found my perfect Life Coach because my father, the plumber, is friends with Deborah’s friend, a master carpenter, and he brought Deborah along one day to deliver a present to my dad.  I got a great gift too!  Deborah and I do an exchange of services and the work we do on both sides has had an enormous and positive effect.  I would not be here today writing this article without her guidance, intelligence, care, support and the gentle but firm pushes that I require from time to time.

I would also not be here today without the amazing support I’ve received from fellow Resonance Repatterning practitioners who embody generosity, intelligence, practicality and community.  In the beginning of 2010 I needed to speak to Liz Tobin about the upcoming Annual Conference and while we were chatting I told her that I was attempting to start my private practice.  She told me that when she began hers someone suggested that she try offering a 100 Days of Prosperity proxy package for $100 – just a dollar a day.  Liz told me she tried it and it worked quite well.  Liz is a master of the proxy group.  I’m currently enrolled in her “Transforming Money Archetypes and Karmic Contracts” proxy group series, its great and if you haven’t checked out her work, I totally recommend it.  I also recommend Beth Polito’s “Lunation” proxy group that works on the lunar cycles.  Being able to receive regular sessions in this manner has had a powerful and profound effect on me, my life and the work I’m able to do.

I officially launched my business in February of 2010 with the arrival of my very own website.  This was one month shy of the five year mark I’d so crazily intended in that long ago job interview.  I’d invested in a MacBook when I lost my job, so I was able to build the site myself using Apple’s iWeb software.  Building the site, and continuing to work on it, has been a surprising joy for me, and engages me on multiple levels.

By April of 2010, I was ready to try out the 100 Days series for myself and got so much out of it.  Once in the groove of doing a proxy session for my group each day I often lost sight of who was the giver and who was receiving.  The energy that the group created to move all of us forward was an honor and a joy to hold.  Doing the series stretched me in wonderful ways and on quite a few occasions I sort of ended up writing our own repatterning from what “was up” in the group.  The series was so well received that I offered a second series in October 2010.  The second series was even more popular and profound than the first and the feedback I’ve received has been tremendous.  A fellow Resonance Repatterning practitioner, who was a member of the group, wrote the following:

“100 days of prosperity–amazing!  A VERY deep healing experience.  While I can honestly say that money flowed more easily into my life, more importantly, areas of my life that were less than functional and coherent were transformed.  During the 100 days, I achieved a comfortable body weight that I have sought for over 3 decades without success. I was able to safely lose 30 lbs. in 7 weeks.   The structure of my financial life shifted.  For example, a gas-guzzling, repair-needing car has been traded in for a fuel-efficient new car that makes the whole family happy.  A computer system to support an additional income source was easily purchased at a very good sale price.  CORE things that affect my entire family’s prosperity shifted.  I recommend anyone who has the chance to do this work!  It is a gift!”

This is a journey and this is life, so there are coherent days and non-coherent days.  There are days when I somehow feel plugged into a giant cosmic engine and other days when I wouldn’t feel grounded if I filled my pockets with rocks and walked barefoot in the grass.  The primary thing I’ve come to understand in my journey thus far is that in working on Abundance we work on the full spectrum of life itself.  Delving down and identifying the blockages we have when it comes to giving and receiving, aligning with our masculine/feminine aspects or feeling safe and deserving touch core patterns that exist across all features of our human landscape.  In working to align with abundance we must chase our every feeling, belief and experience of scarcity, lack or shortage out of the dark and into the light.  We need to be fearless and to be gentle, compassionate and passionate, we need to empower and to allow ourselves to flourish and to thrive.

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